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HJ
Robot Master
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This looks like a good place to ask this.. *although everyone here probably heard stories like this already...*


My friend from grade 11 (whose name I'll not mention) has been secretly in love with a close friend for a long time (whose name I'll also not mention) and she told me recently. She's pretty serious about it, since every time when he is not there, she would be very anxious and sad.

But it seems that he already likes someone else. She knew it but she still loves him.

She is planning to write him a letter and tell him everything, but she is worried that it would ruin their friendship if he rejects her affection...


.. Should she tell him or not? Or maybe there is another way..

(desperately hoping the person in question don't come to this MB... ^ ^')

EDIT: Now she WANTS me to ask...

[Edited on 11/15/2002 by HJ]

ProtoMan.exe
Ex-Soldier
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90 posts
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The girl I love does talk to me and I'm not too young.

[Edited on 14-11-2002 by ProtoMan.exe]


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Bloodforte.exe
Lone NetNavi
Inactive
307 posts
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Is anyone going to reply to my cry for help?:conf:Anyone?

ProtoMan.exe
Ex-Soldier
Inactive
90 posts
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Try this....Ask her out if she likes you too.


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Bloodforte.exe
Lone NetNavi
Inactive
307 posts
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Makes me nervos...:(Plus i'm only in 6th grade and have only 1 more dance!!!All this talking makes me hungry.:miam:reply

[Edited on 14-11-2002 by Loto]

Rokkuman
Megaman Master
Inactive
44 posts
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Damn, this is going to be embarassing:)

OKay, heres the scoop. I just started 6th grade, and theres this girl I sit next to in Science class, and I like her. but the thing is,I dont think she likes me because she hates my best friend who was once her boyfriend. I really like her, but I dont think she likes me. I dont want to leave out my friend, because he'smy best friend. any ideas?

ProtoMan.exe
Ex-Soldier
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Try and talk to her and see whats going on with your friend then talk to your friendout what to do.


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Doctacosa
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kujacker
After saying that, allow me to pose this question to you all: Do you think it is okay for a lady to romantically pursue a guy? (To broaden this a bit, here are some things to think about: Has this situation ever happened to you? If you are male, would you prefer if a girl were to ask you out; for females, would you go after a male and tell him how you feel about him?)


I thought I would try to get this topic back to it's original idea...

In my opinion, it is fine for a girl to go after someone she likes. I mean, why not? If a guy can let a girl to know how he feels, I believe the opposite can be done too. When it comes to asking out, though, that's a whole different story... There are still some strong "socity standards" about that. Wouldn't that be just a little strange? Not that it's bad, mind you.

[Edited on 16-11-2002 by Dr. Cossack]


The admin formerly known as Dr. Cossack.

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Sea Monkey
Superstar!
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<<<Still likes chocolate women. YUM!;D


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ProtoStar
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I thank everyone for helping me, but I think I need advice from an actual girl on this board.:)


*Damashki stares at you evily. He keeps looking at you, the link below, and back to you*
Graaaagh...

Rokkuman
Megaman Master
Inactive
44 posts
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heh, that might help. Id rather get information about a girl from a girl, not a guy :D

Bloodforte.exe
Lone NetNavi
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307 posts
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Yeah it would be helpful if you got info from a female.Try kuajacker Imean she started this thread.:PAnyone can reply to
this.

[Edited on 15-11-2002 by Loto]

HollowTorment
Interordi's Lovable Jerk
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Quote:
Originally posted by HJ
.. Should she tell him or not? Or maybe there is another way..

(desperately hoping the person in question don't come to this MB... ^ ^')

EDIT: Now she WANTS me to ask...


If it was me, I'd decide if I wanted the friendship for as long as it'll last, or if I want to -possibly- ruin the friendship with throwing love into the quotient. Myself...even if it was my best friend ever, I'd still let them know that I care about them alot. Not just jump out there and say I love you.

I value my friends more than love though.. Love can ruin friendships, but you can also love your friends and not have it be..true love. Or whatever they call that. o.o I think I'm rambling..

As for the shy boys here..just get an ounce of courage and ask, or else the girl will be with someone else and it'll hurt, blah blah. Besides, if you're in the friggin sixth grade and get turned down, what's the big deal? There's so many other girls out there, so many other chances to find another.

And finally, about the girls asking guys out stuff. I find that odd myself..I mean, I'd tell the person that I like them or some sort, but I'd never ask them out. I guess it's suppose I always put myself second to others, they have to initiate conversation, make the decisions.. I'm not saying it's wrong for girls to ask guys out though..if they want to, they can. I suppose some girls have to ask the shy ones out eh?

All in all, love isn't for the weak. It's a fuckin rollercoaster ride. And then there's always the lovely rejection.


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PUNK
Hunter
Inactive
342 posts
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I wish I had concrete strategy plans to get me out of my depression caused by 11 years of no close feminine companionship. :(

rinoman
Maestro
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802 posts
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Look, if you want a girl to like you/ask you out then you have to make them like you by doing nice things, talking and other stuff she'll like, so that you don't ask her out but she asks you out if your too scared to ask her out. Get envoled with girls(flurt), become friends and find out about them.


- Rinoman

PUNK
Hunter
Inactive
342 posts
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Quote:
Originally posted by rinoman
Advice for stopping shyness:
Drink a shot of vodka, then you'll say something crazy like you fancy her.
I'm in a crazy position right now.

Alcohol indeed helps breaking barriers. Too bad you're going back to your old shy dork status next day. Good enough for a one-night-stand I guess...

Quote:
Originally posted by rinoman
Look, if you want a girl to like you/ask you out then you have to make them like you by doing nice things, talking and other stuff she'll like, so that you don't ask her out but she asks you out if your too scared to ask her out. Get envoled with girls(flurt), become friends and find out about them.

Now let's start with the "Looking for them at some good places" and "Eliminating your shyness once and for all without alcohol" parts, shall we?

Manchester Devil
Devil Knight
Inactive
316 posts
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I don't take much notice of girls in a romantic sense unless I fell in love with one.

I guess I'm a confusing enigma to people. I don't tell anyone who I fall in love with, I don't see why it should affect them, apart from myself and the girl I'm in love with.


--Mad rant warning--


I practically hate it when people start asking me questions about my love towards her, why should they even care!

Please excuse me for the last paragraph, I'm not for telling people about my emotions and feelings. I feel that my feelings were being made public and that pisses me off. :madgo:

Please excuse the other paragraph as well.

Rokkuman
Megaman Master
Inactive
44 posts
Quote

Quote:
Originally posted by Manchester Devil
I don't take much notice of girls in a romantic sense unless I fell in love with one.

I guess I'm a confusing enigma to people. I don't tell anyone who I fall in love with, I don't see why it should affect them, apart from myself and the girl I'm in love with.


--Mad rant warning--


I practically hate it when people start asking me questions about my love towards her, why should they even care!

Please excuse me for the last paragraph, I'm not for telling people about my emotions and feelings. I feel that my feelings were being made public and that pisses me off. :madgo:

Please excuse the other paragraph as well.
yeah it sucks when you tell one person, or one person finds out, and like the next day everyone is saying " You like ---? and then everyone is laughing at you, and you cant get the girl to like you because they heard it from someone else and think your a coward for not saying it yourself.

rinoman
Maestro
Inactive
802 posts
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True, its none of anybodys business who you fancy. Its like that everywhere your friends get nosey. I don't need booze, i'm not really that shy.


- Rinoman

Bloodforte.exe
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307 posts
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The girl that I was talking about earler, my friend told her 9 times that I like her! And he also screamed at recess who he liked and the girl he liked was right next to him!!!! Oh yes, and this person is Fred the Met!!!:eek:


Wee. x.o Uhh. . . [Insert smart idea for isgnature here] And uhh. . . A quote from my hero, The Punisher. :D

"If You Want Peace,
Prepare for war."
-Frank Castle

rinoman
Maestro
Inactive
802 posts
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You know Fred the met in person!? Never knew that...
What did the girl you like say after?


- Rinoman

Kujacker
First Mate
Inactive
181 posts
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Quote:
Originally posted by Loto
Yeah it would be helpful if you got info from a female.Try kuajacker Imean she started this thread.:PAnyone can reply to
this.


*winces* I really should have known that was coming… :P To be honest, I’m not sure if I am qualified to give much advice in this area—I don’t mind giving general life guidance to others because my advice is oftentimes based upon my own observations and personal experiences. But on the subject of love, I think my own knowledge in romance will probably differ from most of your own, so I most likely wouldn’t be able to help some of you. However, I can tell you what I most probably would do if I were faced with these situations (I hope that’s acceptable). But please, keep in mind that I cannot tell you how the other person would react to your actions. After all, people can respond differently to any given situation…

Now, quite a few of you have mentioned that you are afraid to tell that special person how you feel, so perhaps my pathetic story about my first crush will make some of you feel better. I wanted to tell this tale in the original “Love Help” thread before it closed down, but I guess I will share it with you all here (Sorry for it’s length, but if you don’t care to read, then skip the yellow-colored font):

When I was in 9th grade, I experienced my first crush (He was in 12th grade and played in my honors band class). Since I never been “in love” before, I didn’t know how to think or how to behave at all, especially when I was around him. I wound up telling 4 of my friends, who told a few people and they told a few others, and… well, this bit of news traveled throughout my school pretty quickly—my feelings for him were published twice in the school newspaper and it was one topic of gossip in all of the band classes. This was a bit awkward for me, but I couldn’t blame anyone for this—it wasn’t as if I was subtle about my feelings (I bought him gifts, and I drew pictures and placed them in his locker among other things that I kinda don’t want to mention in fear that you all will brand me as a stalker).

In the beginning, I was just happy to see him, and, because he made me so happy, I’d do what I could to help him and try to make him content (at least that’s what I believed at the time). But later on, I realized that some of my actions might have caused him some humiliation and shame. And though he said nothing, I also realized that he might have been a bit annoyed with me as well (even if he did keep my gifts).

I’ll admit, I was terrified to tell the guy how I felt about him, even though he already knew, thanks to my former big-mouthed friends who helped spread the information throughout my high school! To be honest, I didn’t even know what type of relationship I wanted with him—I knew I liked him, but I didn’t know what he actually could do for me. My friends at the time were always trying to push me into telling him how I felt, which was in a sense pretty ironic considering that they were in the same boat that I was in and never told their special person how they felt.

Anyhow, when I had time to think about my situation clearly, I was very upset because I realized that it couldn’t work—I cried and didn’t bother to eat anything for a few days. After thinking a bit more, I figured that it was best to get over this particular guy—it was obvious that he wouldn’t have my interest at heart. But, I wasn’t really sure what would help me to lose interest in him. So I figured I should probably keep my distance from him for a while and focus on myself. Having time away from him did help (this action really helped put things into perspective), but I wasn’t 100% over him. I felt that it might be a good idea to talk to him and ask if we could at least be friends, especially since it was his last year at my school. I decided to write this person a nice, lengthy letter explaining all of my actions toward him, my feelings about everything that took place, and what I wanted from him. Upon finishing the letter, I didn’t want to give it to him, but I knew that if I wanted answers and closure, then I had to go though with it. I gave him the letter the very next time I saw him, and the next day, he and I had a very nice talk about what I wrote. We never became good friends or anything, but at least I was able to cleared the air and eventually get over him…

Now that I look back on this, I’m not really sure why I liked him-- I think the only good traits he had going for him was that he was in fact nice, helpful, and I thought he was cute (most other people didn’t), but other than that, there’s nothing—heck, he had very bad hygiene! Though my first experience with love wasn’t the best, I am glad that it happened—if that whole ordeal never took place, then I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to learn from it. Thinking of him now, I guess that saying is true: Love is really blind at times… Ah, well.



I hope some of you have picked up on some things from this story, namely:

Get to know the person that you are interested in—I’m not sure what your particular cases are like, but it’s always good to be aware of a situation that you are placing yourself into. Not only that, it will give the other person a chance to get to know you for who you are. If that person cannot appreciate you, then ask yourself: Is it really worth your time to chase after them? This bit of advice can save folks from wasting time thinking about someone that they may be very incompatible with.

If you are interested in someone, you should be the one to tell that person first. Do not let other people do your work in this area. They will not be able to express your feelings better than you, and to some people, it makes you look bad when you have others doing your dirty work. And having your feelings broadcasted to everyone puts both you and that person on the spot—normally, it’s best to be discreet when dealing with the other person. If you feel it is a good idea to tell that special someone how you feel but are afraid to do so in person, why not write a note and give it to them yourself? And I don’t mean one of those “Do you like me: Check ‘Yes’ or ‘No’” type notes that some of us may remember back from the days of elementary/grammar school. Something that tells how you feel, that comes directly from your heart would be ideal.

As for shyness, the moment you realize that being timid is a part of fear, which tends to hold people back from the things that they desire in life, is the moment you can begin to make a change for the better. Figure out what is the best course of action by analyzing the situation as thoroughly as you can and do your best to think about the positives and the negatives for the situation. Doing so will help in evaluating if this particular person is worth pursuing. If you think it is best to pursue, then by all means, do so, but if you think going after this person would be nothing more than a waste of your time, then find a way to let go.
To some degrees, I am still a shy, introverted person to this day, but I refuse to allow it to take control of my life. I do my best to apply this idea of “fear will prevent me from getting what I want” to all new situations that I may encounter, and most of the time, this concept seems to work for me. For those of you who think of yourself as a "shy person," perhaps this idea may work for you as well.

Some of you seem kinda young, but I cannot decide if you are ready for love or not (this is something that you need to decide upon for yourself). My thing is always this: You will never know unless you try—if you make that attempt, there is a chance that you may get what you want, just as there is a chance that things may not work out at all. I suffered tons of embarrassment when I was in school, but I survived it all. Just remember: Things eventually do work out in the end. :cool:


*I really hope this helps somebody!


C'mon people... feel the love! Image

Bloodforte.exe
Lone NetNavi
Inactive
307 posts
Quote

I don't know what she said, I ran away of embarresment. Heh Heh. She just looked at me...


Wee. x.o Uhh. . . [Insert smart idea for isgnature here] And uhh. . . A quote from my hero, The Punisher. :D

"If You Want Peace,
Prepare for war."
-Frank Castle

Manchester Devil
Devil Knight
Inactive
316 posts
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Loto, that wasn't a good idea.

*Back to the task at hand*
Sometimes, I feel nervous about telling a girl my feelings towards her.

ProtoMan.exe
Ex-Soldier
Inactive
90 posts
Quote

I got my girl back!!!

Thanks for all your help(even if I didn't get much advise).


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PUNK
Hunter
Inactive
342 posts
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Quote:
Originally posted by Kujacker
As for shyness, the moment you realize that being timid is a part of fear, which tends to hold people back from the things that they desire in life, is the moment you can begin to make a change for the better. Figure out what is the best course of action by analyzing the situation as thoroughly as you can and do your best to think about the positives and the negatives for the situation. Doing so will help in evaluating if this particular person is worth pursuing. If you think it is best to pursue, then by all means, do so, but if you think going after this person would be nothing more than a waste of your time, then find a way to let go.
To some degrees, I am still a shy, introverted person to this day, but I refuse to allow it to take control of my life. I do my best to apply this idea of “fear will prevent me from getting what I want” to all new situations that I may encounter, and most of the time, this concept seems to work for me. For those of you who think of yourself as a "shy person," perhaps this idea may work for you as well.

I'm afraid I'll have to become able to follow and understand talks (preferring every said word) and respond smartly enough to it within three or so counts first before I dare to proceed further in building up a great companionship. Right now it takes forever for me to respond to pieces of talk I like. So talking with others (In real life or chat rooms) goes very problematic most of the time. *Sigh*

Sound pretty much like a disease I have to get rid of first, heh?

Damn! Thinking about such bad experiences makes me even more depressed (Reaching suicide level). :(

Phatman Dover
[REDACTED]
Inactive
737 posts
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Don't use the razor................use the Knife, it's better..............

;D

I love doing that to people......................

what do you order when you don't drink at a bar? Just curious for the future of my dating repritoire...........


Reality swirled in a wholly blue manner, revealing absolutely nothing of merit. Things flashed madly in and out of existence like some entirely other sort of phenomena. On a whim, Kurt Vonnegut imploded, taking a sizeable hunk of Massachusetts with him. However, seeing as Massachusetts wasn't entirely sure it existed, the chunk wasn't all that big.

HollowTorment
Interordi's Lovable Jerk
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I hope you get real depressed one day Dover, and want to do the aforementioned. Then I want someone to say that to you, see how you feel.

Suicide is never a joke, don't make it one.


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rinoman
Maestro
Inactive
802 posts
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A great piece of advice there Kujacker, it'll help alot of people here. Killing yourself is a stupid thing, think about it first, why are you going to kill yourself for? Is it worth it?


- Rinoman

Phatman Dover
[REDACTED]
Inactive
737 posts
Quote

Quote:
Originally posted by HollowTorment
I hope you get real depressed one day Dover, and want to do the aforementioned. Then I want someone to say that to you, see how you feel.

Suicide is never a joke, don't make it one.



Too late, Hollow......tried maybe......oh, I dunno......5 times, and I couldn't do it. It was just too hard. THAT'S the reason why I think suicide is a joke.......It's happened to me already.......and I play off of everything as a joke, can't you see that?


Reality swirled in a wholly blue manner, revealing absolutely nothing of merit. Things flashed madly in and out of existence like some entirely other sort of phenomena. On a whim, Kurt Vonnegut imploded, taking a sizeable hunk of Massachusetts with him. However, seeing as Massachusetts wasn't entirely sure it existed, the chunk wasn't all that big.