I try to keep myself busy and productive all the time....so between making my comics and stuff i\'ll be writing this fanfic.The story starts off in the chrono trigger world....The main characters are simon chaos and nitro the dragon...If you have no idea in hell who they are read this topic

http://www.interordi.com/mboard/viewthread.php?tid=106

This is my first time writing a fanfic...If you have any suggestions,criticism,comments let me know.....Here we go...

CHRONO CHAOS

PROLOGUE
Time....the most dangerous weapon of all....if you could somehow control it...you could become invincible...You could destroy lifes...countrys...worlds...priceless memorys....friendships...I know this all too well......

Simon: Oh my god!....crono!...You!...You did this to him?!
Panther demi human:Yes....pretty weak for the mighty time warrior...He was trying to protect this woman..
The mysterious demi human picks up the bloodied body of a woman...
Panther demi human:Awwww.....queen marle i presume....If you want to live you will tell this boy to back off now.....And tell me where the child is...
Marle:....ugh.......S...simon is that you?....

Simon clenches his fist....feeling more angry then he has in his entire life....
Simon: PUT HER DOWN YOU SON OF A BITCH!NOW! They never did anything to you!!!
Panther demi human:True...but they would have tryed to stop me sooner or later...This burning castle won\'t hold for long......Poor woman....She seems to have passed out again......Sleep now...sleep forever....time warrior.
The demi human lunges his scythe weapon into the back of marle....She screams in pain...dead within seconds....Simon no longer able to control his rage lunges after the panther demi human with his sword recklessly....He misses... The demi human teleports onto a nearby pillar...He smiles.

Panther demi human:Why are you so angry? She died in the name of SEPHIROTH! My master and the new ruler of all worlds!!!There is no higher honor!
Simon:SCREW YOU AND YOUR MASTER!!!I\'LL KILL BOTH YOU!!
Panther demi human:You want to play don\'t you?....you must forgive me...i have no time.I must find the child of schala....She is\'nt faraway...i can feel the energy from her pendant......Oh!I have\'nt forgotten you!I\'ve brought some old friends of yours to play.....goodbye peasant.
And with a flick of his hand...He disappeared..simon looks puzzled

Simon:NOOO!YOU CAN\'T LEAVE YET!!! DAMMIT ALL!!!
suddenly nitro morphs to cat dragon form.
Nitro:Simon.....i can\'t possibly understand how you feel right now....but we have to go warn lucca! hes obviously after kid!
Simon:Lucca....i will always protect you....hold on we\'re coming!
Before simon and nitro could reach the exit they are pushed back by a magical barrier....Suddenly three (time)gates appear.....out walks....

Nitro:Ozzie....flea.....and slash? what in the name of althena is going on?
Ozzie wobbles around looking dizzy..
Ozzie:Hehe...What a ride those things are..*BARF*
Flea:Lookie,lookie.....Its simon and his flying furball nitro!
Slash:hmph....i wanted that bitch reiketsu....But you\'ll do for now boy!


[Edited on 1/20/0303 by Dr.chaos]

Criticism?

Fine. That is very poor English displayed within that story. While you may get away with it when making a post or in a chat, such mistakes with grammar in a story is unexcusable. Chatting on the internet is like spoken English, which will allow certain mistakes; within written English such as a story like this though, it reflects poorly on the author.

Hmmm....i see.Thanks for the tip spiderman.;)

Just doing your friendly neighborhood activities.

Not only that, but this seems more like a diolouge or a RPG-style format kinda thing, not like a fanfiction format. in fanfiction, you have characters reacting with one another by using quotation marks- these nifty little things: \" and \", just to make the story shorter. And it makes more sense when you do that, too.

Anyway, it seems interesting; you\'re going in the right direction, but add a little more....pizzaz. Pizzaz and better Words are what you need; more fluent words. For example, you could replace really really happy with elated. Or enthused, whichever strikes your fancy. You\'re going in the right direction; just elaborate a little more and add some more decriptive words.

..........Was that too much....?

Why not just start a Choas the Fox RPG!!!:D:D:D:D:D