--Dick Cheney is recruited into the United States Armed Forces. Cheney is under the impression that he is just on another hunting trip.

• Internet user Andrew Green is currently in intensive care after laughing his own ass off in an online chat network.
  
• Woman aged 74 has been arrested in connection with the downloading of an illegal picture of a pepperoni jackalope pizza. This is all in an effort to crack down on internet piracy says the RIAA.
  
• The University of Illinois released a study today proving that no matter what any individual woman might say, all women want to get married and have children. Even lesbians.
  
• A fatal case of African Jackalope Flu has been reported in Nigeria. This brings the total death toll to 42.
  

• Videogames deemed beneficial for children
  
• Space shuttle piloted by Jameson crashes into bridge, exclusive photos
  
• \"Well, Charlie didn\'t REALLY die.\" Exclusive interview with Capcom

Strawberries grew on Iceland, it will now be called Strawberry-Ice-Land

Beer is Berryjuice, it has been spelled wrong

Tifa Lockheart married Cid Highwind, Cloud Strife tried to commit suicide, but he wears Auto-Phoenix-armor. He\'s still busy killing himself

Loch Ness monster is a garden hose

OMGWTFLOLZ-virus is rappidly spreading 0V3R T3H iIVT3RIV3T :eek::eek:

Lloyd Irving became mayor of Iselia, city of runaway Halfelves.

• Graphic novel to pit Batman against al-Qaida. Seriously -- this was on the AP wire. For real. Uncyclopedia disbands, knowing its work is done: the world truly is a joke that no one gets.
  
• Tom Cruise announced this week that he has recently converted to homosexuality. He claims he had this change of heart due to a late night abuduction by aliens, where he says he was probed repeatedly and quote, \"...enjoyed it quite thoroughly.\"
  
• Despite widespread practice, the FDA has not yet recommended taking pre-natal vitamins with Champagne
  
• A huge rap battle on the streets of Beijing this afternoon ended with the proclamation: \"I can kick you higher than you can kick me, I can kick you way up into a tree.\"
  
• In the Olympics, Mexico wins the gold in Boarder Cross.
  
• Several animals were arrested today in Boise, Idaho, for wearing pants. The animals commented, \"Grunt, grunt, growl.\"
  

* Naked Raiden cartwheels through New York streets, more details at 10pm.

* There was a nationwide blood curling screams of, \"WHY DON\'T YOU EVER DRAW MEGAMAN PICTURES!?\" coming from somewhere in a state.

* Zero does not wear thongs.

* Capcom finally admitted that they have no idea what they\'re doing with Megaman series.

* A deranged Kia Purity was seen on a rampage with Metal Gear Rex through a cementary, quite a lot of people dead.

* Lord Emperor Ultimate Necro has taken over the world.

Man sues the band \"The Rednex\" for nameing a song after him without permission. The man\'s name: Cotton Eyed Joe.

- THe apprentice sued by Fat man who expected to become a Jedi aprentice.
- February 29th declared Jack Thompson day. (People would hate celebrating even every 4 years)

• George W. Bush diffused the Abramoff scandal when he explained that he never denied knowing him. The embattled President explained that when asked by the media about him, he simply replied, \"Jack who off?\"
  
• Water Powered Bus crash floods London.
  
• The Kaiser Chiefs won a Brit award last night, but so did I, and my mate Gary, and my mate Stephen... in fact, do you want some of the awards? If you need to donate your spare awards to \"Awards for the Homeless\", post them to 82, West Germanyville, Germany..
  
• Second moon of Earth found to be Grue planet of origin - then it was eaten by Oprah as a snack.
  
• Mahmoud Ahmedinejad once again denies the holocaust and argues that the six million jews were victims of bird flu.

- Kerry sighned up for the army again so that he can have more to brag about the next time he runs for president.

• A scientist invented a formula that can end world hunger, cease all wars, and produce oil from the corpses of British nationalists. Conservatives \'peacefully protest the inventor for playing God\', liberal supporters have been brutally killed in unrelated circumstances, and the military has seized the formula to help build Planet Buster Missiles.
  
• Cartoon protests become more common than childbirth in the Muslims world.
  

... Hey, that second one was on the uncyclopedia today. Did you write it? You should probably make sure to stick with your original material. <_<

Um...Aim? I\'m getting all of this from Uncyclopedia. Notice how I\'ve gotten slightly wittier lately?

And know you know.

....0_o;

Ha ha. Check out my Nippon Ichi article there.:lol:

• President Bush doesn\'t care about Canada
  
• Canada denies \"sucking\" claims and states that this year\'s \"Truly The Greatest And Most Awesome\" Festival will go ahead as planned.
  
• Students agree that Intro to journalism is boring as hell.
  
• 15000 atheists riot in London after a blank sheet of paper is found on a cartoonist\'s desk.
  
• In order to combat terrorists, the United States Government urges all citizens to \"Wang Chung tonight\" starting at 10pm EST.
  
• Canada was voted \'worst place ever\' in the 2006 Sucking awards. Canada sucks.
  
• New evidence was found today suggesting that Dick Cheney may actually be a spy for the Kittens. This would, *ahem*, explain, oh so many things.
  
• Hippies have recently been discovered to be the number one source of airborne and waterborne pollution.
  
• Sucking Awards revealed to be voted on by FOX News editors thereby destroying their legitimacy. Canada votes Sucking Awards most suckiest awards that ever sucked.
  
• President Bush claims that he didn\'t know he was President until after 9/11.
  
• Tony Blair creates a mess in the vomitorium. [list]
• Cthulhu promptly sucks it all up. He\'s hardcore enough to withstand the putrid stench and taste of vomit, and actually considers it a delicacy.

[/list]

- Teacher banned from teaching at Christian school for teaching Evolution.

- Bill closed the Gates of microsoft.

- Minister of the Cardboard Box Population bans the use of fire after 10 accidents. Minister of Water Buckets against it

- Krabby Patties are now called Crappy Patties, since Spongebob was ready to retire. his response: \"I\'M READY\"

- Pens are made of nuclear waste, children mutated to teachers

- Wily is at it again. he stole the McDrive computer for his new robot master; Robot McDonald

- Mario got married to Wendy Koopa. they divorced one day after when Mario woke up.

- Easter and Chrismas on same day in 3067.

Yeah, I was wondering about that. I also think that the possibility of offending the admin of ANY board by traching his country is not the smartest idea no matter how friendly he seems, or how american you are. :-/

Ah, but it was FOX News who made that vote, remember?

• Bush gets hit by a parked car
  
• Cheney shot himself by accident when he was trying to shoot a bird
  
• I got DSL (No really, I did!)
  
• Weird Al does a parody on himself
  
• Extra, Extra! We\'re all blind!
  

- Scooter Libby invited hunting with Dick Cheney.
- Nuclear waste discovered in cafeteria food.
- Midwestern yokel sticks head outside of amusement park scrambler ride and gets wacked.

You said it, though.