Topic: Why The Mega Man Zero Manga Sucks
What a great way to waste trees.
Um. Or it could just be an ARTSTYLE CHANGE. You know, because that happens sometimes? Geez, look at Castlevania: Aria of Sorrow to Dawn of Sorrow. And I do that, too. I draw my characters in totally different ways. It doesn't mean their appearance changed, it means it's a different artstyle, just for the heck of it. I don't see why that's a hard concept to grasp.
All of you, shut up about the friggin' artstyle change. Doesn't matter, he said what he said in an effort to make you laugh, not make you whine and debate about something that's been argued to death.
Edited by RisingDragon on April 19, 2007 at 16:43:15.
Mach Jentra: I heard you were dead.
Zero: You know me - never say 'die.'
Yeah, guys, this isn't anything to get really worked up over.
Well I think this would go better if one, people weren't being jerks about their opinions, and two, if they knew how to phrase things better.
I retract my artstyle comment. It's not an artstyle change, it's a design change. He resembles Zero, but there are many things altered on him..so yeah, it's not like Toriyama drawing Kuja. It's Toriyama drawing his interpretation of Kuja. If that makes any sense.
Personally, the art style reminds me of Fan art I saw somewhere one time. But I hate the Zero games period so I really shouldn't even be in this section...
Hey beautiful people, you're better off trying to e-mail me than message me on here.
I hate the Zero games too but I like manga so..yeah.
Also Zero's portrayal is great here.
It's been a while, during which I was captured by vicious Ewoks, but I've managed to escape the woodsy torment and bring you the next installment of "Why The Mega Man Zero Manga Sucks"!
Chapter Three is called "Coward Zero, Do Your Best!" So far, -3's best has been pretty laughable, and the manga loves tormenting him so much that it's dedicated an entire chapter to his ineptitude. It begins with the shortest cold opening I've ever seen-one page of Lito and -3 travelling through the windy mountains, with -3 whining and Lito telling him to shut up or he'll smack him. Before you can breathe in the rich atmosphere, the title page attacks.
You know, for being the dominant male in this relationship, Lito sures knows how to strike a fabulous pose, even if it's not remotely badass. -3 seems to notice this, and has an expression that reads like, "Yeah, okay, I'm gonna go to the other side of the room now."
I'd be concerned too, Zero, if my face was caving in like yours is.
Anyway, -3 begins to whine about Lito's poor choice in mountain passes, and Lito reminds his monkey that every other conceivable path to their destiny is watched by the government. Of course, in a hypocritical world where Reploids hunt other Reploids in an effort toward mass metal genocide but -3 can slip into a human restuarant without anyone noticing, I wouldn't be too worried about the guys in charge.
What? It was ONE run-on sentence, deal with it.
Hey, kids? Making a manga or anime? Need some quick tension? Then why not reach into the Old Hat and throw down a old, rotting suspension bridge precariously dangling above a fifty foot drop into the cold, cold water below? Look at how effectively it's reduced -3 to a quivering pile of feeble tissue! Great for parties! Great for weddings! Great for funerals! GUARANTEED! Order now!
I mean seriously, -3 treats it like the Apocalypse with the way he's screaming. I guess I'd be screaming too if I encountered this kind of cliche. Lito notices there's a river below the bridge, which at the moment seems like a remarkable piece of useless information. Hell, even later it seems useless even when it has relevance. I just don't like listening to this guy talk. Still, Lito tells -3 to suck it up and get truckin'.
Beady eyes really carry across the strength of -3's refusal. In an act of lameness that is well within -3's character, he basically tells Lito to shove it, forget doing anything of real value, he'd rather live peacefully with his explosive amnesia so he doesn't have to do scary things like walk over Rickety Suspension Bridge Precariously Dangling Above 50 Foot Drop. But hey, as remarkably lame as that is, I'm all for ending this stupid quest, man. We've already proven this isn't Zero, it's some disasterous knockoff that Lito just happens to call Zero. But that's okay, we all know that the Zero was a copy in the MMZ series anyway, and it seems this one was just COLOSSAL F***UP #1.
Lito counters with a Cannon Spike.
Uh, oh. Better call the cops. Looks like we're having a domestic disturbance here. -3 and Lito get into an argument that I can 't really care about, I'm just flipping pages to take panels humorously out of context. But then Lito makes the mistake of talking about Zero, which just pisses -3 off, who promptly goes into a tirade of how this manga's always about Zero, Zero, Zero, what does he have that I don't have, you never take me anywhere, THIS IS WHY WE CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!!!!!
This pushes Lito over the edge.
In one panel, -3 has managed to accomplish what I have wanted to do-break the laws of morality (and in my case, physics) and push that little moron to his rightful demise! I would proclaim that now maybe things'll get interesting, but as this chapter proves, -3 can make this thing suck all by himself.
-3, however, is forced to confront the sudden reality of sending his pint-sized friend to certain doom, and deals with it accordingly.
YES IT IS! I TOTALLY SAW YOU!
Man, this manga's starting to deal with issues, I'd better turn the page.
OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!
It appears to be some sort of man-creature, only that blissfully ignores -3's panicked cries and takes the murderer to his little village in the mountains. Taking the criminal into his house, Man-Dwarf listens to -3's violent story, and basically tells him, "Hey, it's cool. No one really died after they fell off that cliff."
Look, I dunno how your cliffs work around here, Man-Dwarf, but I bet you that most of the time if you hit the water after a drop like that, I don't think most people could walk away from that without injuries. You'd probably break some important bones in your body, and when you value all your bones like I do, breaking any of them is not a priority. Then again, how many people have we seen plummet over a cliff toward their seeming doom in movies and comics only to see them survive in the ending credits or come back for the sequel?
Man-Dwarf says the village near the river has probably found Lito's not-dead corpse, and that if -3 wants to go down there, he has to cross Rickety Suspension Bridge and pass A Place Guarded By A Terrifying Monster. The resulting panel makes an awful hint toward the nature of this monster, and if you've been following along you know that this monster is the result of awful violence against canon, so get your armor on.
-3's metal underwear ain't gonna cut it here, so he faints, and FINALLY we get an explaination on how he and Lito began their magically ridiculous journey to find a chain of memories. The flashback serves to affirm Lito's pointless purpose in this manga, and -3 wakes up, determined to find his signifigant other.
But not before the daily freakout.
Man-Dwarf notices -3's stange committment toward a manga-only character, and the adventure is offically underway!
And what better guys to have on your team than the LOST VIKINGS?
The Lost Vikings explain that the place is crawling with "monsters", and they'd better kill them otherwise they'll get into the village and...you know, do monster-y things. Is this, like, some vague metaphorical attempt at labelling the forces of Neo Arcadia as mystical demons or something to further drive home the real romantic ideals of the coming battle between good and evil?
Or is Man-Dwarf fresh from his role in Lord of the Rings?
After everyone rolls up character sheets, the party sets off toward the foot of the village. Let's see, we've got three dwarven fighters, that's for sure, but what class is -3?
I know! He's a level 12 Lamerboy! Seriously, -3 makes the entire trip a CHORE by wussing his way through every obstacle. It's really hard to root for the guy when he acts like an overexaggerated wimp. Hell, it's really hard to root for a guy who's NOT ZERO, PERIOD.
Suddenly, -3 notices a blur pass by him-it's the Terrifying Monster!
HOLY CRAP, THAT'S ONE HELL OF A RANDOM ENCOUNTER!
For those who haven't taken notice yet, that's Blizzack Staggroff, one of Leviathan's apprentices in the video games, and even then, this was in bad taste. Here, he serves his role well as a random boss to chop to pieces. Man-Dwarf tells everyone to roll initative and pull out the big guns.
Hold the phone! Why did you bring AXES IF YOU HAD GUNS?! What the hell are the axes for, then? The Lost Vikings don't even use them at all in this chapter! Besides, what the hell are you thinking hauling axes around in a time where people settle things with high-powered energy weapons? Is it an attempt to be manly? Look, you're not un-manly if you bring a gun to a fight, because the fight will probably be WITH GUNS!
Anyway, Blizzack freezes the shells, as well as the Lost Vikings, so, once again, it's up to -3 to save us all.
Just then, when all seems to be lost, here comes the god in the machine-gunfire erupts from the north, striking Blizzack with impudence! What in the world? Who could it be from? Are you REALLY gonna be surprised?!
Sappiness?! BLIZZACK STAGGROFF DOES NOT APPROVE!
Well, this is a step down from Blizzack's normally low roots. He "MOO"s at -3 and Lito and goes all Sub Zero on everyone, sweeping the field with cold vengeance. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that Blizzack gets such a wonderful line read in this manga. After all, here, nothing is sacred. But then again, it's not as bad of a treatment as another boss gets later on.
Lito comically trips, and -3 chooses to spend precious moments pondering about the fact that he's not going to make it in time to pull Lito back up. But hell, he's gonna try anyway.
That turned out well.
All right, Zero, get out and kick this guy's ass already.
Man, I'm good. Or this manga is predictable.
Blizzack fires a bunch of ice at Zero, which Zero dodges. Someone's been taking lessons from Viewtiful Joe. Becoming ridiculously angry, Zero takes out his anger on Blizzack's face, Sonic style.
After this highly exciting battle (cough), The Lost Vikings and everyone else gather around the campfire to melt some ice and tell some tales. Lito gloats about how his monkey is really somethin' else, but -3 disagrees.
You know what that means?
After some more pitiful sobbing, Lito figures that Angry Ice Cow could have been sent by Neo Arcadia. Looks like another case of sending a robot to kill a robot, and we've all seen how well THAT turned out.
God, shouldn't Neo Arcadia make an effort to be CONSISTENT? You're goin' around, preaching how Reploids suck and should die, and them you promptly turn around and employ the same kind of robots you've sworn to destroy! Why are you doing this? If you need troops, you should've spent your time making super awesome battle armor for humans and send THEM after -3 and Lito! But no, this is just a poor excuse to cameo a bunch of characters that are shadows of their former selves, and if you think the Guardians are bad, you just WAIT until we get to Copy X, I guarantee you you'll throw your hands in the air and cry, with the intensity of a thousand suns, "WHAT THE F*** WHAT THIS GUY THINKING?!"
Join me next time as we continue this madness. We'll meet Badass Ciel, Not-That-Impressive Fairy Leviathan and I'll die a little inside.
I wouldn't recommend it, even for that.
Well, you know a lot of what I have to say already, via AIM, but still... Made Of Win. "Nobody Tosses a Dwarf!"
The Lost Vikings take the cake for the most random thing I have ever seen, anywhere. Period.
And Blizzack Stagroff... Mooing. I mean, come on, he randomly shows up... in the mountains, and then, instead of taking like he did in the games, he... moos. Moos. He's a freaking Stag. That freaking moos.
And -3 is almost unbearable, to the point where it'd be easier to read if the pronoun "she" were used...
Mach Jentra: I heard you were dead.
Zero: You know me - never say 'die.'
The reason Squall brought a Gunblade to the fight was because he couldn't make up his mind.
Why in the WORLD is Ciel not the secondary protagonist? Why? Surely, in a manga based on the Mega Man Zero series, one would think that, if Ciel had such an important role in the video games, it would make perfect sense to have her discover Zero and travel with him in the manga.
Instead, the author draws in Bizarro World, so Ciel makes her first real appearance three chapters late in Chapter Four, "Enter The Leader, Ciel!" She should've entered on page frickin' one, for all it matters, but her delay is not the only evil. In the Mega Man Zero games, Ciel was a kind, soft-spoken mother figure to the Resistance soldiers, unable to assert herself at times, especially when Elpizo took over as commanding officer of the Resistance in Mega Man Zero 2. "Lost in translation" can't even sum up how much of her character survived in the manga.
Ah, well. At least she's not flat.
You know, normally I'd make a comment as to why Lito is one inch tall and perched on Zero's helmet, but you know what? Screw it! I'm not gonna bother. I'm not gonna bother to think this hard over an incredibly stupid matter such as this, especially concerning the penchant this manga has for stupid matters.
Today's disaster begins in a city, specifically a port where soldiers are guarding a boat. -3 and Lito cower in the alleyway behind a box. They apparently need that boat to get through the base, and decide to work out a plan. Lito tells -3 not to give them away.
Nice job, Solid Snake.
-3 and Lito run like hell, but enemy forces and the ominous dead end block their escape. -3 does what he does best-freak out-while Lito demands for him to become Zero, as if he can turn it on like a faucet like he's been able to do SO WELL for the last three chapters.
Just then, a new path opens!
OH, CRAP, IT'S ORGANIZATION XIII!
I sure don't know who that is (COUGH COUGH) but with those kind of legs it sure as hell ain't a man (COUGHCOUGHWHEEZECOUGH). The Enigmatic Man (COUGHYEAHRIGHTCOUGH) tells -3 and Lito to pull a Ninja Turtle and escape underground through a secret passageway.
You know, if you've got Ninja Turtle action going on, you need some Shredder. Shredder probably WOULD make this a whole lot better.
"Tonight, I will dine on Reploid soup!"
The fuzz charges into the room, but finds no secret passageway. (Of course, then it wouldn't be a very good secret passageway, would it?) However, The Enigmatic Man has left a consolation prize for their effort.
Terrorism is okay if you're the good guys.
Ending up in an area fenced off from the city, Lito makes a brilliant remark:
Hey, let's play "State The Obvious". You go first, Lito.
Lito assumes The Enigmatic Man is a Reploid. Perhaps he also assumed their savior was a man. Wrong on both counts, The Enigmatic Man performs the dramatic reveal:
OH MY GOD I NEVER COULD HAVE GUESSED THAT THIS PERSON WAS A GIRL
-3 and Lito celebrate finding Ciel by immediately violating her personal space.
BAD -3! THIS IS NOT HOW WE TREAT THE OPPOSITE SEX! THIS IS NOT THE 1950s, OKAY?!
Then again, -3 may have caught on to Ciel's act.
IT'S A MAN, BABY!
Before Lito can accuse Ciel of dressing outside "her" gender, Ciel asks them if they know anything about Zero. Wait, hold the phone-if Lito already knew who the hell Zero was on first glance, don't you think Ciel and the Resistance would know loads about him? But hey, you need facts about Zero? I'll give you some facts. Zero had a string of games on the Game Boy Advance, um...he was a major character in the X games...oh, and he DESERVES BETTER TREATMENT THAN THIS CRAP.
Lito explains that -3 is Zero. Which seriously does not compute. Ciel doesn't really buy that crap either.
Welcome to my world, honey.
Okay, now you're getting a bit incredulous, Ciel. And besides, Zero only fought two of the Guardians so far (the Shitennou Ciel's refering to). Well, I'm not sure if I can count Fefnir as a fight since he stood back screaming his lungs off while his Golem did the dirty work, then ran away like a wuss when The Going Got Tough. At least Phantom died like a man. Or whatever the hell Frieza's species is.
Lito explains that -3 only becomes Zero when things get dangerous. So Ciel decides to get dangerous.
Did I mention Ciel is a PSYCHO?
Well, this sure ain't the Ciel I know from the Mega Man Zero games. Nevertheless, Bizzaro Ciel is shooting at -3, which is what I've wanted to do ever since this damn manga began, so kudos to you, Bizarro Ciel! YOU ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING RIGHT.
Lito decides to step in with some vague reference to an anime attack, smacking Ciel's neck while making that same weird sad-angry face you see almost everyone sport throughout this manga. Seriously, it pops up more than AIR.
Ciel reveals that there's data on Zero back at the base, and Lito asks her to take them there.
...wait a minute. You had DATA on him? If you HAD DATA on Zero, Ciel, why the HELL did you ask Lito about him?! What's that? You don't have MUCH data? You know what? F*** YOU anyway! Also, if Lito knew about Zero, how come nobody else we've met earlier can identify him, especially when he walks in broad daylight into a restaurant in Chapter Two? But the Resistance knows about him and Neo Arcadia knows about him, so we're dealing with some fairly common knowledge here, folks, so not only should more people know about this guy, the fact that -3 matches Zero's description in quite a few ways would make at least a few people turn their head!
Screw going to the base for info, let's just go to Wikipedia 22XX, as it SHOULD be!
Meanwhile, back on the ranch, Nameless Enemy Soldiers from before report their incompetence to Fairy Leviathan.
Oh, that's a great facial expression to begin with.
Leviathan is fairly intact from the Mega Man Zero games. She's just even more of an utterly tremendous bitch than before. Also, I don't think she cares too much about getting into Zero's pants, and frankly, I don't blame her with what she has to work with this time. After dismissing Nameless Enemy Soldiers with her patented bitch-scream, she swears that she'll kill Zero herself, because he killed her darling Stagnoff-chan.
Why in the world is Stagnoff suddenly so special to you now? Did you even READ last chapter? It SUCKED, by the way. Also, Stagnoff WAS MOOING. And he got killed by Sonic-er, I mean, Zero. Anyway, I thought you soulless Bizarro Guardians didn't attach value to things and badly translated characters. Then again, I'm not sure if they really gave a damn in the video games, either.
We go back to -3 and Ciel, in the middle of filming an episode of Cops.
"GET THE F*** DOWN!"
Their purpose was as expendable as this manga-distract the fuzz so Lito can secure the boat. Ciel gets the message, and tells -3 to pick up the pace already.
As if this manga wasn't exciting enough (my ass), something attacks Ciel!
Oh, wait, that was from a better manga. Sorry.
Time for witty banter!
And I'm TJ Hooker. Officer TJ Hooker. This is my partner, McMillian and Wife.
Family Guy quotes aside, Ciel demands for -3 to become Zero, but she hasn't learned yet that Zero's entrance is heavily dependent on the current dramatic lunge of the chapter, and things aren't quite as tense yet. Levi notices -3, and considers him a "cute child". Lady, I'm not sure what your creepy pedophilic standards are, but I can assure you that -3 deserves your IRE and nothing more. Hell, I can name LOTS of things that are cuter than -3.
Levi utters a traditional anime phrase-"I won't forgive you!" and charges up to EXTREME LEVELS!
OH GOD WHERE DOES SHE GET SUCH POWER HOW CAN THIS BE OMG THIS IS NOT POSSIBLE ETC
Water rises from the bay in a giant spiralling hydro tornado, until parts of it begin to freeze, creating some totally awesome Final Fantasy summon with a cinematic that takes 3 minutes to finish.
JUST ATTACK THE BOSS ALREADY! DAMN!
Levi commands for "Dragon-chan" to attack -3 and Ciel, and it follows begrudingly. I really don't know why she's slappin' the "-chan" on the end, the thing is inanimate and can't possibly return your feelings. At least it doesn't moo, I guess.
Speaking of Dragonball Z, Levi utters some typical DBZ dialogue:
God, what happened to your HEAD, Levi? It's like your chin slid halfway down your face and your helmet decided to shrink at the same time! I mean, I understand that this is manga, and character designs are different than what we expect from realistic characters, but come on, this was just executed so poorly that Levi looks like she in some ridiculously orgamsic pain or something. We can only assume Fefnir and Harpuia will have their own "ridiculous face" moments, and I, for one, do not look foward to it. Then again, I don't look foward to this manga, but I sacrifice my sanity for the amusement of my readers.
I love how Ciel is shocked by Levi's proclaimation. "Oh, my God! Leviathan wants to kill Zero JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE!" Here's a news flash-that's all they've DONE in this manga!
Ciel shouts for -3 to fight or run, just GET OUTTA THERE, dammit! -3 doesn't get the meta-reference and cowers like a fool but Ciel takes a Deep Dive, Tackle attacking Zero out of the way to make her own Soul Sacrifice, caught within the jaws of the icy beast. -3 repays the favor by babbling like a half-wit.
Ciel asks -3 to fight, because if he doesn't, there won't be a future for Reploids. Do we REALLY want to propagate Reploidkind if it gives us crap like this? If this is the future of Reploids, suddenly, robotic genocide seems very appealing. -3 sure doesn't get the message, either, and continues his little emo monologue parade. Levi shouts for Final Fantasy Summon to toss Ciel and get Zero, and toss he does, flinging Ciel as if he was trying for the record in shot put.
As Ciel is hurtled through the air, a power awakens with -3's heart, one of paradoxical manliness. Truly it seems impossible, but even in the greatest pussy beats the undeniable presence of a manly hero!
BY THE POWER OF GREYSKULL...
Zero's manliness is THROUGH THE ROOF at this point, catching Ciel and causing her to nearly swoon. Levi marvels at such a juggernaut of greatness, but asks, perhaps rhetorically, if Zero can defeat her massive Final Fantasy Summon. Setting down Ciel, Zero begins taking potshots at the summon, but it doesn't work too well. Zero resorts to slicing in half, in an act of pure pwnage and utter proof of Zero's manliness.
Too bad it DOESN'T WORK.
"Oh, no! The dragon has regenerated! But why is my chest horizonally larger than normal?"
Ciel realizes that she Had The Key All This Time, an item that can help Zero defeat the dragon, which looks like it came out of Men In Black. She tosses it to Zero, who slams it onto his saber to create a +1 Flaming Sword. And DAMN, that thing's long.
"Sword, get LONGER!"
Zero takes his flaming Buster Sword and chops through Final Fantasy Summon, and since fire pwns ice, you really should have seen this coming. Levi is HORRIFIED by this display of utter manliness and decides to hightail it, declaring she can't fight a weapon like that. Ciel explains that what she tossed Zero was a Fire Chip, and, not surprisingly, it pwns ice. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize we were still playing "State The Obvious".
Of course, since the Chip was untested, it's got a few side effects.
Zero says only you can prevent pyromania!
With that act of terrorism, Chapter Four is at an end, and I need a shot of whiskey for having to put up with it. My good friend Dr. McNinja will take care of the chapter summary for me today. Take it away, Doc.
Join me next time for Chapter Five, "One For The Sake Of All", and, quite possibly, the only damn thing that survived the transistion from the game to the manga. Be afraid. Be very afraid.
Until next time...let's get dangerous!
You win the internets for the refs, especially with the Doc McNinja.
Maybe Ciel's on her monthly?
It's official...StagnoffXLeviathan is now an officially canon couple.
NO. SHUT UP.
...You know, I almost like Ciel better this way... lol. This chapter was so over the top DBZ, it's not even funny. (Except when it's you writing the review.) You'd better hurry up and get that next one done! Because I said so! ...You know, you're right. Would would some annoying little uneducated kid like Lito have recognized Zero from the start, but all these higher ups with information access and all that have no idea what he looks like? Wait... this is me expecting the MMZ manga to make sense. I'm sorry. That was just silly.
That's okay. We all make that mistake now and again.
This whole damn manga is silly. In fact, it would be better off labeled as a 'Bad Joke'. No, excuse me, 'A REALLY Bad Joke'. But still, I'd want to read it myself, just to see how bad it is in person.
Apparently the ZX manga was good, but THD and I have doubts about the ZXA manga.
Hopefully it won't be a case of "Mega Man ZX Advent: The Return of -3!"
I read the manga online not from that site but another one after reading the first part I thought I had a tumor.I think the catch fraze for this manga should be "And sevral bad panals later."Now if you will excouse me I have to get this large bump on my head looked at.
Edited by axl z on August 9, 2007 at 8:05:09.
Edited by axl z on August 9, 2007 at 8:05:48.