So to keep me from writing anything important, the school paper editor told me to start reviewing Smallville episodes due to the entire school being rabid fans of the show... >_> This is the beginning of a biweekly(hopefully) column.
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Smallville episode 1: Pilot "Da hood initiations..."
by BD

Welcome to my insane column people. This is your first glimpse of the future so let's get the ball rolling.

Okay, so episode 1. Show opens with a ton of crap happening, including the Kents getting flowers, Lex and his dad finalizing a business deal that lands Lex in the middle of a cornfield, and Lana 'granting a wish', then the meteors come along. Lana watches her parents get hit by a meteor. Lex sees the 'Crow', which will come into play later. He also kinda gets his hair burned off. The Kents get thrown from the road, and the truck lannds on its top. Good old ma wakes up to look at a naked little Clark. Imagine how you would deal with this situation.

Okay, Remy Zero's wailing comes on now if memory serves, might be a little sooner. People compare them to U2; i've heard the same stuff in cofee houses quite a few times.

Fast forward about 14 years and Clark is running late for school. He gets to school and meets the super annoying Chloe and Pete, "Randy jackson" Ross. Clark tries to walk up to Lana, but she's wearing a Kryptonite necklace. Thud goes Boy blunder... I wonder how that must feel, falling on your face in front of a hot girl in a cheerleading outfit. Oh and she's got a real dip**** of a jock boyfriend too. STEREOTYPES ARE GOOD FOR YOU!

Clark is walking home when a convenient plt devi-I mean Lex Luthor comes speeding down the street in his sports car. He hits Clark and they go over a bridge. Just then Superteen realizes he's invincible. He gives Luthor CPR and Lex lives...

As a thank you, Clark discovers a truck sitting at his house from Lex. Good ole' Pa tells him that Luthors are evil because they buy people's land...>_<'. Superlad responds by eventually throwing his arm in a wood chipper to show he's invincible.

Lana'a talking to her dead parents at the graveyard. Clark attempts to be smooth while failing horribly.

Okay, so some boring stuff happens and we meet the freak of the week, the scarecrow from the flashback...The PLOT THICKENS! So he's apparently got some dispensable meteor power, lightninng-y controll-y sort of... He wakes up from a coma...with Electical powers. ELECTRO JESUS TO THE RESCUE...Oh, and he fries some infidel football players that put him up there.

So Jock decides that he's going to put Lana's necklace around Clark, and make him the scarecrow while everyone goes to the dance. Lex finds him in the cornfield, boy, what a plot devi- I mean nice guy he is. Clark then goes after Electro-Jesus because he knows its electro-Jesus after following the crumb trail earlier.

He finds Electro-Jesus playing with the school's fusebox and throws something that hurts electro-Jesus at Electro-Jesus and well, when Electro-Jesus wakes up he has Amnesia.

Episode ends with Clark up in his loft when Lana comes up and dances with him. Boy, isn't she a two-timin' lil' *****. Oh well, finally done.

Overall, i'll give it a 4 out of 5. Lex is too convenient for this to be a 5.

On a side note, a review site used the name Electro-Jesus so I figured it'd be easy just to use that since I didn't pay attention to his name.
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Whadya say?

You might want to edit that...I don't think your school paper will allow some of the stuff in there.

Yeah, I know. I'm putting my rough drafts up on here, just because here I can put my full opinion without prinicpals hounding you about certain word choices.