May 5, 2006

The RIAA, in a more fervent effort to curb file sharing, has started sending viruses to users who unknowingly download from their honeypots. To make them think they feel safe, the viruses stay inactive for 24 hours after being downloaded.

Here is Mitch Bainwol, err um, Bitch Mainwol with more details:

In all the songs we put out for them to download, they will get supreme-quality audio so they'll think they're "home-free". Little do they know that each of these files have a hidden, embedded virus in them. Even if they run an antivirus, it'll not pick it up because not only is this virus brand-new, it's heavily encrypted within these song files so antivirus programs will never pick it up even if their companies add info about it.

Evidently, the 1/9000 chance of getting caught isn't deterring enough people. I guess that's because it's the same odds of getting in a car accident. Users will however, get a 1/1 chance of getting this virus because it will secretly transfer to other files on Kazaa and any other illegal file sharer, even if those other files did not come from the RIAA. In other words, this virus will infect every last music file on all file-sharing networks.

We've decided not to infect video files and files other than for music because that would take up too much manpower and resources. The MPAA and other legal entities can do that.

So there you have it, you must stop file sharing or else here's what will happen:

You download a song, unknowingly infected by RIAA's virus. Everything's perfectly fine for 24 hours, and you enjoy listening to your newly-downloaded music.

Exactly 24:00:00 after you download it, a full-screen pop-up appears, saying YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS TO DELETE YOUR SHARED FILES OR ELSE YOUR COMPUTER WILL BE HUFFED!!! This virus has been sent to you by the RIAA. Delete all illegal files from your system, otherwise Enjoy Your Newly Empty Hard Drive!

The timer starts counting down on the pop-up. You move all your illegally-downloaded files to the Recycling Bin and close the pop-up window.

You think you're home-free but GUESS WHAT? When the 60 seconds are up, the pop-up appears again, this time saying:

Pity you! YOU FORGOT TO EMPTY THE RECYCLING BIN! You had your 60 seconds, now your computer shall DIE! Hard Drive deletion in progress. Status: 3% deleted (and counting)

Poor, poor boy. You should've gotten iTunes! (Or Napster, or any other legal file-sharing service.)



Bitch Mainwol, who ordered the global annihilation of filesharing PCs.

Edited by Mega X.exe on May 6, 2006 at 11:44:36.

My good christ, do they know what they're doing?

This is something that is a little extreme...I thought putting virii in things was illegal nowadays? I mean, defense is one thing, but destroying someone's computer because of a simple song?

I don't see filesharing as a threat. I see it as an opportunity to raise awareness of bands, indie or not. And as awareness rises, so do sales...so what's the bloody problem?

I seriously thought there was a law passed in the eighties that encompassed hacking and virii. I could be wrong, though. But if it's true, we could totally sue them for it.

[EDIT] I just realized something. You're probably dicking with us.

Edited by Phatman Dover on May 6, 2006 at 14:20:54.

I should leave some indicator in my posts so people know when I'm being serious or when I'm not.

Probably.

The Bush one was a dead giveaway although still more people believe it...:P

This one intices the natural fear of loss though, so you know. The last thing I want is for my computer to melt.

Very good Mega. I'm rarely caught off guard like that, congrats!

Eh, I kind of found the use of caps in the pop ups overzealous. There's also a certain ring to the writing that seems... excited.
But I suppose you had to make the whole joking angle semi-obvious to the humour impaired.

I just use my do unto others deal. I never take myself seriously, so therefore I don't take anyone else seriously. Makes me avoid looking like an ass I've found.

This is interesting, I am glad you brought it up.