Tell the best story jokes that you got
Heres one
there are 3 guys and one magic lamp each gets one wish.
the first guy says hawk then he turns into a hawk
the second guy says eagle then turns into and eagle
third guy trips over a rock and says crap!
then he turns into a pile of crap.
The end :lol::sick:

Three guys are trapped on an island. They find a magic Lamp

Man 1: I wan\'t to be home with my family

Man 2: I wan\'t to be home with my girlfriend

Man 3: I\'m lonely...I wish my friends were back with me...

This is NOT an insulting joke.

There was this chinese guy who came to America but knew none of the American language. He went to a rock concert to check it out. He and all the crowd repeated \"yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah!

He got a bit hungry and went to the restraunt. The waitress taught him how to say \"knife and fork\"

He soon got curious about the candy factory and learned how to say \"goody goody gumdrops\"

He was one his way home in a plane, when a murder was announced. An officer came to him and asked if he killed the old woman. He replied \"yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah!\" The officer was shocked, but moved onto the next question. He asked what he killed her with. He replied \"knife and fork, knife and fork!\" The officer came to his conclusion and said that he was going to go to jail. he replied \"goody goody gumdrops!\"

And remember, my friend learned this at some camp and it is NOT an insult to the Chinese.

What did you think of the joke?

OK... in mine, I\'ll use Smogarian as not to insult anyone...
An American, a Frenchman, and a \'Smogarian\' were captured by enemy soldiers, lined up, and about to be shot. Just as they are about to shoot the American, he shouts \"flood!\" and they scatter, giving him time to escape.
Once they regroup, they get ready to shoot the Frenchmen. They get ready, take aim, and just then, the Frenchman shouts \"earthquake!\" They scatter, and he escapes.
By now, they are certain to be more careful with the Smogarian. They get ready...
\"Ready...\"
\"Aim...\"
\"Fire!\" shouts the Smogarian.

I got another one
OK so a duck walks into a store and asks got any gwapes and then the guy says no we don\'t got any gwapes and then the next day the duck asks got any gwapes and then the guy no we don\'t got any gwapes and if you ask me again I\'m going to staple your mouth shut
so the next day the duck walks into the store and asks got any staples and the guy says no we don\'t got any staples and then the duck asks got any gwapes?:D:lol::lol:

Three guys walk into a bar, you\'d think the 3rd guy woul\'ve seen it coming.

I dont get it?!

Yep, Iron bar

Oh I gey=t it sorry sometimes it takes a while in order for me to understand the joke. This joke is hilarious though.:lol::lol::lol:

Thank ye very kindly

OK There is a gay guy in a church.The offering plate was being passed around.He takes out a wad of money(about $300) he puts it into the plate.
Th pastor saw it and asked\"who offered this?!?This is wonderful!\" The gay man raised his hand.The pastor said he could pick his 3 favorite Hyms. The gay man pointed out 3 guys and said,\"I\'ll take him, him, and Him\".

A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, \"I won a motor home! I won a motor home!\"

The waitress runs over and argues, \"That\'s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!\"

The blonde replies, \"No. I won a motor home!\"

By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, \"You couldn\'t possibly have won a motor home because we didn\'t have that as one of our prizes.\"

Again the blonde says, \"There is no mistake! I won a motor home!\"

The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, \"WIN A BAGEL.\"


[Edited on 1/9/2004 by Mega X.exe]

[quote]Originally posted by Mega X.exe
A blonde goes to the local restaurant, buys a small drink for herself, and sits down to drink it. She notices a peel-off prize sticker on the side of her cup while she is drinking. After pulling off the tab, she begins screaming, \"I won a motor home! I won a motor home!\"

The waitress runs over and argues, \"That\'s impossible. The biggest prize given away was a stero system!\"

The blonde replies, \"No. I won a motor home!\"

By this time, the manager makes his way over to the table, and he too argues, \"You couldn\'t possibly have won a motor home because we didn\'t have that as one of our prizes.\"

Again the blonde says, \"There is no mistake! I won a motor home!\"

The blonde hands the prize ticket to the manager and he reads, \"WIN A BAGEL.\"


[Edited on 1/9/2004 by Mega X.exe] [/quote]
I don\'t get it.

??? Sorry I dnt get this one either whats the funny part in the joke this time?

Win a bagel

It sounds like Winnabego which is a type of motor home

hahaha? It\'s not that funny. Pretty good though.

These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations across the United States and rest of the world.

Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: \"You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Sign in a Hong Kong supermarket: \"For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.\"

Sign at fast-food place: \"PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!\"

Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: \"Ladies may have a fit upstairs.\"


[Edited on 1/9/2004 by Mega X.exe]

Heres a racest joke (not meant to affend anyone ok!!!)
I don\'t mean to be a racest but i have a colored TV.

Hahaha!:lol:

That was really good.:D

Oops, sorry for any confusion I was responding to Mega X\'s sign post, and TurboMan posted right before me (no offense, TurboMan2).

[Edited on 9-1-2004 by AimMan v2.5]

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.

As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

He looked at the first young man and asked, \"Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?\"

The young man looks at him and says, \"I\'m a pilot!\"

The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, \"Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!\"

The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, \"What skills to you bring to the Air Force?\"

The young man says, \"I chop wood!\"

\"Son,\" the general replies, \"we don\'t need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?\"

\"I chop wood!\"

\"Young man,\" huffs the general, \"you are not listening to me, we don\'t need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!\"

\"Well,\" the young man says, \"you hired my brother!\"

\"Of course we did,\" says the general, \"he\'s a pilot!\"

The young man rolls his eyes and says, \"So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!\"


[Edited on 1/9/2004 by Mega X.exe]

???

Kid chops wood
Brother: Pilot (Pile it)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA thats hilarious I am still laghing HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

There were 3 fresh outta school kids.However,there heads were injured on the day of graduation,so all of them can only say 1 phrase.1 guy can say \"I did! I did!\"the other can say \"Forks spoons and knives!\"And the last can say \"Me first!Me first!\"One day,a policeman was at there door.The kids opened the door.The officer looked and said.\"A murder happened here last night,now,it\'s not good to judge but...Did you do it?\"Of course #1 spat out \"I did!I did!\"
\"Well...How did you do it?\"The officer asked again.
\"Forks spoons and knives!Forks spoons and knives!\"
\"Gasp!I think you need the electric chair,you guys!\"The officer firmly said.
\"Me first!Me first!\"
Another:

Pirates had captured three grils,a brown haired,a black haired,and a blond haired.The cam up with a plan to where they would not get shpt by the cannon on the ship like they were supposed to.The would ach sceam a natural disaster and run away.
The brown haired was first.
\"3...2...\"The captain said.
\"Gasp,tornado!\" the brown haired said,while the pirates looked,she ran away.Then the black haired.
\"3..2..\"The captain said.
\"Gasp!Lightning storm!\" the girl said,and ran off.Now the blond haired girls turn.
\"3..2..1..\"The captain said.
\"!Fire!\"The blond haired girl said and was shot at(I don\'t know if you got that one)

One more(stupid)
A mom and child snake lay in a burrow.
\"Mom...are we poisonus snakes?\"The young one asked.
\"Why,yes,we are,why?\"
The little snake started to cry unconrtollably.
\"Whats wrong,dear?\"
\"I-I bit my tounge!\" the young one said.

More later.

[Edited on 9/1/2004 by Saito Hikari]

two of those joles were already told...

You\'ll have to wait for a couple hours before I can post my next jokes

How do you turn a blonde brown?

You throw m&m\'s in the pool and tell the blonde to go in and arrange them alphebetically! Ok, I got that from a classmate.

Um, a blonde, a brown and a red died in a car accident. They went to heaven and god said they were too young to go to heavan. He said they could be reborn on earth as an animal of their choice. The red said she wanted to be a cow. The brown said she wanted to be a cat. They were changed. Tje blonde noticed that they were getting to choose what they wanted to be. She ran over but she tripped on a rock and said crap! Then she fell to the ground as a pile of crap.

I got that one from a friend!

That\'s almost like the one told at the beginning fo this thread.

I do not mean a thing by these,but they are funny

How do you kill a blonde?

give them a knife and say \"who\'s special?\"

there was a blonde a brunette and a red head. They just pulled off a robbery. They went in a factory and heard cop sirens.
They went and hid is sacks.
The cops kick the redheads bag,she goes\"meow\". They kick the brunette\'s bag,she goes\"woof woof\"
They kick the blonde\'s bag and she says,\"potatoes\".