This is the fruitiest story to go down in celebrity annals in some time. According to the world's most prolific and omnipresent celebrity website TMZ, indie film director John Roecker caused outrage, shock and horror when he donned a piece of anti-Scientology apparel while walking in L.A. last weekend.


The fashion piece in question is a self-created shirt that has a picture of Tom Cruise on the front with the caption "Scientology is Gay," and the disco-era visage of John Travolta on the back boldly captioned "VERY GAY!"

It's actually a pretty cool shirt, unless you are an ultra-sensitive, slightly mental, obsessive follower of the highly-questionable, alien-loving religion Scientology.

The expressive piece of fabric used to cover Roecker's man-boobs was too much for Jenna and Bodhi Elfman to endure. After eyeing the offensive message, the Elfmans hurled vile canards at the director. According to Roecker, he was strolling with a friend when a "shirtless man and a tall blonde" approached him yelling indignantly, "Hey, man, you're making fun of my religion."

Roecker immediately recognized the couple and apparently engaged in some playful banter, invoking the sacrosanct "story of Xenu" to the couple. Wikipedia offers a brief summary of the tale:

In Scientology doctrine, Xenu (also Xemu) is an alien ruler of the "Galactic Confederacy" who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth, stacked them around volcanoes and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living, and continue to wreak chaos and havoc today.

These events are known to Scientologists as "Incident II," and the traumatic memories associated with them as The Wall of Fire or the R6 implant. The story of Xenu is part of a much wider range of Scientology beliefs in extraterrestrial civilizations and alien interventions in Earthly events, collectively described as space opera by L. Ron Hubbard, science fiction writer and founder of Scientology.
I actually feel dumber having read that.

Roecker also notes that during the aural assault, the Elfmans instructed a young man in his "twenties" accompanying them to "move away and cover his ears" whenever Xenu was mentioned.

Sweet Jesus, these people are totally out of this world.


Much to the dismay of innocent passersby, Jenna also repeatedly said "What crimes have you committed?" and began screaming at Roecker, "Have you raped a baby?"

Wow, that's kind of off the topic of bizarre religion, but who knows what goes on within the hallowed halls of Scientology. Perhaps she was giving him a pre-interview to determine his eligibility for the selective and expensive religion.

Since there are always two sides to every story, the Elfmans, not wanting to miss an opportunity to defend their goofy religion, issued their own statement on said events through their rep, Jenni Weinman:

"He [Bodhi] was out for a Sunday stroll with his wife [Jenna], when some guy walks by with a t-shirt on, very prominently attacking his religion. Words were extended and Bodhi and Jenna were personally attacked for their beliefs. As they went about their business, the guy continued to try to illicit [sic] negative responses from the both of them. As they walked away, he continued to scream propaganda and hate at them. Apparently he spent all Monday calling the press to promote himself."

Hmmm... that's two sides of a story all right.

I am going to err on the side of Roecker in this case, as the stories of Scientologists getting their thongs all bunched up are too numerous to ignore. The most glaring example is the fervent defense to Scientology put up by the supposedly "gay" man himself, Tom Cruise, the most famous un-official spokesperson for the religion.

Highlights of his struggle and subsequent failures to project Scientology in the best possible light have been summarized thoroughly here on Blogcritics, but for those of you new to the subject due to living under a rock on Mars, I will give a brief rundown.

Scientology has been the underlying cause of all Cruise's past failed relationships, including his brief marriage to Mimi Rogers, ten-year marriage to Nicole Kidman and two plus-year relationship with Penelope Cruz – all of whom refused to be indoctrinated into the "religion." Most bizarre is his current union with Katie Holmes, which was fraught with controversy before they were ever an item, as she disappeared for 13 days, whereabouts unknown, only to re-emerge seemingly brainwashed and newly anointed as a Scientologist.

Suddenly, the former B-lister Holmes, formerly a devout Catholic from Toledo, was now perfect for Tom Cruise and they began their public courtship, including his infamous "couch-hopping" incident on Oprah.


It seems this change of religious heart by Holmes was just what the L. Ron ordered, as Cruise has since blessed her with his sacred seed and the Katie-pod gave birth to daughter Suri on April 18, 2006.

We all hold our breaths for the wedding date.

Cruise also can proudly claim that his former practicing-Catholic sisters are all now heavily involved in the Church of Scientology; and in a supreme triumph, their mother was finally browbeaten into seeing the light of Xenu in 2004.

Even if Scientology is the way to fame, success, wealth and freedom from maladies requiring medication, one thing is for certain, the Church of Scientology is definitely the most insecure of all religions.

I'm sure none of you REALLY care just thought it was a fun story I would share with you all

Source: http://blogcritics.org/archives/2006/06/14/125826.php

Why can't they just have a "Church of Trek" like in Futurama. There's alot of holes to the story, but i'm not even gonna go into it.

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Hell, I won't even attack Satanists. This is just...ugh.

All I can say is... I would definitely pay for one of those shirts.

The story of Xenu is covered in OT III, part of Scientology's secret "Advanced Technology" doctrines taught only to advanced members. It is described in more detail in the accompanying confidential "Assists" lecture of 3 October 1968 and is dramatized in Revolt in the Stars (an unpublished screenplay written by L Ron Hubbard during the late 1970's). Direct quotations in this section are from these sources.

OT III tells the whole Xenus story. It's one of their "secret" doctrines that only advanced members know about, but it got leaked to everyone else who promptly started making fun of it. Anyway, he wrote a screenplay that never got published, Revolt in the Stars. If I use a direct quote, it's either from the screenplay, or from one of the Xenu lectures.

Before you laugh, this is actually what they believe.

Seventy-five million years ago, Xenu was the ruler of a Galactic Confederacy which consisted of 26 stars and 76 planets including Earth, which was then known as Teegeeack. The planets were overpopulated, each having on average 178 billion people. The Galactic Confederacy's civilization was like our own, with people "walking around in clothes which looked very remarkably like the clothes they wear this very minute" and using cars, trains and boats looking exactly the same as those "circa 1950, 1960" on Earth. Xenu was about to be booted from power, so he devised a plot to eliminate the excess population from his dominions. With the assistance of "renegades", he defeated the populace and the "Loyal Officers", a force for good that was opposed to Xenu. Then, with the assistance of psychiatrists, he summoned billions of people to paralyse them with injections of alcohol and glycol, under the pretense that they were being called for "income tax inspections". The kidnapped populace was loaded into space planes for transport to the site of extermination, the planet of Teegeeack (Earth). The space planes were exact copies of Douglas DC-8s, "except the DC-8 had fans, propellers on it and the space plane didn't." DC-8s have jet engines, not propellers, although Hubbard may have meant the turbine fans.

When the space planes had reached Teegeeack/Earth, the paralysed people were unloaded and stacked around the bases of volcanoes across the planet. Hydrogen bombs were lowered into the volcanoes, and all were detonated simultaneously. Only a few people's physical bodies survived. Hubbard described the scene in his abortive film script, Revolt in the Stars:

The now-disembodied victims' souls, which Hubbard called thetans, were blown into the air by the blast. They were captured by Xenu's forces using an "electronic ribbon" ("which also was a type of standing wave") and sucked into "vacuum zones" around the world. The hundreds of billions of captured thetans were taken to a type of cinema, where they were forced to watch a "three-D, super colossal motion picture" for 36 days. This implanted what Hubbard termed "various misleading data" (collectively termed the R6 implant) into the memories of the hapless thetans, "which has to do with God, the Devil, space opera, etcetera". This included all world religions, with Hubbard specifically attributing Roman Catholicism and the image of the Crucifixion to the influence of Xenu. The interior decoration of "all modern theaters" is also said by Hubbard to be due to an unconscious recollection of Xenu's implants. The two "implant stations" cited by Hubbard were said to have been located on Hawaii and Las Palmas in the Canary Islands.

n addition to implanting new beliefs in the thetans, the images deprived them of their sense of personal identity. When the thetans left the projection areas, they started to cluster together in groups of a few thousand, having lost the ability to differentiate between each other. Each cluster of thetans gathered into one of the few remaining bodies that survived the explosion. These became what are known as body thetans, which are said to be still clinging to and adversely affecting everyone except those Scientologists who have performed the necessary steps to remove them.

The Loyal Officers finally overthrew Xenu and locked him away in a mountain, where he was imprisoned forever by a force field powered by an eternal battery. (Some have suggested that Xenu is imprisoned on Earth in the Pyrenees, but Hubbard merely refers to "one of these planets" [of the Galactic Confederacy]; he does, however, refer to the Pyrenees as being the site of the last operating "Martian report station", which is probably the source of this particular confusion.) Teegeeack/Earth was subsequently abandoned by the Galactic Confederacy and remains a pariah "prison planet" to this day, although it has suffered repeatedly from incursions by alien "Invader Forces" since that time.

Wait a minute, I didn't know they wanted to kill us...Oh great, I'd find it funny if an army of non-scientologists fought an army of scientologists in the Valley of Meggido.

Although I dono't want to die by the hands of Tom Cruise, two words: Minority Report.

Edited by Black Dranzer.exe on June 21, 2006 at 17:45:37.

I generally hate discrimination in its very essence. I do, however, earnestly despise stupidity (that can be avoided), which is EXACTLY what Scientology is. I tried to see past the hatred of Scientology, and tried to find out more about it. The more I learned, the more my jaw dropped in amazement.

How could anyone believe this literary and religous garbage? A religion created by a science fiction writer quoted as saying something along the lines of "If you want to make money, make a religion." And how can an obvious cult be given religious status when it practically tells its followers that one day they will rise up and kill everyone you see?

And WindRider~ mentioned that it slipped through. I can see at least two major reasons why.
1. Mystery - Everyone likes and good mystery. And there are things that only high-level scientologists are allowed to learn. People will join, at least in part, by the intrigue they feel upon learning of such a mystery. I admit that even I want to know these secrets, simply to know.
2. Celebrities - If a cult gets a celebrity, or, as is the case with Scientology, several. Die-hard fans will join any cult, group, etc. that their favorite celebrity does. It's sad that people are that stupid, but they are.

And if they really do start coming to kill us all, my friends and I are covered (swords enthusiasts, pyromaniac boyscout, partially Shaolin-trained pressure point expert...).

Edited by BladeMan.EXE on June 22, 2006 at 0:13:03.

I hate the fact that there's a church for that bleeping cult in my hometown.

Kristie Alley is to blame for this. Augh.

If I had my way, this joke of a religion would be extinct in the next five minutes. Sadly, it's going to stick around because of the damn celebrities. Sigh.

Hey, every real Satanist (aka not ones who burn kittens) I've met has been a delightful person.

Ya know that seems to be the way it is, I only know one but she is one of the best people I have ever known, and a true delight to talk to

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And since they all desire that, and all get into religion, I'm gonna be original and NOT do it.

OR sign up for the First-to-Third Morphologist Orthodox Church, and get a 50% discount on EVERYTHING!

That's right folks, in Morphland, discount is upon YOU!!

So join today, and have a chance of winning a FREE T-shirt with your God's autograph AND fotograph!

Warning: the First-To-Third Morphologist Orthodox Church can not be held responsible for any troubles you may find on your path. We do not offer enlightenment, purification, excorcism, and supremacy of sex, race, or beliefs. HOWEVER, we DO have a dental plan.

Edited by Morphman on June 23, 2006 at 8:41:31.

Any church with you in command is dangerous.

Edited by Black Dranzer.exe on June 23, 2006 at 22:38:34.

(starts jumping on the couch) I LOVE MORPHOLOGY, I LOVE MORPHOLOGY, YEAH YEAH YEAH!

While normally YTMND has a bunch of silly images and looping animations, I think you'll find the following very seriously true if you check the sources at the end of the video.

http://theunfunnytruth.ytmnd.com/

Watch it if you don't mind some slight disturbing images.
There are only a few.

The really messed up stuff is the information about the Church of Scientology that you'll find here.

Edited by BlueSilver on June 25, 2006 at 5:25:59.

God. I hate that Otacon picture. Freaked me out when I was playing MGS:TTS.

Nothing like a scared Otaku to scare the crap out of me. X(

...anyoo, back on topic: Augh Scientology. I wouldn't think this religion would have lasted this long without the money from celebrities and really rich wackos.

There's a Church of Scientology (is that even WORTH being capitalized?) like two blocks away from my house.
I keep fighting the urge to just barge in there and see what happens.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know, I think I'll go join the Hubologists from Fallout 2 =p
(*wonders how many people have actually played that awesome awesome game*)

Edited by NightShade33562 on June 28, 2006 at 19:07:43.

Note - 'Thank God I finally have internet, I was gonna die there..."

OK, I've read about Scientology, in fact, go ahead to their main website, take their "test", and see how abnormal you could possibly be. I marked everything in the test as "maybe" and of course it came back as me being crazy and in need of the scientology "faith". Pffft. Accordingly, I have to see the inner workings of how they possibly brainwash people, and I've decided to sign up...for their summer camp. Don't worry, I have to intention on converting, I would like to see their propaganda techniques and how they possibly get people to believe this shit. I'll be off in three days, hah.

It's quite interesting. Most of the time I see the surface "propaganda" version of something before I get a chance to see it's true nature. Scientology is the one thing who's true nature I saw first.

It's quite exhilarating to see the truth and then read the lies.

I like the website though. They have some good design. I haven't taken a look at the HTML, though I suspect they have their design in the CSS.

Edited by Mega X.exe on June 28, 2006 at 23:09:04.