UnNews:President Bush Acknowledges the Existence of Soccer

8 May 2006


President George W Bush was handed a secret memo from the CIA this morning, concerning the possible existence of "soccer".

In a televised address to the nation, President Bush expressed his surprise and dumbfound amazement over the existence of the game that he, sports enthusiast that he is, had no previous knowledge of, in spite of the fact that it is regularly played in all parts of the world (even including various outlying regions of the United States).

"Frankly, I wasn't previously informed of the nature or widespreadedness of this strange sport", avered the President. "I mean, whenever I was overseas on a diplomatic mission, everytime some head of state or one of his underlings mentioned the big football game, I tactily assumed they were talking of the latest NFL or collegiate match-up, such as between the Cincinnati Bengels and Texas AMU."

"Let's face it", continued Bush, "soccer is a tough game, played with a weird ball. From what I have been told, the rules there don't allow the ball to be touched with human hands, neither do they allow intimate contact between the men playing it. However", pausing for breath and teleprompter scrolling, "even taking these apparent so-called advantages into consideration, it is my firm belief that the sport of soccer football will never seriously compete with real American football in the hearts and minds of True Americans."

Later, taking questions from the field, President Bush reiterated some of the details of his impovershed culturally-deprived Texan childhood, such as never having the opportunity to witness soccer, classical music, grinding poverty, hurricanes, or black people firsthand. He then expressed his profound admiration for the conservative American values that allowed even the likes of himself to overcome such debilitating odds in growing up to be elected President, almost twice.

Edited by Mega X.exe on May 8, 2006 at 21:05:46.

I wouldn't be surprised if that was real...but PLEASE tell me it's a joke XD

Hahahahaha. Typical.

Heh, amusing, This is a joke right?