19 June 2006

(Paradise, Heaven) Creator of the universe, God the Father was reportedly sorely disappointed in the Father's Day gift he received from his only son, Jesus Christ. The present, according to heaven spokesperson Pope Benedict XVI, was a novelty tie. This is the 1974th year that Jesus presented a tie as a gift. As a general rule, humans blame this selfish act and lame gift for such belted travesties as 9/11, Valentines Day Massacre, San Fransiscos gay outbreak, the Bird Flu, Alex Trebek, Alex Trebek's son, Hurricane Katrina, and my mothers noodle cassarole.

Tensions in God's family have been high ever since God the Father sacrificed his son for all the sins of the world in 32 A.D. He allowed Jesus to be beaten and crucified, ignoring his calls of "My God, my God why have you forsaken me?" Mary, the mom, tried to explain repeatedly to Jesus that the sacrifice was "for the good of the world" and that "the world doesn't revolve around" him, but Christ is still bitter.

As punishment for the crappy gift, God is keeping Jesus grounded, forbidding him from going out to Earth for the rapture and excluding him from any and all bars til 2098. Meanwhile, Joseph, Mary's earlier husband, didn't receive any gifts, with Christ yelling "You're not my real father!" Fellow divine being Allah expressed sympathy for God, but was at the same time bitterly reminded of his own lack of children. "I guess I have Mohammed," he mused, "but he's not my real son; he's just a prophet."

God's daughter Holly Spirit offered a much better gift for her dad - a video iPod. But God didn't seem to care much about that - everyone knows that Jesus is his favorite child by far, and it's his respect and admiration that God seeks. In fact, not many except the Pentecostals really care about Holly.

The divine family ate a special Father's Day dinner at the Olive Garden, where they were joined by friends Vishnu and Ganesh. Wafers and wine were the highlight of the meal, although when the wine ran out Jesus refused to turn water into more out of spite.



God the Father gestures angrily after receiving an ugly tie for Father's Day from Jesus.

Edited by Mega X.exe on June 19, 2006 at 1:40:40.

Ha, he'll kick the kid out of the house soon enough.

(WTF? I posted here before, and it's not there?)


I told the J-man to give him something else, like a laptop, but noooooooooooo... he had to go with a tie again. >.>

^ That Gee-Whiz, he can never think of good gift ideas.

He could at least have tried to give his dad a bunch of sheep. Not original, or modern, but at least it's NOT A TIE.

XD I told my mom we should get my dad a tie for father's day. My dad never wears ties unless he absolutely, positivily needs to dress up. >_>

XD I even saw it earlier. Maybe something happened when that guy got banned this morning?


Edited by Kagome_Sakura on June 19, 2006 at 18:45:26.

For gag value Jesus should have given God a bottle of fine wine. And after his daddy finished, looked him square in the eye and said...

"HA!!! You drank my bloodLOLZ!"

Edited by BlueSilver on June 25, 2006 at 5:37:05.