Super special awesome bump! I've decided to make this review more public, so I created a blog exclusively for it!

http://mmzmangareview.livejournal.com/

The review of Chapter One is up on it as we speak! Tell your friends, so they can all join in on the SUCKFEST!

Edited by The Helldragon on August 19, 2007 at 13:05:59.

Can I put up posters?

Chapter Five, "One For The Sake Of All", ends the first volume of the Mega Man Zero manga, and trust me, you need to take a breather between volumes of this epic disappointment. We've drudged through crappy characters abandoned on the side of the road near This Plot Gargles Balls Avenue, and at this point, I wouldn't really expect anything less. However, there is one element of the video games that, defying all means, actually managed to remain intact in the manga. Of course, this also happens to be one of the most minor points of the entire Mega Man Zero series, so it's not like a tremendous sigh of relief here.



It's PASSY! Yay, BARELY EXISTENT CONTINUITY!

The chapter starts with -3, Lito, and Ciel riding the epic waves on their way to the Resistance Base, which is way out in the ocean on an island that seems more at place in a Bond movie.



Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom, Passy strikes up a conversation with Cerveau, that guy in the Mega Man Zero games that gave you all of those nifty toys. Except the Triple Rod. That sucked.

They talk about plot and crap, but with the way this part's set up, I'd rather just parody Dinosaur Comics instead.




Repeat over and over for a philosophical sleeper hit.

So OMG, here's Ciel! Cerveau, like all men who meet her, immediately attempts to violate her personal space.



Passy and Ciel share a loving moment, brought to you by the Coproration, the one that supplies the frothy bubbles in the background as Passy and Ciel embrace. Like normal people, Lito naturally wonders what the hell Passy's supposed to be.



NYAAAAHHHHH! DON'T DO THAT! I was ready to kung-fu your ass!

Cerveau explains that Passy's a Cyber Elf, and that he created them during his research. They each have special powers, with the one drawback Cerveau completely fails to mention at this point in time. Now, I'm not a scientist like Cerveau here is, but I were to create a race of powerful energy beings during MY research, I would have probably spent more time making them look a lot more impressive. I mean, come on! ELVES? Why did Cerveau, out of all the potential shapes these new energy lifeforms could take, decide to have them take on the shape of ELVES? Why not have them take cool forms to match their totally awesome powers? You know...like dragons?

Or...or guns!

CYBER GUNS



"They can do special things like boost a Reploid's power for a short period of time or heal them! Also, THEY CAN BLOW YOUR F***ING BRAINS OUT."

Sign me up for one of those.

Anyway, back to the "story". The rest of the Resistance notices Ciel and comes to greet her. She declares that she "carried out the mission".


"We've got Dish Network!"

The real mission was to bring back Zero, of course. Naturally, nobody really believes her, and with good reason. To get some more info on the failure of life that is -3, they hook him up to a machine and probe him or...something, I'm not really paying attention at this point.


"Subject is too comfortable! WE'RE LOSING COMFORT!"
"DAMN YOU, Lazyboy!"

Cerveau gets into the analyzing mood a bit too well, and shouts in amazement at some information on his screen.



YOU SCORED 50,000 POINTS ON DOUBLE DRAGON?!

Cerveau explains that, at the moment, -3 is using the lowest amount of energy possible to move, conversing it for when things get tense. To become Zero, -3 just releases that stored-up energy.

I want you to understand what this means, boys and girls, for it is an idea that serves to shake one's very core.


IN ORDER TO SAVE ENERGY, ZERO DECIDES TO
SUCK
ASS
ON
PURPOSE!

You all don't realize what I've gone through. I've sat here and FORCED myself to read EVERY SINGLE ONE of these chapters, filled to the BRIM with CRAP STEW, having to deal with the remarkable waste of existence that is -3, with the ONLY redeeming factor being Zero himself, and you, Mr. Manga, have the GALL to sit here and tell me ZERO WAS IN ON THE SUCKAGE

ALL

ALONG?

I think I'm going insane. I think the foundations of my very world are tearing apart at the seams!



SEE?

SEE?!

MY WORLD IS FALLING APART.


In reality, it was Fefnir punching the ground, in an area that suspiciously looks like any sort of background in Dragon Ball Z. He gloats that he's finally found the Resistance...somehow, and that they can't escape by hiding underground. Fefnir them proceeds to fire off the most elaborate punch ever:



You just PUNCHED THE GROUND, Fefnir! There wasn't a need for an ATTACK NAME! I understand that in anime and manga, it's common for characters to shout out the name of their special attacks. That's fine and dandy for special attacks, but that was a PUNCH. That's IT. There weren't any special effects, you weren't glowing yellow when you did it, it was just a punch. Hell, I can do a big elaborate punch to the ground too and call it something stupid like you did.

'Course, I'd break my hand if I did that, but that's beside the point.

Fefnir's Excessive Anime Punch tears through the ground and rocks the Resistance. Heading to the computer room, Ciel and the gang discovers that Fefnir apparently followed them to the island. The Resistance grabs some guns and proceed to fire potshots at Fefnir, who reinforces his utterly sadist nature.



Yeah, bitch! You'd better watch out, we've got, uh...we've got, uh, Cyber Elves.

Yeah. We're bad.



Bad dudes.




Ciel and the gang are the last to come out and take cover rather than heroically getting shot in the face. Instead of doing her job and leading the Resistance toward the best course of action in taking down the rage in the machine that is Fefnir, Ciel tells Cerveau to hold his fire, because she wants to see Zero fight.

Yeah, like Cerveau would've really turned the battle around for the Resistance.



What this is is a mess I ain't gonna clean up.

Is it just me, or does every anime character seem to fall to hands and knees and whine with their eyes covered by some mysterious blackness that just happened to appear over them? Fulfilling the proud tradition, Ciel does just that in realization that, possibly, this is somehow her fault. While Cerveau attempts to pull Ciel back together and -3 continues to waste valuable air, Fefnir notices the group, and promptly fires a load of flaming lead at them.



So he'll give his punches really elaborate, stupid attack names but he won't drop any on something that can actually be considered a special attack? Yeah, THAT makes sense.

As expected, Zero leaps in to save the day, using the Shield Boomerang to block the blast. And the damn thing's HUGE. I mean, just look at that!



IT'S OVER 9000!

...centimeters.

Fefnir is clearly thrilled to see Zero again, and for the most part, this is on-par with the games. Fefnir has, like, a fetish for violence, and loves fighting Zero because it satisfies that fetish in psychological ways I can't even begin to explain. With that, Fefnir pulls off his own Dragonball Z-esque aura!



I HOPE MY BODY CAN TAKE IT

Fefnir shoots a big fireball in the air, and Zero stupidly watches it break into a bunch of little fireballs that stream down toward him. As they crash in the ground, Zero leaps up through the resulting smoke, but that smoke gives Fefnir time to rush over and smack Zero old-school.



No, no, no, if you're gonna put an elaborate attack name on a simple uppercut, you'd better do it right.



That's better.

Zero hits the dirt, and he'd better after he gets pinned by the almighty Shoryuken. Lito shouts for his gay lover and Cerveau holds him tight to prevent him from running out to the battlefield, getting shot, and finally giving me a chance to rejoice. Fortunately, Ciel rushes out instead! Perhaps some good will come of this manga after all.



DON'T GLOAT, TAKE THE SHOT, YOU MORON!



About time.

Before being engulfed by Fefnir's hot, hard destruction, Zero magically leaps in front of Ciel and takes the brunt of the attack.



What the hell is this? Did you see how frickin' big that beam was? Zero had to extend the hell out of his Shield Boomerang to block the first one, how the hell could he take that second blast and not be blown to kingdom come? I understand Zero has one bigass character shield, but come ON! In Mega Man X5, X and Zero got shot through the chest by Sigma's beam, and it was way smaller than Fefnir's beam! How the hell could Zero have taken this?

I guess Fefnir is all flashy pretty noises and no bite, then. Of course, I'm not surprised he sucks, this is the Mega Man Zero manga, for crying out loud.

Zero falls over pretty uselessly, and Fefnir notes that there's no way Zero could recover from the effects of his weak ass beam. Rather than, you know, finish the job, Fefnir decides to let his nameless grunts clean up. I don't know about you guys, but I think that if Neo Arcadia needs to do anything, they need to show their generals the Evil Overlord List.

11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Cerveau explains that he needs to get Zero back to the base to fix him, and Ciel, well, tells him to carry the guy back to the base. Passy offers a different course of action.



"Awwwwww, I don't wanna draw the body right. I'll just wing it. Hopefully nobody'll notice Passy's debilitating club foot."

Lito's like "Hell yeah, that's MORPHINOMENAL, go revive Zero, Passy!" But that power, she comes with a price! Cerveau explains that Cyber Elves die when they use their powers, and since he hasn't bothered to fix this incredibly inconvienent design flaw yet, Passy'll go up to that big forest in the sky, where she'll make cookies with all the other elves that got killed in the great Keebler-Smurf War of '87.

As Ciel cries over the possiblity of losing her friend, I notice that so far, she's been INCREDIBLY bipolar in this manga. One minute she's all like "YEAH, LET'S KILL THESE BITCHES" only to drop to her hands and knees in anime fashion and wonder how this could happen to her. I suppose it's some sort of an attempt to give Major Hardass here a soft, caring side like she had in the video games, but hey, if you wanted to see that kind of character, maybe you should just GO PLAY THE GAMES THEMSELVES AND DON'T BOTHER WITH THIS MANGA. I don't need to remind you that they're WAY BETTER than this manga, but you know, I think I'll remind you again. THE VIDEO GAMES ARE FAR SUPERIOR TO THIS MANGA. The characters are better, the plot is better, Zero doesn't SUCK and overall, they're just way more satisfying than this crap.

Anyway, Passy enters Zero in a stream of light, which is how I imagine fairies healing Link in the Legend of Zelda, except without all the fanfare. Meanwhile, the Resistance is getting pummeled by the strangely competent forces of Neo Arcadia, and Ciel, already having a bad day, pulls out her gun and gets ready to shoot some ass. Suddenly, a crimson blur streaks into the battle and pwns the mess out of a Neo Arcadian soldier-Zero is back!

...yay.

Meanwhile, on a boat floating a distance from the island, Fefnir is amazed that Zero has magically returned to life. I bet you're feeling pretty stupid for not shooting his head off, aren't ya, Fefnir? Well, don't worry. We've all made stupid mistakes before reading the Overlord List. You'll get him next time.

Or maybe not, because suddenly, we see a newcomer standing behind Fefnir. Who can it be? Well, if every other Guardian's been introduced, that can only leave...





OH, NO! IT'S HARPUIA!








Well, that's it for Chapter Five. Can you believe there's a second volume of this crap? Can you believe that Manga Harpuia is nearly completely different from his video game counterpart? Can you believe that more pain awaits us in Volume 2, where we conclude -3's excellently crappy adventure and launch right into a whole new kind of disaster? Can you believe my wrists aren't cut yet after having to read this manga? You'd better get ready, true believers, because all this and more await you in Volume 2 of the Mega Man Zero manga. You'll laugh! You'll cry! You'll DIE INSIDE. And so much more.

Stay tuned...and keep your finger on the trigger.


Oh, and by the way. This?



This isn't a punch.




THIS is a punch.











GAME!

...nice.

So Zero died three times or so over the course of the X series, and once for good in the Zero series.

K, he's died once already in the manga, I'm-a gonna keep the death tally.

I'm gonna go have to check myself into the hospital. Because I think I broke my ribs laughing.

Dammit, now I want a cyber gun.



How many chapters are there anyway? How far can the suckage really go?


...I suppose really far, considering this is the MMZ manga we're talking about. >.>

I think there's, like, ten chapters total so far.

The fact that you said "so far" made me fear that there will be more of these abominable chapters of what some people dare call manga.

I was dissappointed by the manga, I hate the characters they came up with with all my being, most of the dialogue looks like it was writted as a joke. I've read MMZ fanfics that had better plots & fight scenes.

After a much-needed sabbatical, I'm back, and there's REALLY not much to come back to, if you know what I mean. To my incredible surprise, this manga actually has more than one volume, in case you weren't sick of the crap the first time around. I suppose it falls upon me to suffer through another volume, where mental scars fester in wait, for the sake of your amusement.

You totally owe me.



You know, I just noticed this disclaimer on the title page:

"If Rockman Zero 2 becomes licensed, distribution of this translation is to stop immediately or else Tanjou will have to face Capcom's wrath and probably never translate anything again."

If some moron at a manga company ever smokes enough pot to consider bringing this abomination to the states, I will personally order a hit on each executive officer of said company. I'm serious, people. Bringing this epic crapfest to the United States in official manga format is now an offense punishable by DEATH. Then again, I'll actually be preventing the population of manga readers in the U.S. from going insane because of this manga, so everything balances out for the better.

Last time, some things happened. We laughed, we cried, we questioned our perceptions of reality. Today, we're in a sub! Running away like little girls, Zero, Lito, Cerveau, and Ciel flee the island in an attempt to regroup.



"We've managed to avoid drowning!"

Cerveau says that they'll head over to their other base-Avengers West-and get the rest of the redshirts together. Zero passes on that retarded plan, deciding instead to go back and search for his memories. Oh, yeah, like THAT was a worthwhile mission to begin with.

Ciel offers a place for Zero to look.



"Go to Heaven. You can probably get there by dying. Just die, okay? Go die, go to Heaven or Hell or something, and maybe they'll help you, I guess."

...

"...I'm sorry, I'm just goin' through a bunch of stuff right now, okay?"

Ciel explains that Heaven is the central city of Neo Arcadia, and therefore, surely they will possess the memories of a century-old Reploid. Before we can find out what Zero thinks of this ridiculous notion, we're treated to an image of the central tower of Heaven, which is totally not a religious reference of any kind.



MEANWHILE, AT THE LEGION OF DOOM...!

So all the Guardians are together in what is possibly the most awkward conference ever. As expected, the Guardians assert themselves spendidly.



Wait, hold up. Why is Phantom here? He got pwned in Chapter Two by Zero!



Yeah, no one noticed you pull off that trick because THE AUTHOR PULLED IT OUT OF HIS ASS. At least in Naruto you know RIGHT AWAY that someone did this kind of trick, because a GIANT LOG falls down to the ground! How the hell could no one have noticed Phantom doing something like that?!

Harpuia basically calls them all losers (a sentiment I fully agree with) and the other Guardians whine and moan and Harpuia finally decides to head out and do the job that they failed to accomplish.



I DON'T CARE IF YOU DIDN'T LOSE. SHUT UP.

Meanwhile, Zero and his group-whom I like to call the Failure Patrol-lands at some random shore, and Cerveau gives Zero back a modified Z-Saber, with an adjusted Flame Chip included in the box. Cerveau also mentions that there is an Ice Chip and Thunder Chip, which the Resistance doesn't have, and that Zero should equip them if he finds them on his journey.

This concept is so ridiculously metagame, first off. Secondly, who has these magical chips that the Resistance knows about but doesn't happen to possess? Why would Zero have to FIND them? I mean, if we can assume that these chips were developed by someone else, and the Flame Chip was based off of them, the Resistance would have to had possessed them at one point, and either lost them behind the couch somehow or just forgot to bring them along for the ride. Do the math, boys and girls.



Lito wonders if the Failure Patrol will survive without the manly manness of Zero. Zero tells Lito to go away, but Lito doesn't seem to catch the message. Instead, he spots something that sends him into a double take:



YOU JUST NOTICED THIS?!

DAMN, you're slow.

Before Zero can ponder why he is still a vessel of manhood, he throws up.



DUDE! KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!

Unfortunately, -3 has made his untriumphant return, and this is because he seems to have spit out Passy, a character WHICH SHOULD NOT STILL BE ALIVE. Somehow, by the good graces of the devil, Passy remained active inside Zero, and just took the awesomeness with her when Zero threw her up. Why did this have to happen? Not ONLY am I wishing -3 was buried forever within the man shell that is Zero, Passy is a minor character through and through-what kind of impact, if any, could she make to the story?

I guess we have to fulfill standard RPG ratios here: with three characters in the party, one of them has to be a girl. Unfortunately, that girl is not Passy.



Lito suggests Passy come along, and they had better, because there is no way in hell I am reading this chapter without Zero popping in later and gracing us with his man power. Meanwhile, a camera watches the group, and the scene moves up to a plane, where Harpuia is watching. Rather than actually bother to fight Zero himself, Harpuia sends Aztec Falcon to do the deed.



...wait, wait, wait, wait, whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoaWHOA. Hold on.



...

WHAT
THE
F***
IS
THIS?

Blizzack Stagnoff actually LOOKED like he did in the video games, but then this manga turns around and makes Aztec Falcon look like THIS?! WHAT THE HELL, man? Oh, and wait until you see his dialogue, he keeps tacking on "Fal" at the end of his sentences like he's some reject Pokemon. What are you trying to DO, break my brain beyond repair? Because it's WORKING.



Oh, shut up, Bison.

So...the party's heading toward Heaven, and Lito tells -3 that it's an enemy base, which is always a smart move. As -3 freaks out, Lito smacks him and tells him to be cool. Before I can make a joke that involves Lito and -3's Freudian relationship, Bizarro Falcon shoots his lightning crap at them, and fails to hit any of them.



Here's a ProTip: TRY AIMING!

About this time, the group notices Bizarro Falcon swooping down on them, firin' lightning bolts of death, so they run over to a bunch of ruined buildings.



With his current track record, Bizzaro Falcon's got enough trouble hitting you out in the open.



See? He missed so hard, he hit a building!

Of course, this creates problems for the group anyway, as the building crumbles and threatenes to crush them underneath boulders of bouldery death. -3 avoids a large hunk of rock that was meant for him, only to notice that Bizarro Falcon has claimed Lito in his bizzaro claws.



Bizzaro Falcon asks -3 what he's gonna do now that Lito's in this current pickle, and Lito shouts for -3 to become awesome again. Becoming awesome, unfortunately, is not within -3's directive, so he must resort to leaping away from Falcon's lightning attack.



Oh, THANKS FOR THE OPTIONS, JERK!

-3 proceeds to run like a little girl. As he narrowly avoids Bizarro Falcon's shots, the freak of nature gets so steamed that he drops Lito.







Crap.

Bizarro Falcon, being a sneaky bastard, takes his shot.



I'd probably be lying if I said -3 didn't deserve that a little bit.

Lito gets his senses back and notices that -3 is lying unconcious in the street, which probably happens more often than this manga covers. Passy decides to act like the little catalyst she is, and enters -3 to reawaken the awesome beast within.

Meanwhile, Bizarro Falcon gloats.



NO. SHUT UP.

Zero's back on the scene, and he begins the battle by playing some Duck Hunt with his buster. Blocking the shots, Bizarro Falcon gloats that Zero can't hit him from all the way down there.



Sure shut HIM up real quick.

Still, Bizarro Falcon doesn't know when to die, and smacks Zero back toward the ground. Before Zero becomes an uninspiring stain on the ground, he remembers a vital piece of advice from Cerveau.



...hold on, that's not right.



There we go.

Zero modifies his weapon into that lovable, extendable whip called the Chain Rod, and catches himself on a building before the ground could break his fall. He promptly runs up the wall and tries to bitchslap Bizzaro Falcon, but the little punk flies higher.



Yeah, that's a pretty nice tactic there, Bizarro Falcon.

It's too bad that



With that, the stain upon this earth is vanquished. Zero celebrates by throwing up.



DUDE, I SAID QUIT IT

Meanwhile, Harpuia notes that he figured that Bizarro Falcon couldn't beat Zero, and he wanted Bizzaro Falcon to die as much as I did. However, with the battle data he has collected...



OH NOOOOOehhhh, I don't really care.

You know, morbid curiousity has gotten the better of me...with Harpuia's battle with Zero coming up in the next chapter, we might as well take a sneak peek on what it's like...

(skims ahead)

WHAT THE FU-

"Due to circumstances beyond our control, we now join 'Leave it to Beaver', already in progress..."

Until next time...

GO DIE IN A FIRE, BIZARRO FALCON!






This review was brought to you by the God Hand credits music. Respect.

... Phantom, using a Naruto technique? Wtf? And I thought Siarnaq was bad, freakin' Narutard he is.

And Bizarro Falcon's expressions scare me. They make the baby Jesus cry.

I could say. So much. That is wrong with this. But here's one thing I'm surprised you missed, that they SCREWED UP BAD. PHANTOM is First Guardian! He'd be in command of Harpuia!

Seriously? Where'd you find that out?

All I know is that Harpuia was the first amongst the guardians in MMZ3, or at least it looked like that, and that Phantom does not deserve to have such a high rank when he acts like a retard.

I mean, seriously, I myself am a fan of the Naruto series, but COME ON. It's MEGAMAN.

...okay, it's the craptacular Mega Man Zero manga, but STILL. Couldn't they give us at least ONE LITTLE SPOT OF HOPE?

Wherever hope rears its shiny head, this manga will be there to kick it in the testicles.

Peachy.


...wait, isn't "Hope" a girl's name?

Isn't "Peach" a girl's name?

Why, I believe it is.

I started reading this manga today.

I feel soiled.

i'll let this GIF talk for me



and another thing i found on the way

2+2=

We're almost at the end of this sorry tale, ladies and gentlemen. Unfortunately, if you thought things were bad before, you ain't seen nothin' yet. The last two chapters of this exercise in retaining sanity serve up more canon crap than ever before, and it starts by hittin' us hard and heavy with this manga's interpertation of Sage Harpuia.

For all of my bitching about the other Guardians in this manga, at least their personalities somehow managed to stay similar to how they're depicted in the video games. Fefnir's still a violent jerk who wants to fight Zero, Leviathan is still uppity and arrogant at times, and Phantom is still a major Narutard (although he's not whiny in the games like he is here). If you got to praise the Mega Man Zero manga for something, at least you can claim that the other Guardians are actually recognizable.

This, of course, fails to apply to Harpuia in any fashion whatsoever. Instead, he was thrown down the same path as Ciel-completely opposite from what you'd expect. What you can expect, though, is that IT DOES NOT WORK AT ALL.



This chapter kicks off by reusing the same panel of Heaven that we saw last chapter. Down in the streets below, Zero fights against the loyal drones of Neo Arcadia, while Lito cowers behind a wall and lets his wife do the talkin'.



And God said, "B-7."



YOU SANK MY BATTLESHIP

Zero pauses to notice Lito lying face down on the ground behind him, and freaks out in girly terror.



Turns out -3 had one of those intentionally prophetic, foreshadowing dreams you see a lot in anime. Passy points out to him that Lito is only unconcious due to sleep and not from splash damage, although if they killed him now, no one would ever know.

The scene moves to Harpuia's little jet, where a scientist hauls out those floating little trump cards of death known as Cyber Elves. He reiterates what Cerveau already said about them-super powers in exchange for suicide, in case you were too dense to catch it the first time. Or if, you know, you aren't really paying attention to begin with like I am.

Harpuia lets them know straight up that they are his bitches, and they will die for him so that he can get mad hax0rs. The aimbots are mostly enthusiastic about this.



Jerry Mathers over here doesn't seem to be in with the program, though.



Yeah, man. I mean, hell, there's way better people to die for.



Meanwhile, our typical little RPG party travels through a large forest.



-3's still jumpy over running into Blizzack Stagnoff back in Chapter Three, I guess. Only wind can make -3 wuss out like this, and he clenches down on Lito like a cat does when it does not want to be picked up (and you had better leave that cat alone, if you know what's good for you. Trust me on this one, kids). Before the midget can unload five across -3's face, though, something attacks the trees around them!



Wait a minute...



Could it be?



Naw...it couldn't be.

But...they're both from Capcom...



Is it true?



OH MY GOD!



HOLY CRAP, THIS IS SO-

...

Oh.


It's YOU.



Well, that's just great! Just when I thought there was a bright spot on the bleak horizon, you dash my hopes into a thousand pieces! Thanks a lot, manga. Thanks a lot.

So Harpuia and Zero clash swords with each other in an ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny. Harpuia remarks that Zero's kung fu is good, and leaps backwards to fire off an attack.



STOP TAUNTING ME.

I wanted Guile. :[

Taking some damage from the Sonic Boom, Zero leaps up and throws his Chain Rod at Harpuia's shoulder, which is usually where blades aren't supposed to go, but in the heat of battle you tend to stick them whereever and hope for a good result. As the two land, Harpuia notes that at the rate they're goin', the fight'll take way too long, and they don't have nearly enough panels to cover it all. So, in the immortal spirit of Emeril, he kicks it up a notch.



CYBER ELVES, I CHOOSE YOU!



The bad guy's CHEATING? I DID NOT EXPECT THIS AT ALL



Harpuia fails to notice little Beaver Man scamper off as he says that Zero's exaggerated remark wasn't really neccessary, since he's used Cyber Elves before as well. He orders the nurse elf to clean up his monkey bite.


"The good Cyber Elves don't come out until the fourth game, anyway."

Zero plays the morality card and says that Cyber Elves are living beings. Harpuia counters with the jackass card:


'Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to remove this gigantic stick from my ass.'

God, who are you, and where the hell is the Harpuia that's NOT a total jerk? At least Harpuia had a sense of MORALITY in the video games. Here he's all "screw this, screw that, the concept of life and fairness has no meaning to me, I'm not Guile so you're gonna have to deal with it". He sounds like he came off some crappy fanfiction at Fanfiction.Net. Hell, I bet that's where the author probably got all of his information. God forbid he actually play the games, oh, no! That would make too much sense! Let's just rip off some poorly written stories by a bunch of fangirls and call it a day. Hell, Lito even reads like one of those unneccessary original characters introduced into the story just to interact with the other established characters and go on crazy ass adventures with them.

( This, of course, comes from a guy who wrote those kinds of stories at one point. <_< )

You know, Harpuia's expression kinda reminds me of something...



Nah.

So yeah. Harpuia's statement doesn't sit too well with Beaver Man and Passy.


Passy's not in your crotch, Zero. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Passy whines that it's wrong for the elves to off themselves in this way. Well, maybe we wouldn't be having this problem if Cerveau didn't halfass it when he was making Cyber Elves to begin with, now wouldn't we?

Zero shoots at Harpuia, who grabs the puffer Cyber Elf and sucks up the bullets, promptly chucking the thing at Zero afterwards.



Man, it's like he's throwing a PUPPY at Zero! You ASSWIPE!

It's about this time that Puffer blows up in Zero's face.


"OH, GOD, I CAN'T LOOK AT THIS MANGA ANYMORE! IT'S TOO HORRIBLE!"

Man, PETA's gonna have a field day with this one.



Oh, thank you for explaining what just happened, Harpuia. I forgot that I was temporarily BLIND, DEAF AND STUPID for a minute there.

Meanwhile, all this carnage is starting to get to Beaver Man.



You got a...you got a, uh...you got somethin' hangin' off your nose there. Lemme...lemme, uh...well, you know what, you can get that.

Somehow, someway, the recoil from Puffer's explosion has managed to damage Zero's leg, and he's basically helpless for the moment. How the hell is this even possible? Zero took an explosion to the face, why isn't the rest of him scarred or injured in any real way? And why did his leg get so messed up if the rest of him wasn't affected at all? Of course, after taking Fefnir's beam to the chest in Chapter Five without getting wiped out, you can probably say that the rules of pain in this manga are only influenced by the current drama of the moment.

Then again, if this was the case, why didn't -3 just explode when Lito fell off the cliff way back?

It would certainly save me a lot of trouble, that's for sure...



That's like saying "It'll be easy to beat this old man in a wheelchair with this bat I found!"

Harpuia decides the best way to finish off Zero is through total overkill, and casts his most powerful technique, Thunder Prison. Lito, being the dumb little turd he is, scampers over to Zero's aid despite protests.



That's just a BRANCH! Zero could've gotten a halfassed walking stick all by himself! Yeah, I'll take that walking stick, Lito. Why don't you turn around so I can TAN YOUR HIDE, you worthless character!

So a big storm starts to brew, with thunder and lightning and crazy tornadoes, and Harpuia's so confident that he'll come out victorious that he indulges himself in a bout of stereotypical laughter.



DO NOT WANT YOUR CROTCH

I swear to God, this manga's OBSESSED with crotch shots. You give me all these crotch shots of Zero and Harpuia, and you don't even give me one good compromised shot of Leviathan I can oggle over? Have you even HEARD of fanservice?

But suddenly, something attaches to Harpuia's face!



Hey, leave it to Beaver to get us out of this jam!


NOOOO! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR BEAVER

Rather than, you know, leap up and slice Harpuia into cheese while he has the chance, Zero decides to waste his time by chargin his laser. Beaver Man disentigrates JUST AS Zero's got a fully loaded shot, which he unloads right on Harpuia's face.



This time, they actually bothered to give a reason why Harpuia wasn't completely snuffed out. Remember that defense buff he got earlier from the turtle aimbot? Yeah, that's the closest he can come to a character shield in this manga, so that's why he's not a bunch of pretty boy chunks strewn all about the forest. I can't say the same for his mental facilities, though, because then he goes and asks Zero this ridiculous question:



What the hell kind of question is this?! WHY THE HELL would Zero do that? You've tried to kill him all throughout this manga for some psychotic vision of executing all Reploids (WHICH YOU ARE A PART OF, I MIGHT ADD), without giving ANY GOOD REASONS AT ALL, and you just want him to suddenly up and forget all this crap and join you? Hell, you tried to kill him RIGHT NOW! Do you have the A-D-H-D? I may have given Zero a lot of crap in this manga, but at least he's not THAT stupid!



WHAT THE HELL, MAN?!

The chapter just kinda ends there-Zero tells Lito to go away, because he's gonna go "finish this fight". You know what? That's fine with me. Why, you ask? Because the next chapter IS THE FINAL CHAPTER! At long last, this painful journey is almost over! However...if you thought the first seven chapters were loaded with the most ridiculous, pointless, illogical crap you've ever seen, the worst is yet to come. Words cannot begin to describe the horrors of Chapter Eight...and yet, I will try to do exactly that.

Join me next time for the final chapter, Chapter Eight, "The Truth of the Hero, and the Legend"! Save your game now, heroes-there's no turning back from here.

Until next time...

I'm surprised you haven't mentioned that Cyber Elves were around long before Cerveau, and how the hell did Neo Arcadia get Cyber Elves in this anyway?

And wait, final chapter? I thought there was more than just eight chapters.

I have a theory that Zero knows full well how much this manga sucks. So he sucks ass on purpose, not to conserve energy, but to spite the readers.

Then I would need to pop him in the mouth.

Capcom needs to stop handing out licenses to so-called "professionals" who really are fangirls who love single-minded stereotypical characters and love between robots and little spiky-haired boys.

Another reason why I dread the ZX Advent manga.

...

Dear God. That sentence sounded like the loud rumbling of impending doom.

I read this manga once i stopped after zero used the flame chip.
and seeing all of what happens afterwards i am glad i did.

megaman nt warrior manga was ok and the X series manga was ok also.