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Hardman
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This is may be something already done before, but what the heck?

You add the next segment in the story. Use double quotation marks in your addition.

"One day, Bob walked into the woods and found a sword."


Yes, THAT Hardman. This is the new and improved one.

Mega X.exe
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"While dicking around with the sword, Bob accidentally chopped off his middle and ring fingers on his right hand."


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"He never liked blood, being traumatized by it in childhood. At the sight of his damaged hand, he passed out."


The admin formerly known as Dr. Cossack.

I post musings, images and nonsense on Tumblr! I play games on Steam! Add me on either/both, and don't hesitate to ask if you want to play something with me!

"There are only three things certain in life: Death, taxes, and Teej's obsessions." ~ RisingDragon (still true in 2019!)

Hardman
Dragoon Paladin
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"He was found by several smelly hobos. However, they left him alone, as they decided to beat up the author for the remark. So Bob laid there, bleeding all over the place."


Yes, THAT Hardman. This is the new and improved one.

Mega X.exe
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"The world went dark. But then it got light again, which was pretty sweet. He awoke to the smell of sizzling bacon. As he opened his eyes, he scanned the room, hoping to find something he recognized. He appeared to be in some kind of hut.

"You don't want to be moving. You might pop your stitches. I managed to save the hand and all the fingers, but you're missing a kidney."

"I'm what!?"

"I had expenses.""


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Quote:
Originally posted by Mega X.exe
"The world went dark. But then it got light again, which was pretty sweet. He awoke to the smell of sizzling bacon. As he opened his eyes, he scanned the room, hoping to find something he recognized. He appeared to be in some kind of hut.

"You don't want to be moving. You might pop your stitches. I managed to save the hand and all the fingers, but you're missing a kidney."

"I'm what!?"

"I had expenses.""


Isn't this "An RPG MK2?"


"Wait, my KIDNEYS!?" Bob yelled. "WHAT DID YOU NEED MY KIDNEYS FOR!?!?!?!"

Hardman
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"...I'm hungry."


Yes, THAT Hardman. This is the new and improved one.

Mega X.exe
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""Chill, OK? You've still got one. Plus, if all goes according to plan, you'll be able to grow back the other one soon enough."

"Wait, what?"

"Oh, whoops. I'm not supposed to tell you that for another 15 chapters."

"Fiftee--what?"

"Don't worry about it.""


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"You've never considered yourself much of a music person, which means you'll have a lot of adjusting to do after a high-speed collision with a harpsichord leaves you tragically harmonious."

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"Tired from the loss of blood, the operation, and these sudden revelations, Bob repeated his previous request: "I'm hungry!!" The smell of bacon, still lingering in the room, sure didn't help his mood."


The admin formerly known as Dr. Cossack.

I post musings, images and nonsense on Tumblr! I play games on Steam! Add me on either/both, and don't hesitate to ask if you want to play something with me!

"There are only three things certain in life: Death, taxes, and Teej's obsessions." ~ RisingDragon (still true in 2019!)

Hardman
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"So...what's your name kid?"

"Bob."

"Well, you always looked boring to me. Makes sense that you have a boring name."

"Then what's yours?"

"SupergigamaxultimateX. You want some bacon?"

"Uh...sure!"

"With or without a kidney on the side?


Yes, THAT Hardman. This is the new and improved one.

Mega X.exe
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""That's not funny!"

"Yes it is. It totally is.""


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Quote:
Originally posted by Mega X.exe
""That's not funny!"

"Yes it is. It totally is.""



"Sure... I'll take it with the kidney"

Hardman
Dragoon Paladin
Inactive
449 posts
Quote

"But before the bacon could be served, Bob got teleported to a volcano, where a stock wizard was holding a porn princess hostage. The Sword That Cut Bob The Pansy (The name of the sword) was right next to him."

"Does Bob:"

1. Fight the wizard

2. Save the porn princess

3. Try to do both

4. Or something else?


Yes, THAT Hardman. This is the new and improved one.

Mega X.exe
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"You! What are you doing here, you interloper!"

"Er..." Bob stammered. "Well, I'm selling these fine leather jackets..."

"What is your name?"

"I'm Bob Ericson, mighty adventurer!"

Edited by Mega X.exe on February 19, 2011 at 19:16:38


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Hardman
Dragoon Paladin
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449 posts
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"Eh? Bar Fredickson? You owe me money!"

"Pardon?"

"You? Never! I gave you money to build a tower out of gold, which it fell down after day one! Where is my 11,000,000,000 gold pieces?"


Yes, THAT Hardman. This is the new and improved one.

Mega X.exe
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"Ericson. I think you have me confused with someone else. Do I look like an architect?"

"Yes, I suppose you have a point. You look more like a flooring inspector. Even so, I'm afraid I'll have to kill you. Point of professional pride and all."

At that moment, the old man appeared in a puff of smoke.

"Well, I'd been wanting to build up to this. But the spirit in your eyes was something to behold. I knew you wouldn't be satisfied with fundamental training. The only way to teach you is to throw you right into the thick of things."

"What spirit? I have no spirit." Bob yelled.

"Huh? Oh... Oh, I guess you're right. Odd, I don't usually get it wrong like that. Oh well, I suppose I'll have to guide you through this fight then. How much training do you have with the sword?"

"The only other time I've used one, I nearly sliced my own hand off."

"Oh. This could take a while."

"AHEM" the wizard cleared his throat, "would you mind hurrying this along? I have evil plans to conduct and whatnot."


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"You've never considered yourself much of a music person, which means you'll have a lot of adjusting to do after a high-speed collision with a harpsichord leaves you tragically harmonious."

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Hardman
Dragoon Paladin
Inactive
449 posts
Quote

"Hey!" Shouted the princess. "What about me? I have assets you could use!"

"Bob lifted the sword. This time, he grabbed it with all of his fingers, which had grown back."

"When did this happen?" He asked.

"When did what happen?" Asked the old man, as he munched on some bacon and kidney.


Yes, THAT Hardman. This is the new and improved one.

Mega X.exe
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"I did say you'd be able to grow them back, didn't I? Now, why don't you whip that sword out and let's see what you can do with it."

"Er, OK." Bob said, and began to wave his sword in the general direction of the wizard.

The man sighed, "Come at him. Don't be afraid, I doubt you'll hurt him. Use your forte against the foible. Distance, distance! No, beat first, then lunge. Use your forte against the foible."


Weekly Horoscope
Cancer

Jun 22 - Jul 22

"You've never considered yourself much of a music person, which means you'll have a lot of adjusting to do after a high-speed collision with a harpsichord leaves you tragically harmonious."

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"Bob took a stance, then dashed out running at his opponent. "I'll get you!!", he proclaimed. Unfortunately for Bob, while his fingers grew back quickly through some kind of obscure miracle, he still suffered from the side effect of his blood loss. Before he understood what was really happening, his eyes closed and he passed out before his head even hit the ground."

"The wizard cackled at the unexpected turn of events while the old man could do nothing but shake his head in disgust."


The admin formerly known as Dr. Cossack.

I post musings, images and nonsense on Tumblr! I play games on Steam! Add me on either/both, and don't hesitate to ask if you want to play something with me!

"There are only three things certain in life: Death, taxes, and Teej's obsessions." ~ RisingDragon (still true in 2019!)

Mega X.exe
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"Everything felt dark. Was he dying? It felt so... peaceful. So... serene. It was an odd feeling.

But then he thought to himself, "what about the wizard? Am I letting down the old man? If I die, who will rescue the porn princess?"

Deep down inside of him, there was a part that didn't care to think much about that eventuality. Somewhere inside, he knew he had to fight, and he knew he had to win.

~~~

"Now then, about this marri--" the wizard began. An enormous gust of wind surged behind him, and he turned to see Bob standing there, a resolved look on his face, clutching the sword tightly.

"Well now," said the old man, "this should be interesting."


Weekly Horoscope
Cancer

Jun 22 - Jul 22

"You've never considered yourself much of a music person, which means you'll have a lot of adjusting to do after a high-speed collision with a harpsichord leaves you tragically harmonious."

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Hardman
Dragoon Paladin
Inactive
449 posts
Quote

And then Bob went Super Saiyan!


Yes, THAT Hardman. This is the new and improved one.

Daveris
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Quote

Quote:
Originally posted by Hardman
And then Bob went Super Saiyan!



Immediately, Bob was attacked by a fleet of the evil lawyers from heck, all wanting revenge for copyright infringement.


In the form of Bob's SOUL!!!


Edited by the dave on February 23, 2011 at 0:11:29

Yllisos Zanon
Free Lance Bestiality
Inactive
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Quote

While being abused by the evil lawyers, a sudden earthquake struck the land. Followed by an enormous, mighty roar.

So Bob says to himself, "Not him again?"


Their coming to take me away, hee hee haw haw hoo hoo
----------------------
You cannot kill what you did not create

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In retrospect, fighting on top of an active volcano wasn't the wisest idea of the day... but then, it had been a long day already. As the ground shook, everyone realized that the volcano could burst at any moment. At the same moment, a large hole opened in the ground, swallowing the lawyers.

That's the moment that the wizard chose to take his leave. "Better live to see another day than fail surrounded by fools!"


The admin formerly known as Dr. Cossack.

I post musings, images and nonsense on Tumblr! I play games on Steam! Add me on either/both, and don't hesitate to ask if you want to play something with me!

"There are only three things certain in life: Death, taxes, and Teej's obsessions." ~ RisingDragon (still true in 2019!)

Mega X.exe
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"Fine then," Bob retorted, "guess I'll just kill some lawyers."

hours passed...

"Not bad," the old man said, indicating Bob's skill with the sword. "You've got good form. Now I'm gonna let you in on the true secret of sword fighting. Sword fighting is kinda like making love. It's not always what you do, but what you say. Any fool hero can swing a sharp piece of metal around and hope to cut something... but the pros... they know just when to cut their opponent with an insult... one that catches 'em off guard. You see, kid, your wit's got to be twice as sharp as your sword. Let's try a couple of insults out, shall we? Okay... imagine this: We're fighting up a storm... just like you are now, actually. There's a sudden break in the fighting and a lawyer says to you--"

"You fight like a dairy farmer," A lawyer helpfully interjected.

"You must be thinking of someone else, I am not a farmer." Bob quipped.

A heavy silence hung on the battlefield.

"I can see we've got a lot of work to do here." The man said. "You should have responded with something like... 'How appropriate. You fight like a cow.' You see... It's razor-sharp wit like that that wins fights. Let's try another. Imagine this: You're trapped up against a wall... that lawyer's sword just slashed two cuts into your face. He says... 'Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish-kabob!' You respond with?"

"Er... how appropriate. You fight like a cow...?" Bob replied with uncertainty.

"No! No! No! That was the response from the last insult." The old man sighed. "A correct response to... 'Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish-kabob!' would have been something like 'First you'd better stop waving it around like a feather-duster.' See, razor-sharp! Now I suggest you go out there and learn some insults."


Weekly Horoscope
Cancer

Jun 22 - Jul 22

"You've never considered yourself much of a music person, which means you'll have a lot of adjusting to do after a high-speed collision with a harpsichord leaves you tragically harmonious."

Image

Hardman
Dragoon Paladin
Inactive
449 posts
Quote

So Bob threw some insults.

"You fight like a ruptured duck."

"Dairy farmer, heh? Well, I'm going to bleed you dry!"

"Your insults suck!" (Said both parties)

"No, your insults suck even more!" (SAid both parties)

And so, the sword fight stopped, and got taken over by a mud-slinging fight.


Yes, THAT Hardman. This is the new and improved one.

Daveris
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Princess Celestia
Princess Celestia
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Acquired on 1 April 2012
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Sniper
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Lilly Satou
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... and 18 more
Quote

Quote:
Originally posted by Hardman
So Bob threw some insults.

"You fight like a ruptured duck."

"Dairy farmer, heh? Well, I'm going to bleed you dry!"

"Your insults suck!" (Said both parties)

"No, your insults suck even more!" (SAid both parties)

And so, the sword fight stopped, and got taken over by a mud-slinging fight.



Eventually however, the lawyers tire of this, and decide to use their ultimate weapon to destroy Bob ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!


A blue-clothed figure slowly steps out of the mass of lawyers...


OBJECTION!!!



Edited by the dave on March 9, 2011 at 23:45:05

Hardman
Dragoon Paladin
Inactive
449 posts
Quote

And then!

The blued clothed man had a heart attack and died.


Yes, THAT Hardman. This is the new and improved one.

Daveris
Forum Poster
Inactive
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Princess Celestia
Princess Celestia
Got all items in the AFD2012 event!
Acquired on 1 April 2012
Sniper
Sniper
Acquired on 1 April 2012
Medic
Medic
Acquired on 1 April 2012
Spy
Spy
Acquired on 1 April 2012
Lilly Satou
Lilly Satou
Acquired on 1 April 2012

... and 18 more
Quote

Quote:
Originally posted by Hardman
And then!

The blued clothed man had a heart attack and died.



You ACTUALLY killed off Phoenix Wright!?!?!?



Bu then suddenly, a mysterious man with a strange apparatus over his eyes took the place of the blue-clothed man(Godot)

HOLD IT!!!





Hardman
Dragoon Paladin
Inactive
449 posts
Quote

Unfortunately, Godot's eye lasers went wild, and sliced the world in half.

And yes, I know I killed off Wright. But Capcom already did that.


Yes, THAT Hardman. This is the new and improved one.