Clang!

Two swords met in mid-air, the vibrations from the impact ran up the two fighters’ arms, forcing them to grip harder otherwise lose the weapons they held. The sounds of their battle were drowned out by the other activity around them, the other warriors in the fray, showing valor and courage only to be put to the test.

Catapults were set on the outside of the fortress, each manned by three men. The catapults were set into three orderly lines, of five units in each row. They began to unload the rocks, explosives, anything that would be set into the arm of the catapult, and were launched high into the air, in harmony with the other shots made in the field. Two of the three men pulled the arm back into place while the other went for more ammunition. It was a steady process, but took a lot of energy to pull it off.

A lone rider came up into the field, his horse charging toward the catapults with inhuman speed. The horses rider wore a light green breastplate, his chainmail gloves gripping the reins with all of his might. His spiked up blond hair waved in the wind, his right hand holding his spear, while his left held on. His shin guards beat on the side of the animal, each of them clanking as they did. The man rode up and came to a halt and began to address one of the catapult men.

“Where is our lady?” He addressed the man in a calm demeanor. He shifted the lance in his hand to better suit his arm. The rider looked at the man as he turn, wiping away the sweat from his face, the leather gloves looked absolutely soaked to the core.

“Last I seen of her, Sir Acel, she was advancing toward the inside of the fortress. From there, I lost sight, but paying attention wasn’t my job. She commanded each of us, even should he fall, we were to continue the attack. That is what we are doing now.” The man turned back to the catapult and loaded the explosive container and ushered Acel to step back a foot or two. He went around to the end of the catapult and pulled the rope, screaming, “Fire!” at the same time. The arm roared as it launched the projectile into the air and out of sight. The man again, wiped his head, Acel now seeing that the man was about forty-ish, his head was completely bald, and he gave off a sort of... respect about him.

Acel steadied his steed and nodded to the man. “I thank you. Continue doing a fine job.” Acel dug his heels into his steed and rode on, as the man nodded and began to instruct them into the routine once more.

Acel’s face was beginning to numb up from the wind, but he carried an important message from their Queen. It was his sworn duty to deliver the message, one way or another. The only problem with this was that he needed to find the commander to finish out his charge. This was, if not still is, the hardest part of a messenger.

As Acel came to the front gate, he began to see what had really began to happen around here. There were bodies everywhere. Not just from his Queen’s forces, but from the opposing army as well. Bodies lay floating in the moat, random limbs lay here and there, and there were plenty of weapons around. Should they ever run out of javelins, there were more than enough on the front area alone. Acel slowed his steed to a steady trot as they entered the fortress.

Acel scanned the area. There was still an abundant amount of fighting in the area. There were several banners waving, both from each side. Acel readied his lance as he moved forward. It wasn’t often that he got to be in a fight, he is more than likely one to stay on the side-lines and give out commands, but so be it that he be forced to fight, he isn’t one to take lightly. Especially with a lance.

No sooner did he begin to advance on moving into the Queen’s army, a few roguish warriors sprung out on him, their swords at the ready. Two of them came down on Acel from above, Acel quickly parried off their blows with his lance, pushing them back, forcing them to came at him again. The other two came from the sides. Acel managed to kick one of them off while the other dove his sword at Acel’s side. He leaned back in the saddle, barely missing the blade, and caught the man right through the neck, crippling him instantly. The two in front of Acel struck at the horse, forcing Acel’s steed to rear up, causing him to lose balance and force him from the saddle. Acel landed, more or less ungracefully, on his feet, pulling his lance in front of him. One of them came at Acel, sword raised high in the air. Acel moved forward as well, his lance fully extended and rammed it through his stomach, lifting him into the air only to sling him off and turn to the other two that came at him. He swept his feet at one of them, causing him to fall to the ground while the other met the back of Acel’s lance, knocking him unconscious. Acel let go of the lance and pulled out his sword, cleaving the assailant’s head cleanly off. Acel sheathed his blade and picked his lance back up. He turned to the enemy and charged.

As he began to become intensely engaged with the enemy, he caught sight of the Allied commander, Kare. Kare was of medium build, her long, red hair flowing behind her, emerging from the inside of her helmet. Her armor was of a standard issue of platemail, chainmail underneath it, and a light, very light in fact, thin metal shirt. Her auburn cape flew behind her, he movements a blur compared to the rest of the army, he swift killing blows were nothing to gasp at. He held her sword with expert swordsmanship, her skills were unparalleled.

Acel moved up to her left flank and stood beside her, giving off his message. Kare slew another soldier before actually listening to what Acel had to say. She moved to closest wall and Acel followed, preparing for the worst. When they stopped, she removed her helmet, exposing her beautiful face for the first time in battle. Her golden eyes seemed to just sparkle in the moonlight, her facial features almost made Acel melt on the spot. She shook her head and nodded at Acel, whom of which was star struck at that moment, only to come to and shake his head, bowing afterwards.

“My lady, our Queen brings word that the reinforcements that were promised will, most unfortunately, will not be coming to our aid. They seemed to have ran into an ambush party, no more than a mile from here. If they live, there will not be nearly enough soldiers to assist us.” Acel wiped the sweat from his eyes, he could barely see as it was, and the sweat was only making him feel worse than he did. He stood still until Kare responded.

She rested there, now leaning on the wall behind her, thinking. No reinforcements, no chance to have an absolute victory, and a high chance of failure is resting in this battle... She stood straight up once more and addressed Acel as she would any of her other soldiers. “Are you forced to report back to the Queen as soon as you get the message delivered, am I correct?”

Acel nodded. “Yes, my lady, she bids me to return as soon as possible. It was only by sheer will that she allowed me to come out here to give you this message.”

Kare shook here head. “Well, if I could have the possibility to persuade you to stay and fight, would you consider it?” Kare needed more fighters such as Acel. What she had now were mostly greenhorns and soldiers who have only been in one entire battle in their lives. Acel stood there for a moment, thinking what would be more beneficial to him. Acel nodded slowly.

“Aye, I would take up on your offer, my lady. Anything to serve the betterment of the Queen.” Acel put his left hand over the area where his heart lay, his feet clicking together as he did. Kare smiled widely.

“Then, Acel, I ask of you to assist me in this battle. I need a good fighter by my side and a new captain. My previous one was struck by a night arrow.” Night arrows were an evil method used by archers and bowmen alike. In a darkened fighting situation, such as tonight, most bowmen use flaming arrows, to tell if they are hitting their targets and to deal additional damage to the wooden weapons that just happened to be resting in the enemy’s camp, while night arrows were used to strike at their foes, giving them no warning when the arrows were to strike them. The flaming arrows gave a slight light in the sky, signaling when to take proper cover, but when night arrows were fired, no one but the initial bowmen that fired them would know when they would make impact. A devilish, but effective tactic.

Acel nodded in agreement. “Of course I will fight with you. My life is in your hands, my lady.” He bowed, picking up his lance from the ground and returned to the fighting. Kare drew her sword and joined him shortly after.



“Sir, the enemy is nearly within the inner keep of the fortress. What are your orders?” A fairly young man kneeled before the lord of the keep, his hands above his lowered head. He kept his stance, as he always did, with dignity. His long, red hair rested on both of his shoulders, as it did on partial areas of his back.

The lord rose from his throne, and laughed. His purple and silver robes moved with vigor as he laughed, showing just how loose the cloth that made them was. He turned his green eyes on his servant and waved his hand. “Send him out. Make them fear out strength and resolve. Make sure to pull back all the forces you can before you do so, however. I don’t want any unnecessary casualties.” The servant nodded, and was dismissed. The lord strode over to the window closest to the larger part of the battle and stared down on them.

“What awaits them... they will soon see a darkness more evil than the demon lord himself! They will know better than to mess with Lord Cameral!” He chuckled once more, as he seen his forces beginning to move back from the other soldiers. It was soon to begin... It would soon be the time for him to rise above their so-called “Queen” and show all of Elian who the real leader was! Only one piece was left standing...



“The enemy, they are retreating!” One of the soldier called out as the enemy began to hurriedly move from the front lines and were running as if they had seen a ghost of a sort. The Allied forces roared in unison as they moved forward, their moral now at its peak. However, this moral would soon be left to one.

As they moved closer to the tower that set in the center of the fortress, a load crack of thunder could be hear. Not very many people seemed to notice, as they continued forward without worry. A second crack, followed by a third. Acel slowed his pace to a walk, listening to the sounds as they came louder and more consistent. He soon came to a standstill, his main attention drawn to the sound of thunder. What puzzled him the most was the fact that there wasn’t any lightning to contribute to the sound. There weren’t even any clouds to speak of in the night sky.

A congregation of screams emanated from the soldiers as lightning began to erupt from the planet itself. It shot upward, into the night sky, throwing the soldiers around like dolls, killing some upon the strike, others as they came down from the sky. Acel could do nothing was watch helplessly as his comrades were being torn apart by this act.

Suddenly, from the ground came a figure into the air, a brown, tattered cloak moved in the wind as the figure moved up then down back to the planet’s surface. It had its claws extended, a ferocious look upon its face. The black hair that covered its body was beyond comprehension, seeing how no normal man could have that much hair, but as it came down to the ground, he could tell that this was no human. This was a Elemental Druid. Druids were always feared for their ability to shapeshift on the split second of a thought. Most chose to be a fully shifted animal, such as a wolf or bird of some kind, however, very few chose to be in the shape of a Were-wolf. The one in question, as it would seem, was one of few.

As it came down, it quickly grabbed Acel by the throat and rose him into the air. Acel began to gasp for his breath as a voice began to speak.

“Well, well, well... If it isn’t the Queen’s son, Acel! And what, pray tell do you think you are doing fighting! Oh, wait! Don’t tell me! I like surprises... You know, as much as I want to kill you, my master has told me to pass on a message to you, dear boy. He has charged me to tell you, so that you may pass this onto your mother, ‘Don’t try to underestimate us again. Next time, we attack your capital city and we will crush the foundation that was set!’ Rather dramatic for my tastes, but it gets the message across.” The Druid tightened his grip only to throw Acel across the field with great ease. “Oh, and as for the woman here...” The Druid moved toward Kare, who was now unconscious from being struck by one of the lower voltage lightning strikes. “We will be more than happy to keep her company...” The Druid laughed loudly, only to disappear in a cloud of smoke, Kare vanishing with him. Acel now lay on the stone floor of the fortress, his body gasping for breath....

No... Kare...



So ... how does it look? This is, more or less, my first serious piece of writing that I plan to continue, should it kill me. >_>;;

WOW!It's great and well worth the time to read. I wish I had read it earlier. I hope you keep going.:)

Aside from the odd grammatical problem, it's well written. You make effective use of imagery and establishing setting, but on that note, you can try incorporating your descriptions of the tangible things more naturally.

As a random example, instead of saying
"He wore orange armor that shone in the sunlight", you could try something to the extent of
"As he peeled a glowing purple banana, his orange armor glistened in the sun."

The easiest way to summarize that bit of advice is 'Show, don't Tell'. It helps in that instead of going off and reading a seperate paragraph about, say, what night arrows are, or the kind of armor person x wears, it doesn't detract from general 'flow' to it.


That'll be $20.



[Edited on 12/9/2005 by Zaleon]

The castle walls vibrated to the beat of the rhythmic drums, the sound of music moved through each of the halls, as if trying its best to tell anyone and everyone that the beat was there. The tempo was fairly smooth, but had the slightest element of anger to it.

Bum... bum-bum... bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum.... bum, bum, bum... bum-bum...

The music was coming from inside the theater that had been, just recently, added to the castle. This was, in fact, the third use to date. It even retained that 'new' smell that just constructed rooms, buildings, etc., had. It was built of stone on the outer wall, which was seen by anyone outside the castle itself, while the inside had a very fine burgundy color. The main stage was set in the front of the giant room, deep, dark green colored curtains waved back and forth from the energy coming from the drums, which were hidden from the public view thanks to the curtains being closed. To the center and back to the rear were rows upon rows of seats, allowing a good five-hundred or more attendance of people to enjoy the theater at once. There were two floors to the room: the lower floor for the lower ranked class and an upper floor meant for her heiness and her guests.

The center of the upper floor, which was set in a crescent shape, was placed for the Queen herself, a smaller version of her actual throne set here. On either side of the throne were set five seats, allowing ten nobles and/or guests to sit where they please. The Queen didn't expect anymore than three people to be sitting up there at one time, but she took precaution incase there ever were a time that there were.

The seats on the bottom floor were beginning to fill up, people now scrambling to a seat before someone beat them to it, all the while the top floor remained barren, given two guards awaiting the Queen. Nashera, the Queen of this majestic castle, wasn't one to keep people waiting or to be late, for that matter, but other things had her attention for longer than she had hoped, and were aggravating her mind. She entered the room, via the top floor, and made her way to her seat.

Queen Nashera was a fairly attractive woman: long, elegant red hair that reached just below her shoulders, her beautiful golden eyes that seemed to long for a lost love, and her grace. She walked as if the planet itself moved for her. Her beauty was shown often, especially when nearly every King and Prince fought for her hand in marriage, should it be for the land that she had, her wealth, or just to be with her beauty itself. She didn't even know, and she didn't want to know. She sat down in her seat, her silvery-blue colored dress folded neatly under her, allowing her to sit as she pleased. It came up to just over her chest, and just below the neckline, and was cut off at the sleeves. She smiled at her subjects as the doors behind her closed.

Up on stage, the Narrator came out from behind the curtains and the drums began to slowly fade out, allowing the man begin to talk. His rugged black hair shifted as he stood upright and began to bow. "To my Queen," he bowed low, then snapped back, taking another one, "and all that decided to attend tonight performance: Welcome." His voice was louder than normal, but only due to the medallion that hung around his neck. It was small enough to not interfere with the costumes, but still large enough to be seen. It had a projection enchantment placed upon it, allowing the wearers to project their voice to greater distances than a normal human is capable. Everyone in the play had one, to make sure that they were each heard correctly. "I welcome you all here tonight to witness the first time this play is to be shown to this Kingdom. I give you this year's rendition of, Spiraled Wings: Flight of Fire!" The crowd roared in cheers and applause as the curtains were pulled back to begin the play.

The Queen sat calmly as the play unfolded before her. There were two people: a woman and a man, each of them with the same thoughts as the other, the wanting to leave their caste in society and make a life of their own. Neither had seen each other before, yet they walked the same streets of the city, buying nearly the same items and spoke in the same manner. It was odd, to Nashera, that a noble and a commoner would speak the same as each other, but it was a play, so she had to let it be. Act one was over, the man from the street had eventually spoke to the woman, but made a rather rude comment about her father, causing her to anger quickly. She had her fiancé follow the man to his home, in hopes to teaching him 'manners' when addressing a noble.

Act two came and passed just as fast as the first. The fiancé had come up with a plan to humiliate the man in public, but due to a twist of fate, made himself the end of his own plan. He was humiliated in front of more than half of the city, forcing him to leave the city for more than ten years. The third Act blended in well with the second, Nashera barely distinguished the transition. It was now exactly ten years after the fiancé left, that he came back, hearing how the man had not only killed his bride-to-be, but severely injured his father. Enraged, he led him away from the city to an abandoned castle on the outskirts of the city, where they began a battle that led them from the footsteps to the throne room. In a final clash, the two men killed each other, ending their feud. However, the castle outside the city had a bit of history to it, and due to the death of the two men, it began to fade into the night, and when daylight came, there was not a single trace of evidence of the castle, or the two men. It was as if they simply... vanished.

After the play ended, the crowd stood on their feet and applauded with everything they had. Even their Queen was on her feet, though she wasn't clapping as hard as everyone else, she did care about not causing her hands to sting afterwards. The cast made one final bow on stage, and the curtains closed on them. Nashera took this time to head back to the throne room, in case she had business to attend to. She made her way through the etherial looking halls of the castle, the colors to gold, blue and green each blended so well, it was almost as if no creature, elf, human or otherwise had tried to design it. It was something newcomers to the castle would be in awe of, but otherwise, it was just... there.

She entered the throne room, only to have her sight thrown askew at the sight of the man waiting for her majesty's appearance. He was a man of the court, given, but his manner of speech and thinking habits were... questionable. He was a clean shaven man, near his mid-thirties, and wore a white coat that encased his entire body. It was supposed to be white, but it was often dirty due to his work. And his name was known throughout the kingdom, if only for being a mad man of sorts. Kiyle...

Oh dear... please don't tell me he has a new invention or discovery to make... Nashera took her place on her throne, crossing her legs over the other as she sat forward and sighed, motioning for Kiyle to bring up whatever it was that he needed to say. He smiled and moved in front of the Queen and began.

"My Queen, I have something to show you!" He began to dig into one of the pockets at his side and pulled out a small, grey box with silver lines all over it. Nashera sat back as she seen it. Anything that comes from his pockets aren't to be trusted, in the least. "This is something that is blow your mind away! Well... not literally, of course, because I have taken all the bugs out of this one, I promise you!" He held it up and pressed a button that only he could see from his angle.

A bright blue light flew from the small box and an image appeared over them. At first, it was a small, translucent ball with a faint color of green. But as it floated there, for mere moments, it began to shape into something more. First, the small bumps on its back began to take shape. From small to long, sharp spikes that erupted from the back of the ball. It began to stretch longer, four other appendages beginning to take shape from it also. Claws, a tail, and a neck now showed in great detail. Nashera was taken back by the emmense creature that floated above them, staring down at her. In a flash, the leaped as if standing on ground and sprouted wings, only to come crashing toward the Queen. The guards moved forward to protect her, but as it went in for the attack, the creature went straight through them, and flew back and around the room. Kiyle pushed the button again, and the light faded, the creature now gone. He smiled, but the Queen wasn't as happy.

"And just what do you think you are doing?! What is that thing?!" She barked out as the guards moved back to their station. She stood up and pointed at him, losing her cool. "Answer me!"

Kiyle jumped back at her words, though, he should have seen her temper coming around. "It is merely an illusion! It will not harm you!"

"I know it won't hurt me now, but what makes you think that something like that is safe! What if it could? How would you take responsibility to know that you killed your Queen, even if it was by accident?!" Nashera spat at him. He needed to learn some manners and tell her what it is that the inventions do, rather than just use them and scare the life from her.

"I truly am sorry, my Queen, but this--" Kiyle was cut off by one of the royal guards as he came into the throne room, his breathing was intense. He took a deep breath and exhaled.

"My Queen! I bring grave news to the throne!" Nashera moved forward a bit as Kiyle moved out of the guards way. He nodded and continued. "The attack on Vendral's castle has failed! Our scouts found all dead but one soldier."

Nashera's eyes opened wide. No... that means... but... Her eyes began to well up with tears as the guard continued.

"It is your son, Acel. He is in a stable condition, and he is awake, awaiting your majesty's attendance. He says he has urgent news for you." The guard stood his body now bowing. "I take my leave of you." He turned and left. Nashera took no hesitation on hurrying toward the infirmary.



Nashera entered the room, swinging the doors wide, her wait was for no one. She asked the attendant where her son was, and she guided her majesty to him. They moved past a few rows of beds, when they came to a bed that had two other attendants by the sides of the bed. Resting on the sheets was Acel, half of his armor already taken away to be repaired. She knelt beside him and smiled softly.

"It is good to see that you are still alive... now... what is it that you need to speak to me about?" Nashera didn't want to talk to him for too long, in hopes of letting him rest and heal.

"The battle... is was as if it were planned to happen... Kare was taken by one of Vendral's Druids... he alone decimated our forces... I am sorry..." Acel's voice broke in and out, his body still aching from the battle. Nashera gripped his hand softly and stood up, leaving. Acel slowly closed his eyes and began to drift to sleep as the healers began to go to work.

Nashera moved down the hall, back to the throne room when her commanding officer of the royal forces came to her, bowing slightly, and moving slightly behind her.

"Terre..." she began. "I want you to find the best people you can round up: Mages, Fighters, I don't care. I want them rounded up as soon as possible. But bring me only the best. Understand?" Terre bowed once more and left her side, doing to do as he was commanded. I will get myself together, and round another attack. But this time... I will be more discreet about it. No more games! I will end this now!



[I am sooooo sorry I didn't post this earlier. I feel sad now, but happy to get this up. ^^;]

quite nice i hope you make more

Awsome, but might I suggest quoting it, I find it easier to read and follow.