Originally posted by Loto
Yeah it would be helpful if you got info from a female.Try kuajacker Imean she started this thread.:PAnyone can reply to
*winces* I really
should have known that was coming…
To be honest, I’m not sure if I am qualified to give much advice in this area—I don’t mind giving general life guidance to others because my advice is oftentimes based upon my own observations and personal experiences. But on the subject of love, I think my own knowledge in romance will probably differ from most of your own, so I most likely wouldn’t be able to help some of you. However, I can tell you what I most probably would do if I were faced with these situations (I hope that’s acceptable). But please, keep in mind that I cannot tell you how the other person would react to your actions. After all, people can respond differently to any given situation…
Now, quite a few of you have mentioned that you are afraid to tell that special person how you feel, so perhaps my pathetic story about my first crush will make some of you feel better. I wanted to tell this tale in the original “Love Help” thread before it closed down, but I guess I will share it with you all here (Sorry for it’s length, but if you don’t care to read, then skip the yellow-colored font):
When I was in 9th grade, I experienced my first crush (He was in 12th grade and played in my honors band class). Since I never been “in love” before, I didn’t know how to think or how to behave at all, especially when I was around him. I wound up telling 4 of my friends, who told a few people and they told a few others, and… well, this bit of news traveled throughout my school pretty quickly—my feelings for him were published twice in the school newspaper and it was one topic of gossip in all of the band classes. This was a bit awkward for me, but I couldn’t blame anyone for this—it wasn’t as if I was subtle about my feelings (I bought him gifts, and I drew pictures and placed them in his locker among other things that I kinda don’t want to mention in fear that you all will brand me as a stalker).
In the beginning, I was just happy to see him, and, because he made me so happy, I’d do what I could to help him and try to make him content (at least that’s what I believed at the time). But later on, I realized that some of my actions might have caused him some humiliation and shame. And though he said nothing, I also realized that he might have been a bit annoyed with me as well (even if he did keep my gifts).
I’ll admit, I was terrified to tell the guy how I felt about him, even though he already knew, thanks to my former big-mouthed friends who helped spread the information throughout my high school! To be honest, I didn’t even know what type of relationship I wanted with him—I knew I liked him, but I didn’t know what he actually could do for me. My friends at the time were always trying to push me into telling him how I felt, which was in a sense pretty ironic considering that they were in the same boat that I was in and never told their special person how they felt.
Anyhow, when I had time to think about my situation clearly, I was very upset because I realized that it couldn’t work—I cried and didn’t bother to eat anything for a few days. After thinking a bit more, I figured that it was best to get over this particular guy—it was obvious that he wouldn’t have my interest at heart. But, I wasn’t really sure what would help me to lose interest in him. So I figured I should probably keep my distance from him for a while and focus on myself. Having time away from him did help (this action really helped put things into perspective), but I wasn’t 100% over him. I felt that it might be a good idea to talk to him and ask if we could at least be friends, especially since it was his last year at my school. I decided to write this person a nice, lengthy letter explaining all of my actions toward him, my feelings about everything that took place, and what I wanted from him. Upon finishing the letter, I didn’t want to give it to him, but I knew that if I wanted answers and closure, then I had to go though with it. I gave him the letter the very next time I saw him, and the next day, he and I had a very nice talk about what I wrote. We never became good friends or anything, but at least I was able to cleared the air and eventually get over him…
Now that I look back on this, I’m not really sure why I liked him-- I think the only good traits he had going for him was that he was in fact nice, helpful, and I thought he was cute (most other people didn’t), but other than that, there’s nothing—heck, he had very bad hygiene! Though my first experience with love wasn’t the best, I am glad that it happened—if that whole ordeal never took place, then I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to learn from it. Thinking of him now, I guess that saying is true: Love is really blind at times… Ah, well.
I hope some of you have picked up on some things from this story, namely:
Get to know the person that you are interested in
—I’m not sure what your particular cases are like, but it’s always good to be aware of a situation that you are placing yourself into. Not only that, it will give the other person a chance to get to know you for who you are. If that person cannot appreciate you, then ask yourself: Is it really worth your time to chase after them? This bit of advice can save folks from wasting time thinking about someone that they may be very incompatible with.
If you are interested in someone, you should be the one to tell that person first.
Do not let other people do your work in this area. They will not be able to express your feelings better than you, and to some people, it makes you look bad when you have others doing your dirty work. And having your feelings broadcasted to everyone puts both you and that person on the spot—normally, it’s best to be discreet when dealing with the other person. If you feel it is a good idea to tell that special someone how you feel but are afraid to do so in person, why not write a note and give it to them yourself? And I don’t mean one of those “Do you like me: Check ‘Yes’ or ‘No’”
type notes that some of us may remember back from the days of elementary/grammar school. Something that tells how you feel, that comes directly from your heart would be ideal.
As for shyness, the moment you realize that being timid is a part of fear
, which tends to hold people back from the things that they desire in life, is the moment you can begin to make a change for the better.
Figure out what is the best course of action by analyzing the situation as thoroughly as you can and do your best to think about the positives and the negatives for the situation. Doing so will help in evaluating if this particular person is worth pursuing. If you think it is best to pursue, then by all means, do so, but if you think going after this person would be nothing more than a waste of your time, then find a way to let go.
To some degrees, I am still a shy, introverted person to this day, but I refuse to allow it to take control of my life. I do my best to apply this idea of “fear will prevent me from getting what I want” to all new situations that I may encounter, and most of the time, this concept seems to work for me. For those of you who think of yourself as a "shy person," perhaps this idea may work for you as well.
Some of you seem kinda young, but I cannot decide if you are ready for love or not (this is something that you need to decide upon for yourself). My thing is always this: You will never know unless you try
—if you make that attempt, there is a chance that you may get what you want, just as there is a chance that things may not work out at all. I suffered tons of embarrassment when I was in school, but I survived it all. Just remember: Things eventually do work out in the end.
*I really hope this helps somebody!