WASHINGTON, D.C. —A bill cancelling Memorial Day was signed today by President Bush, who called the celebration "unpatriotic". Under the new law, this year's Memorial Day will not take place and anyone caught trying to remember the dead will be fined. Bush commented, "Look, I know people like to remember our fallen soldiers, but we're in a war here. The more people are reminded of the deaths that can result from war, the less they're going to support our war. That's just what Al Qaeda wants. If we allow Memorial Day to go on, then the terrorists have won."

Conservative pundits praised the move. Said FOX News commentator Bill O'Reilly: "Those treasonous commies over at the other news organizations just love to undermine the government by reminding us of people who have died in the war. Now that Memorial Day is cancelled, however, they have one less weapon with which to attack our core American beliefs."

"Shut up," O'Reilly added.

Not everyone is pleased, however. CBS News anchor Bob Schieffer remarked, "I concede that it might not be the best for Iraq War support if we're reminded that war is a terrible thing that should be avoided at all costs, but shouldn't there be some acknowledgement of their great sacrifice?" Schieffer was promptly fired.

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld offered a different view: "We don't allow coffins being brought home to be photographed, do we? This is the same thing. Imagine if everyone were constantly reminded of the human cost of our decision to go in and take out the government of a sovereign nation. Why, we'd never get anything done."

Edited by Mega X.exe on May 27, 2006 at 19:30:08.

That is by far the funniest thing I've ever read in my entire life.

WTF! Memorial Day cant be cancelled. I dont have school on Memorial day and im gonna fight for it to be not cancelled!


But the fight will take up memorial day. So one way or another i wont have school! :hehe:

Good News!
Some people all ready out of school for summer.
Bad news!
No Bar-Qs!

That made me laugh.

Almost everything?

I'd say Mega X here likes to spread the word of Uncyclopedia. =/

I love the Bill O' Reily bit. Although I'm at school today, so this isn't really that amusing to me.

You have school?

That's downright unpatriotic. :[

Play hooky and take pride in your country!

Happy un-Memorial Day, everyone!

It's all part of my plan. When people stop taking me seriously, I'll switch over to real news. Then when people start taking my word at face value...back to this!

The neverending cycle!

This probably should be closed tomorrow.

You probably should stop posting, Hardman.

Anyway Sage he said he was selfish because he only thinks of Memorial Day as a chance to take off of school, and not a day for remembrance. He'll fight to keep himself from having to go to school, but wouldn't care otherwise, you see?

this is just sad....

...you know, maybe you could read what I posted and see that Sage already understands instead of trying to start a mediocre flame war.

Mega X, what's next?
Bush calls for International Bush Day?

Can you please tell me where you got this info because everyon I've talked to has heard nothing about this and this type of thing would spread really fast

Ribitta, old friend...
He made it up.

Actually, they're all quotes from Uncyclopedia, a mock-Wikipedia, if memory serves.

fine you confused me

Edited by Ribitta on May 31, 2006 at 20:13:02.

Sorry, then.

Hahahahha

Score another one for Mega X!