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Topic: Emotions spawned of a friend\'s death... sort of., Help?

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Unknown



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Posted on September 13, 2004 at 7:48:11 [Post link]
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HollowTorment
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Posted on September 13, 2004 at 8:05:32 [Post link]
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If you don't feel anything, there's nothing wrong with you.

Well, there might be but I have the same "problem" if infact it's a problem.

When any family member has died, I have not cried. Even when I was little and was SUPPOSED to cry. I was saddened by their death, and I do miss them, but I didn't cry.

People probably thought of me as 'coldhearted' or something, but I've always been 'the strong one' and am 'not expected' to cry. So I don't cry.

Here's the weird part. When I remember a relative, I remember the good things about them and the time I spent with them. But when I remember a pet, I get very sad and miss them. :lol:

But anyway..why should you feel guilt and sorrow? Do you feel the need that you should express it? If you feel like you're bottling it up, then you do have a problem and need to let it out.

If it's not even there at all..then don't worry. Just because someone has gone, doesn't mean you need to mourn them day in and day out. All you need to do is remember the good times and all that she has taught you. You're not happy that she died, you're not celebrating that by not being mournful.. Different people take things in different ways.

Should I shut up now? I'm starting to not make sense again. :lol:

Anyways Wind, you're probably just taking this really well. So don't think anything is wrong. :)


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Unknown



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Posted on September 13, 2004 at 8:24:37 [Post link]
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Gutter Mouth
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Posted on September 13, 2004 at 8:38:50 [Post link]
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Ugh.... I always get here late and sound like an echo but yes it's true, I have been through a lot of what you and Hollow have.

Similar to Holly's experience I too have lost a relatives and then wonder... "What's wrong with me?"

As I stood there at the funeral watching the people in black around me with the wettest eyes you've ever seen, crying their hearts out for my lost Grandfather, and I was alone, standing there, try to force myself to cry. Yes, I was young, only probably around 9 or 10, maybe even younger.

Two months later after my Grandmother passes because of heartbreak and cancer, I found myself in the same position, at the same exact funeral home. I loved my grandparents unlike I loved anything else, I was rather close to them, and seeing as they only lived a city or two away I saw them quite often. But as I stood, with a rose gripped firmly in my hand I wondered how my eyes could be so dry and yet, earlier that week I cried so easily because I had to wait two hours for my brother to get his braces slapped on by the orthodontist. How could something so little as that make me break down but when the person who cooked me pancakes, looked after me on the days I was sick and didn't go to school, and "gave thick smiles that after they had made an agreement to give you a dollar for every A you made on your report card and you end up getting B's and C's and they give you 3 dollars for each one anyways", was gone and I felt nothing?

This is starting to turn into a story about me but I just wanted to clarify that it is normal to not cry, even if it is somebody very close to you. I really tried to not remember that part of my life, in the funeral just sittin' casually alone drinking hot chocolate while my brother who is only a few years older than me had stained his shirt with tears. I have a feeling now that death can affect some people more than others in a teary sense. It's not anything you can help, I'm sure you know you miss your loved ones and that really should be good enough, it's like the 911 topic, don't show fake tears just because it's the "set" thing to do. If you don't feel like crying on the inside, then don't force yourself to.

EDIT: Found out the exact date, I was in 3rd grade which makes me....? 7 yrs. (I'm a year younger than everybody else.)

[Edited on 14-9-2004 by Gutter Mouth]

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Posted on September 13, 2004 at 13:42:05 [Post link]
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Posted on September 13, 2004 at 14:59:15 [Post link]
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Wow, she died [SIZE=10][b[ OF WHAT?![/SIZE][/b]


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Unknown



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Posted on September 13, 2004 at 15:01:02 [Post link]
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Mega X.exe
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Posted on September 13, 2004 at 15:21:30 [Post link]
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Hey Wind, can you still cry? Then be thankful for that. There are those who, when the time comes that they need to, wantr to cry, it doesn't come. It doesn't happen...ever. If you can find yourself able to cry at all, then you should be fine.


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BassGospel
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Posted on September 13, 2004 at 16:42:54 [Post link]
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Wind, if you don't feel the need to cry then that's okay. Maybe because you worked yourself up about how much pain you would be in, when it actually came you were just overshocked and didn't feel anything.

And besides, surely the last thing that she would want would be for you to get extremely upset. When a person dies you shouldn't remember the death, but remember the life and the good times you had.

Remember it's not showing emotion that matters, it's feeling it!


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Posted on September 13, 2004 at 18:08:46 [Post link]
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Serpentarius
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Posted on September 13, 2004 at 20:59:34 [Post link]
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Wind, I think you've brought up a good topic. Emotions are difficult to express, and the fact that you feel this way is normal, I think. Think of it this way, okay? You feel sorry that she has passed, and you feel sorry that you can't show that emotion, but in both cases you experience remorse, whether others can see it or not. That is what matters.


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the_dreamer36
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Posted on September 13, 2004 at 22:04:11 [Post link]
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Actually that this is a defense mechanism in the human mind so that they don't break down and destroy themselves, it's a psychological defense mechanism.

EDIT:Changed tenses in the middle of the sentence

[Edited on 13-9-2004 by the_dreamer36]


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Slipknotflunkie
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Posted on September 14, 2004 at 2:18:32 [Post link]
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Hey Wind, look Im sure someone else already said it but Ill repeat it, Its not your fault, So any guilty feelings that your having should just be turned to sadness not guilt, I mean you werent the guy that did all that! I sure hope that when we get together this Spring Break UE, BlueSilver and myself can help you cheer up, So dont do anything I would Do ie:Masochism on the wrist regions!!

PS God Kiryu, if you dont have anything supportive to say then "Shut the fuck up" and yes Dr.Cossak I know the rules pwease dun hurt me, Its just everyone is tired of his shit, especially on such a touchy topic.....

Again Wind, we are all HERE for you, and in the spring some of us will be THERE for you

Edit:when i mean guilt i mean of not feeling bad,or anything, so yay ^_^, just wanted to clear that up

[Edited on 14-9-2004 by Slipknotflunkie]


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shadoreaper
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Posted on September 14, 2004 at 4:33:29 [Post link]
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its ok....you people are not the only ones who suffer....though i do cry, and i have a different mind set then some of you, iv seen 2 of the most tragic of things..... iv seen as, i had posted on winds other topic "i like to watch the planes come in" , my friends father jump out one of the windows of the building....and to add to that, my friend that iv spent most of my life with, i saw his mother commit suicide rigt in front of us


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Tsayan Black
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Posted on September 14, 2004 at 4:58:52 [Post link]
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Actually, WindRider~, I am, to some degree, able to identify with you. My sister left for college this summer and I wondered if I would experience strong grief. But, after seeing much that should cause me pain, cause me sadness,cause me anger, cause me happiness . . . it no longer holds any meaning. I do not feel numb. I simply do not feel.

Because of that, deep inside myself, I felt some sense of desperation to free myself from this lack of emotion and inability to feel. However, I believe this may be the way in which some people cope with a loss. Do not feel guilty. After a person who was a large part of your life disappears, you need to adjust. It may seem strange to say, but you may need to "relearn" how to feel. My intereactions with my sister seem to have served as stimuli to keep me alive and aware. My guess is that the situation you find yourself in is similar. As I myself have found no way to break from the hold of this numbness, I cannot offer you any escape. But I do not believe that your lack of feeling is necessarily wrong.

I apologize if my words were of no help.

Unknown



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Posted on September 14, 2004 at 7:47:05 [Post link]
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Tsayan Black
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Posted on September 15, 2004 at 2:38:00 [Post link]
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Alright. ::nod:: I am sorry that I am of little help. But, I will pray for you.

By the way . . .

Any range of emotions or lack of emotions may occur after a loved one's death, though . . . what you are feeling now, I do not know. But, I am sure it is not without rhyme or reason. I know that the Lord has plans for your future.

[Edited on 17-9-2004 by Tsayan Black]

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Posted on September 15, 2004 at 4:15:37 [Post link]
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Maverick
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Posted on September 15, 2004 at 17:49:26 [Post link]
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Kei told me something about this. In fact, he even told me to put it here.

But I won't. He can tell you himself. (BTW, I have MMAC now, yay) Windrider, you probably just think there's a gap. It's probably a deep emotional wound. You're just shutting yourself off from the truth. Denial. Maybe.

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Posted on September 19, 2004 at 23:49:24 [Post link]
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It could be anything but never the less you will always feel some sort of pain...


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Posted on September 20, 2004 at 0:12:14 [Post link]
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Quote:
Originally posted by Maniacal Maverick
Kei told me something about this. In fact, he even told me to put it here.

But I won't. He can tell you himself. (BTW, I have MMAC now, yay) Windrider, you probably just think there's a gap. It's probably a deep emotional wound. You're just shutting yourself off from the truth. Denial. Maybe.


He can't tell us, he's banned.


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corte
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Posted on September 20, 2004 at 21:52:54 [Post link]
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Windrider, sorry to be rude but get over it. I know its harsh and I shouldn't be saying this kind of thing and everyone going to insult me when they read this but like I said get over it. You think they want you mourning over their death or committing suidcide? I think not. I think they want you to be okay and meet other girls but not forget them. Just remember all the good time you had with them to cheer yourself up a little and laugh about it. Remember laughter is the best medicine {although its not really true}. So, as long as you didn't cause it or do it don't blame yourself for it got this Wind?

And shadoreaper, I think your friend's father jumped out the window because he knew he was going to die anyway, but he just didn't want to die because of terrorsits, I think he would rather coose his death instead which gave him the options of dying by a terrorism act or kill himself, so maybe thats why he jumped out the window instead of terrorist clapping him back. And as for his mom, I think she was so overwhelmed that she wanted to be with him in heaven and so she killed herself {but I don't know how she did it}.

[Edited on 09/12/04 by corte]


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Posted on September 20, 2004 at 22:01:45 [Post link]
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corte
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Posted on September 20, 2004 at 22:05:53 [Post link]
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We're glad me and everyone else here can help you, although I don't think I helped you at all.


Samsara
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Posted on September 22, 2004 at 20:36:18 [Post link]
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I have a similar...thing

A boy in our year died when I was 11. Nothing.

My pet dog, Sally, died. Nothing.

My Grandma died nothing.

Not true. I did feel a little sad for a while, but the felling swiftly passed. Now, when I think of them, the sadness doesn't come again. Instead, I'm filled with happiness and joy. Joy to remember the good times. Joy to have known. I just want to burst out laughing. I remember cuddling Sally. Her slobbery chops! Her soft fur. The dopey look in her eyes as she stared into space. The unique language she used and we could understand every word!

Sorry. The point is, I've never cried when someone died. However, I have felt angered at someone showing them disrespect. Someone's phone going off part-way few the funeral. somone unwrapping a sweet during the funeral. But not at the initial death. I guess I'm just hapy with the time I spent with them.

So, WindRider~, I expect you feel similar about her as I do with my Grandma.

Also, you're seeing this at a much more humane way than the "I like to see the planes come in" topic as then, it was much more general. You had no idea who those people were. In fact, if it hadn't been broadcast, I suspect you wouldn't even had known it had happened. This time, the death was of someone you personally. The reaper hit home. Evedently, you miss the person. After all, how can you miss someone you have never known and never would have anyhow?

[Edited on 26-9-2004 by AirMan]


corte
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Posted on September 22, 2004 at 22:23:52 [Post link]
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Quote:
Originally posted by AirMan
I have a similar...lets call it a problem. I'm not sure it is, but lets call it that.

A boy in our year died when I was 11. Nothing.

My pet dog, Sally, died. Nothing.

My Grandma died nothing.

Not true. I did feel a little sad for a while, but the felling swiftly passed. Now, when I think of them, the sadness doesn't come again. Instead, I'm filled with happiness and joy. Joy to remember the good times. Joy to have known. I just want to burst out laughing. I remember cuddling Sally. Her slobbery chops! Her soft fur. The dopey look in her eyes as she stared into space. The unique language she used and we could understand every word!

Sorry. The point is, I've never cried when someone died. However, I have felt angered at someone showing them disrespect. Someone's phone going off part-way few the funeral. somone unwrapping a sweet during the funeral. But not at the initial death. I guess I'm just hapy with the time I spent with them.

So, WindRider~, I expect you feel similar about her as I do with my Grandma.

Also, you're seeing this at a much more humane way than the "I like to see the planes come in" topic as then, it was much more general. You had no idea who those people were. In fact, if it hadn't been broadcast, I suspect you wouldn't even had known it had happened. This time, the death was of someone you personally. The reaper hit home. Evedently, you miss the person. After all, how can you miss someone you have never known and never would have anyhow?


Off topic: Windride did you just type that your friend was a lesbian?
On topic:Eeeeeehhhhhhhhhh, I wouldn't feel anything either if someone close to me died. And Windy, when I said meet new girls I meant make new friends not make new girlfriends quote: in some other topic{ or this one}, you said that a friend that you fell in love with and became your girlfriend died didn't you?


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Posted on September 23, 2004 at 1:03:24 [Post link]
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corte
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Posted on September 23, 2004 at 19:09:05 [Post link]
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Ookayyy, that's just creepy. Both of them are dead now, either it was their time already to kick the can, they so pretty that the almighty God wanted to keep them all for himself and take them away from you out of jealosy, or you're an alltimely jinx. {And no, I'm not trying to make a joke to cheer him up so don't assume that at all. Insult me and die.


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Posted on September 23, 2004 at 19:38:53 [Post link]
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Have you thought that megaman 9 might be the last one (where Zero is revealed) why? well the first games used Roman numbers I II III IV V
So maybe the megaman X we know is actually megaman 10!!

 

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