Wow. You say that like it\'s an inanimate object.

Recently it has been proven by mathematicians in Estonia, that every cat has three tails:

1. No cat has two tails
2. One cat has one more tail than no cat

From 1) and 2) we can conclude that a cat has 3 (2+1) tails, just take a closer look!

However, physicists in Manchester have since proven that cats have no number of tails, not even zero or infinity. The so-called \'Paradox of the Cat\' goes something like this:

Cats have n tails because no cat has (n-1) tails and one cat has one tail more than no cats.

However, cats MUST have (n-1) tails because no cat has (n-2) tails and one cat has one tail more than no cats. So no cat DOESN\'T have (n-1) tails. This invalidates the first proof and means that no cat can have n tails.

Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio, replied:


\"You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there are two cats. The second one has a tail in Los Angeles and her head can meow in New York.\"

This system was in use until the early 1980\'s but the increasing usage of the motor car resulted in frequent service interruption due to too high a level of road kill. Since then cats have been kept in tunnels.

Note* In world war 2 used the Axis lions instead of cats in africa (due to a cat shortage) to communicate with the new secret lion codes. Unfortunalty this type of new equipment where responsible for the result of lots of dead german troopers, and very fat lions.

[Edited on 1/22/2006 by Mega X.exe]

[Edited on 1/22/2006 by Mega X.exe]

They are being trolls. Please ignore them, the more attention you give them the more they blab on and on and try to rile you up.

t has been widely proven that cats always land on their feet when they fall. Another widely proven theory is that buttered toast always falls buttered side down. So strapping a piece of buttered toast facing up on the back of a healthy cat and releasing at a height will cause the contraption to perpetually spin along the body axis of the cat. The Cat-Toast Device, which powers Uncyclopedia, operates on this principle.

Various alternate hypothesis, suggesting that the cat will still fall on its feett and then roll over, exists. But no one has ever proven such ridiculous theories yet.

Another posibility, strictly after Murphy\'s Law, is, if you let a cat fall, with buttered toast strapped to its back, over a highly expensive carpet, it will land on its feet, destroy the carpet in anger and then roll over in order to get rid of the toast, ruining the carpet beyond all reason.

Also, anyone who needs to get something good out of the only perpetual motion known to man should insert a rod carefully in between the toast and the cat. You may need to add some counter weight on the toast side to compensate for the heavier weight of the cat to prevent wobble.

Rumour has it that a very popular american sex toy company is developing a vibrator using a genitically modified micro cat and bite sized bits of buttered toast. Though technically possible, the variation in speed that is a commonly available feature in vibrators is quite difficult to achive in the buttered toast cat vibrator. But one reliable source close to the company revealed in the first quarter of 2005 that the angular velocity is adjustable by the amount of butter on the toast. Though the \"amount of butter\" principle is well known among the scientific community, it is widely accepted fact that it is not a practical approach due to the instability of the system. Also adjustments to the butter volume while the contraption is spinning is quite impossible. The toy company is expected to apply for a patent on this process very soon. This has given rise to the phrase, \"There\'s more than one way to skin a cat.\"

ASPCA recommends anyone attempting such experiment to tie blinds around the cat\'s eyes as the constant spinning will make the cat unstable and deadly.




To Determine the Motion of a Cat with a Slice of Buttered Toast Strapped to its Back: Let F_c be the attractive forces of each of the cat\'s feet to the carpeting (not shown), and let F_bt be the net rotational torque imposed by the carpeting upon the buttered side of the toast. By the 42nd proposition of Murphy\'s Laws, the system will begin to rotate in a counterclockwise fashion, causing the cat (C) to experience a large measure of confusion. The partially-melted butter (B), which is adhered to the toast (T) by comparatively weak Van der Waals forces, is overwhelmed by the large centrifugal fictional force, causing it to splatter all over the place (P). The spinning cat and toast (C+T), having thus divested itself of surplus butter, will then experience tidal drag within the Earth\'s gravitational field until such time as rotational equilibrium is restored.

No, I\'m not being a troll. If I was being a troll, I would have said \"No cats are pathetic, they are stupid, murder-machines and you should hate them too, and quite frankly, I can\'t see why you can, they are stupid and so are you\". But I didn\'t.

This is a cat topic, so I posted a funny, yet obviously fake picture of a cat being swung. I then stated that I prefer dogs, and then joked about setting fire to them with a blowtorch. I mean, as if I meant that!

ForteXX merely said that he hated cats, and with a passion, it seems. Did he actually direct this at you? Did he try to say it in a way which would make people argue? Not intentionally, no.

Also, may I remind you that in the first post, you said:

If you are going to be at our thrats for stating an oppinion you don\'t aggree with, you should have said something more like:



On another note, though; MegaX, where did they come from. Surely they can\'t be real? >.> I know for a fact the toast-landing-butter-side-down isn\'t always true. The butter probably makes it slightly heavier then the other side, making it flip before landing. The cat bart is probably involuntary movements making them turn just before hitting the ground (thanks to millions of years of elvolutionary perfecting), so I guess there is some truth to them.

Where did the experements themselves come from, though?

Look 777, We have our opinions on this and I respect that you love cats I personally dislike them, but either way it\'s my opinion so don\'t flame at us just because we have our opinions.

The definition of a troll is to, for instance, come to a Megaman board and state their dislike of Megaman.

When you come to a board or thread, and repeatedly state your negative and opposite opinion of the board or thread, then you are infact trolling. A simple \"I don\'t like cats\" in one post is not trolling.

Ok guys, lets just get on topic... Anyways, isn\'t this just the cutest cat ever?



Anyways, I love cats. They roxerz my panzerz.

Awwww, it\'s sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo cute!

I second that. It\'s completely adorable!

Samsara; I don\'t know, but are you really taking most of that seriously?

Cats, as pretending to be the king of nature (or at least your living room) are very dominant anti-social creatures and can\'t stand to have any other pets around. Any new pet that is introduced in the house is greeted with a so called \"just you wait and see what I will do with you\" smile as can be clearly seen in the illustration. In this particular case the Cat has a very cunning plot to let the snake eat her, after which the cat\'s owners, who invested years and big $$ to get the slightest bit of love from the cat, gut the snake alive. Of course, the cat survives. She doesn\'t even have to use one of her nine lives.




just you wait and see what i will do with you

Hahah, The first cat isn\'t as cute as mine, and the second cat has a death wish.

I couldn\'t live without cats, they make awesome pillows!

Contrary to popular belief, cats can in fact use the Internet. They actually have their own Caternet. Any human who discovers the access codes is not immediately killed, but crippled and played with for a while, then partially eaten. We know this because one of the victims was wearing a webcam.

There sooooo cute!

The nine lives of a cat are stages that every cat must pass through in their hopefully short-lived adventures on Earth:

1. Catamaran - The common cat is brought into the world by Ellen McArthur on a boat.
2. Caterpillar - In its early years, the cat must spend its time as an irritating insect with too many legs.
3. Catalyst - If your cat has not been neutered, it will spread its love amongst many other felines.
4. Cat Stevens - After producing offspring, your cat will not be allowed within US borders.
5. Catterick - On its 89th birthday, it is compulsory for a cat to serve time in the military in North England.
6. Catering van - After military service, your cat will run a burger van on the side of the M5 or A469 producing disgustingly unhygienic fried cow shit for white van men and tourists. The van will be named something along the lines of \'Fluffy\'s Burger Heaven\'
7. Catatonic - A cat will spend this life sleeping but also excreting a liquid take goes good with gin
8. (s)Catman - Scatbedooblewooblewibbleydoobles.
9. Tom cat- at the age of 200 the cat (later on known as The King) will rule the world, starting from Hollywood. The King will unite with a star and thus take over! ALL HAIL CATS!

Funny Kitty Cats

Aww. watch the kitties...

That was awesome!! Thats another thing I like about cats thier funny and spazzy.

The scientific theory that cats are the cause of most geological and astronomical changes is called Catastrophism.




Every year millions of dollars of damage is done when cats sit on cars or shit on them.

[Edited on 1/25/2006 by Mega X.exe]

And this, my friends, prove once again that cats...

1. Do not always land on their feet, or at least not softly.

2. Do have big brains, but it is just to cramped into their little skulls.

3. Want to kill all humans through an overdose of laughter.

[quote]Originally posted by Mega X.exe
The scientific theory that cats are the cause of most geological and astronomical changes is called Catastrophism.




Every year millions of dollars of damage is done when cats sit on cars or shit on them.

[Edited on 1/25/2006 by Mega X.exe] [/quote]

I knew letting Catzilla out of his cage wouldn\'t be that great an idea...

It\'s so cute! I think I\'ll fry it up an\' eat it!

Cats and Can-Openers

Many very foolish people like to claim that if cats had opposable thumbs and could invent can-openers, they would replace humans as the dominant species on Earth. This is very silly. Cats do not need opposable thumbs and do not need to invent can-openers. Instead they have domesticated a semi-intelligent species, with opposable thumbs.

Cans and Cat-openers

Opening your cat is ill-advised. They are filled with mouth-watering candy and gold bricks, both of which are extremely tempting, and therefore dangerous. The gold bricks inside your cat could buy you all the happiness in the world, and only by suffering do we become one with our Saviour, Teddy Ruxpin. Again, please do not ever cut Fluffy open, even though his liver can be distilled into the Philosopher\'s Stone, source of eternal life and cure for all ailments. Please do not listen to your cans of Bumblebee Tuna when they command you to open your cat. It is only your Uncle Jesse throwing his voice, we swear.

Cats and Spaceships

Cats played an integral (and hitherto unmentioned) part in the development of teleportation systems on spaceships.

It was by observing the way in which cats can teleport right under people\'s feet, or from wherever they happen to be to where their food is that scientists worked out the biological aspects of teleportation.



CATS are also be villainous rogue responsible for set up us the bomb. He were villain behind war begin in A.D. 2101. After proclaiming. \"ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US,\" he were temporarily rule galaxy, HA HA HA. A taken off Zig fighter were moved to put CATS on road to destruction for great justice. By A.D. 2111, all bases of CATS were complete destroyed. In A.D. 2112, Zig-01 fought again against CATS and CATS was having no chance to survive make its time. Zig-01 was successfully bringing down CATS for all tomorrow and CATS never was more had any belong base to him. However, destroy marks by CATS ruling galaxy with great unjustices are remain still today throughout all of galaxy mankind are be know about.

I like to... EAT KITTENS!!