You guys are gonna love this!

--------------------------------
Chapter 1
The story was about the killer wolf and monsters.
Character:
Coco
Nina Cortex
Rouge the bat
Shadow the hedgehog

*In Nina lair*

Coco: Thanks for welcoming me Nina.

Nina: you welcome Coco.

Shadow: Now is time for a celebration.

Rouge: *Serving dinner* Dinners ready!

Nina: Rouge made a fried duck, a fried cockroaches, a pig skin, and a steak legs.

Coco: *Smell* Mmm it smells good!

Shadow: Lets Eat!

*Coco, Rouge, Nina, and Shadow are eating*

Coco: *Use a fork and take some cockroach and eat them* *Crunch*

Rouge: *Eating a duck skin* *Chow* *Crunch*
-------------------------

Chapter 2
The wolf attacks!

*A wolf roaring loudly*
*HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO*
*Coco, Rouge, Nina, and Shadow heard*

Coco: What was that?

Shadow: Is the wolfs!

*A wolf breaks in*

*Dark wolfs with red eyes and a red sharp teeth*

Rouge: Aaaahhhhh!!! The wolfs!

*Wolf runs to them*

*RRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR*

Coco: Is coming to us!

Nina: *Grab a wolf stomach and crush it with her steel trap hand and the blood explode and the blood speads all over the walls, and floors.

Coco: Where did it come from?

Nina: It came from the dark cave.

Rouge: It's the place where all the dark wolf lives.

Coco: Thats a strange cave.

this is kind of scary, but is cool!

Thank you, now continue.

----------------------------------

Coco: what do we do now?

Nina: We got to be dangerous!

Coco: Dangerous?

Nina: The Blood of Danger!

Rouge: It means we had to get tough and danger!

Shadow: What kind of danger do you do Coco?

Coco: *Pulls a knife out of her hair and toss it down on the wolfs head*

Rouge: Gee, thats gonna hurt.

Coco: Thats right! I'm gonna be Dangerous with you all!

Rouge: Oh yeah baby! Thats what i wanted to hear.

Coco: Wait, there's more! *Pulls lots of knifes out of hair and rapidly toss it down on the wolfs head*

Rouge: Yeah baby! I love it when you do that!

Coco: Thank you.

Nina: Come on, lets go and bust some dark wolfs blood!


Edited by Coco on June 2, 2006 at 10:47:12.

Just checking; you and CRASH are different people right? Cause you know, he posted just 10 minutes after you to compliment you and everything. <_<;

But then again, maybe you guys are siblings. -_-;

Yeah, definitely need to work on using plurals. For instance, you end up saying things such as "a red teeth" pretty often.

The plotline of the story also just seems pretty hackneyed. A bunch of people, chosen completely at random, are eating a completely random dinner when a completely random pack of wolves attacks them? It seems like the entire emphasis is solely on gore. Like you're thinking that the more blood you can put in, the more people it will attract. People don't just go for that tactless killing any more. Like Break said, people need descriptive details.

I'd definitely work on my material some more if I were you. That and the use of plural nouns.

...THIS is rated 'M'?!?

PLEASE, no SCRIPT-STYLE fanfics! NO SCRIPT-STYLE.

Sorry! I was making my own story. Besides, its not spamming anyway, I am also 17 year old you know. I like making my own storys. all i have to do is make a story, and thats what i did in this story. From now on, I'm making my own story instead of copying the story off the internet so i won't have to use them anymore.
*Ahem*

==================================

*Chapter 3*

Crash, Blinx, Ty, Sonic, and Knuckle are relaxing in midnight.

Blinx: *Inhale soft* *Relax in the beach chair*

*Knuckle & Ty fighting*

Knuckle: *Punching ty*

Ty: *Blocking and jump and sidekick knuckle*

Knuckle: *Duck and uppercut ty*

Ty: *Flip backward while in the air*

Knuckle: *Run and dive-punch at ty*

Ty: *Turn and flip-backwards over knuckle*

Sonic: *Relaxing on the roof*

Crash: *Came outside the house* Hey, have you guys seen Coco?

Sonic: Coco was out with nina, rouge, and shadow.

Blinx: She said they're going at the movie theater.

Crash: What movie was it?

Blinx: They didn't tell us what it is and they move off.

*Knuckle & Ty stop fighting*

Knuckle: They should be back by now.

Ty: And it almost too dark.

Blinx: *Look at the time on the watch* Is 8:34.

Crash: Whats taking them so long? It's getting so late!

*Gaara appear*

Crash: Oh, hi Gaara.

Blinx: Gaara, Have you seen Coco, rouge, nina, and shadow.

Gaara:...............Crash, blinx, Ty, Knuckle, sonic.....

Crash: What? did you find them?

Gaara: Yes i have..........

Blinx: Whats wrong?

Gaara: Bad news.

Crash: WHAT?! WHAT HAPPEN?!

Gaara: I heard Them saying something real awful.

Sonic: What did they say?

Gaara:........................They say that they are becoming........................................................

Crash: Becoming a what?


Gaara:..................The Blood of danger!

Crash: WHAT?! Where are they?!

Gaara: They're in nina lair....*Turn in look*

*Coco, shadow, nina, and rouge return*

Crash: COCO! WHATEVER GOING ON IS NO JOKE!

Coco: I don't care!

Blinx: Coco! Stop it right now!

Coco: If you want us to stop....then fight us!

Crash:.......okay..you're on..!

Crash Coco
Blinx VS Nina
Sonic Shadow
Knuckle Rouge

*To be continue*

Her stories has Me, Coco, Sonic, Knuckle, Ty, Blinx, rouge, gaara, rouge, shadow, and nina in there. I love her story. The rule didn't tell us about using a script style. You guys should know that, okay. We are the mature, and you know it, don't you?

Stop spamming my story!

I love your story coco!

Thank you!

*Continue*
==========================

*Crash, Knuckle, sonic, blinx, coco, rouge, shadow, and nina are ready to fight*

Ty: Hold it! Hold it mates! Coco, whats going on?

Coco: There was a threat.

Blinx: what threats?

*Wolfs appear and roaring loudly*

*RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR*

*All turn around and look*

Knuckle: WHAT IS THAT?!

Nina: Is a dark wolf!

Gaara: I heard all about it. A dark wolf were live in the cave. The wolf with red-eyes and red-tooth. The wolfs are threaten and dangerous, they breath with dark fire and it burns people down move flamable than a regular fire.

Sonic: Dark fire?!

Ty: thats is bad, real bad.

Blinx: I hate those deadly wolf! Lets attack them!

*Fighting against the dark wolf*

No, really? Nobody else thinks the consecutive posts are strange? How Crash always posts right after Coco? <_<;

Well, there's not necessarily anything wrong with script style for some dialogue, but when you plan to have a story focused around action or activity like this once, it really takes aways a lot of the dramatic effect to have to read it chopped up like that.

And how does one become the Blood of Danger, exactly?