Let\'s make some fake news headlines. But remember, keep \'em witty.

• Oranges invade Orange County, Abu Hamza is declared Princess.
  
• The militant Al-Bundy Brigade today set fire on Hamas\'s offices. In a press release the group states \"They\'ve torched all danish offices and embassies within the arab world. How dare they rob us of that pleasure? Praise be to Allah.\"
  
• The International Association of Muslims said today that they will not \"chill out,\" \"relax,\" or otherwise \"lighten up.\"
  
• The Winter Olympics begin without a Jamaican bobsled team.
  
• A new evil has arisen from the depths of the earth. Ultra Jesus, ASSEMBLE!!!
  
• Hillary Clinton\'s Bill Clinton was kidnapped from a small wooden box. She is said to be very, very angry about the whole thing, and was heard to say, \"Where\'s my Bill Clinton? Where the hell is my Bill Clinton?\"
  
• Militant Muslim protesters frustrated and bamboozeled by asbestos Danish flags.
  
• At the end of February search engine ASK.COM will be removing their iconic butler Jeeves from their site. A statement published by Jeeves agent claimed \"Jeeves is having gender issues, and feels that he must retire to be able to live out his childhood dream of being a woman.\"
  
• Jesus was arrested this morning, presumably because of suspicion in the case involving the death of his mother. Charges have yet to be filed, but it is believed that they will be within the hour. God announced in a press release that his son is innocent of the crime, and, in fact, has never done anything wrong at all. Background checks have yet to confirm this.
  
• The Khartoum Controversy continues throughout the Middle-East.
  

• Jesus has been arrested for \"enciting racial hate\" as he prepares the world for the apocylipse.
  
• UK to become entirely Islamic state to keep political correctness happy
  
• Abu Hamza confirmed dead after suicide bombing went horribly wrong.
  
• The Pope will be appearing in court tomorrow on rape allegations. He denies all allegations and has called God as his only witness.
  

Godzilla today said that god had nothing to do with his birth.He said we noucked him.IN other news i am spiderman.....oh crap.Anyway god is still on trial for rape.Prosacouters say f you. On the east cost today it is snowing who gives a CRAP! Today super man is on trial for killing bat man.annnnnd i am in my oun world.

George W.Bush declares war on the world suspecting they plan to take his bath toys. He made this statement after the pre-war party. *slurded* \"I feel that the world is after....Mr.Quacker.....he has been with me since yesterday.......I love him......more than my common sence whitch seems to be all over the floor. Maid clean it up!\" You heard it here World War III has begun. Also Bush has ordered all males of the age 13 orabove to be drafted to fight and die for thier country.

:rolleyes: \"dieing\" more fighting.

[Edited on 11/2/06 by Samsara]

Thank you you son of a bi...wher on live? ohhh.on a happyer not luke skywalker is sueing his father he said why did you cut of my hand dad?THIS just in god knows wher you live.RUN BOYS AND GIRLS RUN!Also pres.bush danced with pres.abe.yes dead abe more news in 5 min.

Japan is in ruins by a tooth brash?we go live.(on live)HOLLLY:madgo::madgo::madgo::madgo:BAT MAN! I cant watch!:sick:

Luxembourg declared war to US, and they won, world-peace assured

Half of iceland has no ice

Mantis deadliest animal on earth

Humankind will be gone in 2 years, ants will take over.

Birdflu is nothing more than a cold

Pokemon creaters say BOOM!(THAY BLOW THER SELF UP)marvil said thay shot stan lee.God said tht the pope was a hocker.Hocky is the gratest sport lets go flyers!

- America has adapted \"Marco Polo\" as the nation\'s new national passtime. The name, however, has been changed to \"John Glenn\".

-As the Lego-Capcom lawsuit over Servbots\' appearance in Megaman Legends 3 continues, Capcom proposes the Servbot may now appear to be much more like the lesser known \"K\'nex Man\". Lawsuits impending.

- The NRU (Ninja\'s Rights Union) continues to sue over Naruto\'s unlawful representation of their profession in the popular anime. Regular burnings of orange efigees and signs saying \"WE DON\'T BELIEVE IT\" now appear.

- Italian General Mario\'s army continues to make surprise attacks on island Goomba armies struggling for independence. America has resolved to help its friends in Italy in the form of placing secret \"? Blocks\" in the vicinity offering vital supplies to the troops.

all the soda is gone.:cry:and venom is aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa(he was attaked by a zombi) brainnnnnnns!

Heh...

• Elmo has found nuclear weapons and plans to do drive-bys with them
  
• George Bush is sending troops to Sesame Street to capture the ace of hearts: Elmo
  
• The Cookie Monster has escaped from Cookie Rehab
  
• Big Bird has the Bird Flu, Geoge Bush plans to torch his home to keep the flu from spreading.
  

BRAINS aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!BOOM!

Breaking news today, Oscar was recently arrested for selling cocain and other illegal drugs to minors. Elmo was convicted of aiding him in distribution.
It seems snuffy was his best customer.

[Edited on 12-2-2006 by PsychoGiga]

The milk has gone sour and we\'re out of tuna.

Bill Gates uses his extrime wealth to buy all video game companies, publishers, and schools. The world prepares for the new world order. Bill Gates has made this statement. \"The plans of mine have worked.....but have left me scared.......but my will has never been stronger!! Today is a new day where Video Games will start the first world wide Empire!!\" We belive that he was hiding his scars under the cloack he was whereing at the time.

Ooh!!!

- Otenko says that he is greater than God.
-God sues Otenko for using his name.
-Some weird political correct dude sues God for insulting people with his presence.
-God lost that suit.
- 75% of tweens have said the f-word at least two hundred times in seventh grade.
-90% of tweens think that Yu-Gi-Oh! sucks.
-The other ten percent is having the best damn time of their lives.
-I\'m not wearing pants right now. Film at eleven.
-Saddam Hussein sues Michael Jackson for looking sexier than he does.*
-Pie rocks.
-We\'re out of chicken. Panic ensues.
-I\'m insane. Wait, you already knew that.

*-Please note that this statement does not reflect rockmaniskool\'s feelings in any way, shape or form.

• Dick Cheney\'s friend injured while hunting for Dan Quayle.
  
• Dick Cheney\'s gun has still killed fewer people than Ted Kennedy\'s car.
  
• In response to the popular Buy Danish campaign, the federal US government purchases Denmark.
  
• Pat Robertson thinks that Ariel Sharon is going to burn in hell for being a Jew.
  

-Pirates proven genetically superior to ninjas. Research shows that the immunities of pirates are reinforced from years of scurvy prevention. All ninjas will die a horrible, War of the Worlds alien-like death, tonight at 10:00.

-General Normandy invades New York! Death by succubus is first come, first serve. Anyone arriving after the depletion of succubus-death is to be warned of the substitiute death by siren.

-Eating a bear is now scientifically proven to improve your chances of not being eaten by a bear.

-Ancient document discovered in George Washington\'s grave suggests that American government was intended to possess an aristocratic merit system of appointment with a market system run solely by barter. The document was promptly burned after the discovery.

-Fireman dies saving a young kitten from a starved, bloodthirsty tree. The National Lumberjack Defense Squadron (NLDS) headed off the creature on an interstate running through Minnesota and silenced it.

-Murderer kills two, a minor and himself, in a tragic suicide murder. He then fled to a house in downtown Boston and murdered 3 others. The nation\'s top necromancers are baffled, but continue to investigate to discover the whereabouts of this haneous criminal.

[Edited on 13-2-2006 by AimMan v2.5]

-Bus gose through buring empty house. Bus unharmed. Twenty die.

-Man is hit by bus, suspects are at the ages of 5 and 6 includeing driver. They are each 5\'11 feet in hight and have peg legs and eyepatches. Police are baffled for the man was holding a dognut when hit, they wonder why a man holding the sacred fruit was murdered.

Murderer kills two people, first himself, then his wife.

Nintendo sued Samus Aran. She Married Master Chief.

God seemed to be a potato, eaten by a 4-year-old.

Mario Mario of the Super Mario Bros cheated with Daisy, Luigi: \"Mama F*****G Mia\"

• Cosplay predicted to become fashionable trend in two years; sign of the end times; statues weep tears of blood.
  
• Two men kiss. Germany explodes.
  
• The Northeastern U.S. is stunned as it snows in the middle of winter.
  
• East and West Germany kiss. A man explodes.
  
• Dick Cheney shoots a hunter for \"Stealing the fresh kitten blood from my fridge\".
  
• East and West kiss. A German man explodes.
  
• According to the Parallel Universe Entertainment News, Tupac Shakur has signed to play the Tin Man in the upcoming Broadway revival of \"The Wiz.\"
  
• Word coming in that John Kerry accidentally shot a man while kayaking. Actually, it wasn\'t a man. And he wasn\'t kayaking. Hold on ... we\'re now learning that Al Gore shot John Kerry ...
  
• John Kerry and Al Gore kiss. Dick Cheney\'s daughter explodes.
  
• Spokesman for the Bush Administration confirms that contrary to earlier reports, Bill Clinton was actually responsible for shooting a man in Vice President Dick Cheney\'s hunting party.

- Heavy Winter Coats are the new fashion for summer

- Barney arrested and presumed a terrorist.

-Jack Bauer elected preseident

-Baby survives 5-story fall.

-Elvis discovered hidden in snow bank.

• The Sears tower is blown up by terrorists because Bush doesn\'t get to listen to our phone calls.
  
• In an attempt to calm the situation, Uncyclopedia officially apologizes for the Muhammed cartoons in Jyllandsposten.
  
• Controversy over abortion pill RU-486 continues in Australia. When asked to respond to claims the country is facing an abortion epidemic, a spokesperson for Abort-Australia Inc said \"We bloody well hope so, we spend enough money on advertising.\"
  
• America faces the same epidemic as people rampantly shed skin cells. Quadrillions of lives lost and Jesus burns with murderous rage.
  
• Something happened to Jimbo. Of course, nobody cares.
  
• Jackalope hunting season officially begins today in Texas. Friends of Dick Cheney were called for comment, but they were all in hiding.
  
• Jackalope hunting season has finished with all of them. Yes, theyre extinguished.