Uh, I will update my yo momma jokes!

Meh... my mathematics teacher has the lamest jokes. I\'ll just post one of his to spare you all the agony.

Why was the math book sad?

Protostar............nevermind, too easy. Well I have some funny deep thoughts. \"The saddest thing to see is a misquito sucking a mummy. Give it up little friend.\" \"I bet there is a time in a mad scientists life where he is only part mad. At that time, bet he throws some pretty mad parties. Here\'s one of my favorites \"I heard some people talking about a mean guy, so I decided to go talk to him. I knocked on the door and He anwsered it. I asked if he was the mean man. He said no, the mean man lives in that house. Then I said, you stupid idiot that\'s my house.\" Here\'s my last one for now \"If you see some guys speaking italian, just walk over and speak fake italian. They may not know what you are saying but everyone will get that warm, italian feeling\"

Shadow: for the love of fried marshmallows, PLEASE go hit enter after each joke. Putting them all together like that is insanely hard to pick them out.

Proto: Yes, that IS Incredibly lame. Your math teacher\'s trying WAY too hard to be funny. (and it\'s not working:P)

There was once three men of different ethnicity; a Mexican, a Japanese, and a blond man.
They were all close friends and together, they were part of a construction team working on a bridge.
At lunch they would tell each other what they got for lunch...


~Mexican Man: God dammit! If my mom packs me a burrito for lunch one more time, I\'m gonna jump of this god damned bridge!

~Japanese Man: God dammit! If my mom packs me sushi for lunch one more time I\'m gonna jump of this god damned bridge!

~Blond Man: God dammit! If mah ma packs meh ham san\'w\'ch one mo\' time, I\'m gonna jump o\' this god fo\'saken bridge!


The next day, the three men each received the same lunch items from their mothers. Each jumped of the bridge, to their deaths.
The hospital informed the mothers of the tragedies, and each had this to say:


~Mexican Mom: If only he had told me he wanted something different, I would have packed hims something new!

~Japanese Mom: If only he had told me he wanted something different, I would have packed hims something new!

~Blonde Mom: Don\'t look at me! He packs his own lunch!

[Edited on 3/9/2004 by Zaleon]

hehe...Zaleon...

This may come as a suprise to you, but blonde is not an ethnicity.:P

Funny though.

A blonde woman walked into a electronics store on day...the following took place:


Blonde Woman: Hello, sir. I\'d like to purchase that toaster.

Shop Owner: We do not serve blondes.


Frustrated, the woman left, and came in under the guise of a policewoman:


Blonde Woman: I\'d like to purchase that toaster.

Shop Owner: We do not serve blondes.


Growing more frustrated, she returned under the guise of a chef:


Blonde Woman: Hello, sir!! I\'d like to purchase that toaster!!!

Shop Owner: We do not serve blondes.


Finally, the blonde returned one last time, under the guise of a painter. She was now agitated:

Blonde Woman: (annoyed)Hello, sir!!! I\'d like to purchase that toaster!!!

Shop Owner: Let me make it clear, ma\'am. We do NOT serve blondes.

Blonde Woman: How do you keep knowing it\'s me?

Shop Owner: Simple. 1) You keep asking for that toaster, and 2) that\'s not a toaster--it\'s a television.

Post redacted

heres a very lame math joke

question: find the square root of 144:(

Stdent: I didn\'t know it was missing

WARNIMG: Stupid joke ahead.

Why did Bill Gates move to a new office?




To get better Windows!! *rimshot and groans from audience*

[Edited on 25-3-2004 by BladeMan.EXE]

This one isn\'t THAT funny, but it\'s okay.

Pink robot rabit:Back off blue boy this is MY carrot!

Blue robot rabit:Can\'t we share it?

Pink robot rabit:No! It\'s MINE!!! Understand?

Blue robot rabit:Listen here PINKIE! If you won\'t share I\'ll Take it from you!

Pink & Blue rabit:IT\'S MINE!!!! *start beating the daylights out of eachother*

Red robot wolf:I\'ve got dibs on the loser!

Blue robot wolf:No, I DO!!!

Red & Blue wolf:*they start killing each other*

What was the first thing the guy said when he walked into a bar?






ouch

This was on Funny junk

These were all real labels I\'m serious okay?

Anyway..........

On Nyquil sleeping tablets it said warning may cause drowsiness

On pudding it said Warning may become hot when heated

On a hairdryer it said warning do not use while sleeping

On this bag of chips with a contest or something it said no purchase necessary details inside

On a Korean kitchen knife it said warning keep out of children (something must of got lost in translation?)

:lol::lol: funny?

no?:(:(

[Edited on 3-4-2004 by Gamester6000]

a man walks up to a tramp and says

knock knock,

whos there, said the tramp

hey i thought u were Fu**ing homeless.

funny or not. i thought it was.(if u haven\'t noticed it was off peter kay live at the bolton albert halls)

this one is corny but it\'s from the joke prog in bn3

megaman:i\'ve been haning out with a mushy lately

lan:arn\'t those dangerous...

megaman:well yes but he is a fun guy

here\'s anouther

megaman: did you hear what happend to yai\'s online origami store?

lan:no...what happened?

megaman:it folded!

lan:one more like that and i\'ll pull ur batteries out!!!

At least they used better grammar\\

I gots one


Types of computer viruses
Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You\'re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It\'ll be back.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you\'re paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we\'re not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer\'s involvement in other computer\'s affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

George Bush virus: Doesn\'t do anything, but you can\'t get rid of it until November.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!

Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won\'t harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Nike virus: Just Does It!

Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.

Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, \"I\'m not Santa Claus.\"

PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a \"virus\", but instead refers to itself as an \"electronic microorganism\".

Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the \"Tricky Dick Virus\", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

Right To Life virus: Won\'t allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.

Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Terry Randle virus: Prints \"Oh no you don\'t\" whenever you choose \"Abort\" from the \"Abort, Retry, Fail\" message.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it\'s bigger than any other file.

UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Warren Commission virus: Won\'t allow you to open your files for 75 years.


[Edited on 6/6/2004 by Mega X.exe]

*Fart**burp**fart**burp**fart\"*burp*fart*burp* gets shot by annoyed member**argh! BURP**gets shot again*
\"shut the hell up!\"
\"GAH! *FART* NEVER! EVEN IF YOU KILL ME I WILL STILL BE CONSTI--*FART* PATED!\"
\"god! you suck! then i will rip off your butt cheeks and sell them on ebay!\"
*My expression*:eek::eek::conf:
\"Well you can\'t rip off my butt cheeks as long as i don\'t come in contact with pretzels! ARGH get that pretzel away from me!\"
\"Feel the power of salted bread products!\"
\"strentgh...dwindling...can...no longer...fart....and burp.....\"
*Mega bug style exe. falls to the floor net to some doritos*
\"HEY! dorritos!\"
\"AAAH! why are your eyes glowing? keep your spatula down!!!\"
\"It is I Mega Bug Style EXE! Feel the strength of my mega buster, whose strentgh is that of ten amply sized armadillos!\"
\"I\'m sorry, my ears just popped, could you repeat that?\"
\"WHAT? You have the nerve to not listen to what i just said! NO I WILL NOT REPEAT IT! I SPENT A WEEK REHEARSING THAT SPEECH! ITS ENOUGH to make me... to make me cry! WHAaaah! TAKE THIS you evil person who doesn\'t listen! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA!\"
[bop!] [pow!][kaboom!][splutz!] (SPLUTZ!?)
\"ohh, i dink i bwoke bye dose! oh do! id fell off!\"

yeah i know it doesnt make sense but i like it. hope its not offensive, i mean its just farts and burps and nonsense.

I Want to Buy That
A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn\'t serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn\'t serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn\'t serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, \"How in the world do you know I am a blonde?\"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,\"That\'s not a TV -- it\'s a microwave!\"

yeah i have a lot of time on my hands right now. hehehehe.
*continued from last post*
\"wait, your nose fell off? you must be micheal jackson!OMG get away from me you black-or is he white?- anyway, stay away from me!\"
*micheal jackson starts singing and scatting*
*his face shrivels up like in southpark and walks toward mega bug style exe.*
\"HEE HEE! SHA-mona! I will get you for breaking off my nose! HEE HEE!\"
*sings mega bug style to death*
\"ARGH! must... find...dorritos....ugh\"
*micheal jackson takes off his face to reveal his true identity, Elvis presley*
\"thank you very much, uh huh\"
*elvis takes out a freeze ray and freezes me*:eek:

*one day later*
*mega bug style exe. awakes to find himself stuck in the frozen food section of a super market in mars* \"Oh my god! Where am i?\" *an old guy appears* \"welcome to the twilight zone, where impossible things may happen:devil: bwahahaha!\"
\"Get me out of here!\" \"you cannot escape, because in reality, you are hitler!\" *old man shows gives mega bug style exe. a mirror and reveals a hitler mustache.
\"holy crud! someone help me!\"

*suddenly mega bug style exe. wakes up from a dream* \"dang all that was a dream? whew!\" *walks out his bedroom to find himself inside a chicken*

\"NOOOOOO! well at least i have unlimited suply of chiken!\"

once again, hope this dont offend any body.

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, \"Wanna hear a blonde joke?\"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, \"Before you tell that joke, you should know something.\"

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I\'m a 6\' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6\'2\", weighs 225, and he\'s a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6\'5\" pushing 300 and he\'s a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?\"

The blind guy says, \"Nah, not if I\'m gonna have to explain it five times.\"

I was eating at a fancy diner one night (ya know the type: requires coat & tie) when this guy walks in in a torn sweaty T-shirt. The waiter says to him \"excuse me sir, but we require you to wear a coat & tie in our restraunt.\" the guy says \"oh alright, be right back.\" He goes out to his car and opens the trunk. He rummages around for awhile and pulls out an old dusty coat. He dusts it off, knocks off the cobwebs, and puts it on. He then enters the restraunt and the waiter says \"well... I guess that\'s a coat, but you still need a tie.\" The guy says \"oh alright, I\'ll be right back.\" He goes back out to his car, gets in the trunk and pulls out a pair of jumper cables. He puts them on like a tie and enters the restraunt. The waiter then says \"I guess that\'s a tie.... ok, I\'m gonna to let you in now..., but don\'t you try and start nothin\'.\"

Ha ha ha... it\'s kinda funny.:D

I heard this the other day.
yo momma so dumb she tried to drown a fish
yo momma so dumb it takes her 2 hours to watch \"60 minutes\"
yo momma so dumb she took a spoon to the super bowl
yo momma so fat when she jumped in the ocean the whales started singing \"We are family\"
yo momma so ugly rice krispies wont talk to her

First off, the Yo Momma jokes.

Yo momma so ugly, when she looked out the window she got arrested for mooning!
Yo momma so dumb, she called me on my cellphone to ask what my cellphone number was!
Yo momma so fat, when she crossed the TV, my show was over! And it was a Lord of the Rings Marathon!

Now that that's out of our system...

Here's a good one.

There's a guy who just LOOOOOOOOOVES eating beans and cabbage. He eats them for breakfast, lunch and dinner each day. Of course, that means this guy has a lot of gas. On his birthday,he eats two times the normal amount he eats, and then his friend blindfolds him and leads him away to somewhere and leaves him alone. So, it's dark and the guy needs to fart. He figures that there's nobody in the room, so he lets out his fart, which lasts about ten seconds. His friend comes back and takes off the blindfold to reveal a whole roomful of people.

OMGWTFBBQLOLZ.

I'm just going to mention how overrated yo momma jokes are.

Jokes that involve obscure cultural references are hip.

Note: I mean no offense to blondes.

So, there's a mirror where you have to tell a true statement with the words "I think" in front or you'll dissapear.

A redhead walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I'm the smartest person in the world." *poof* She dissapears.

A brunette walks up to the mirror and says, "I think I'm the strongest person in the world." *poof* The person dissapears.

A blonde walks up to the mirror and says, "I think-", and *poof* dissapears.

Ok ok. Here's a joke. This man is sitting in his house watching T.V. One of his three kids comes in and says "Daddy, why did you name me rose?" Because the first thing that touched your face was a rose. The second daughter comes in and says "Daddy, why did you name me Daisy?" Cause the first thing that touched your sweet face was a daisy. The father then hears a loud yell from the next room "DADDY! I WANT JUICE" The father replies "Shut up cinder block!"

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.

The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.

The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, “Why do you want one of those, son, you're not handicapped.” The boy replied, “I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved.”

Ok, heres a blond joke.

Three people are walking down the street. They are Darcula, a smart blond, and a dumb blond. They see a 100 dollar bill. Which one picks it up? The dumb blond! The other ones don't exist!

Bye the way...I can't figure out how to right a spoiler black box thingy. Can someone help me!?!?! I don't understand the doc's thing to writing it!



Edited by Ace Scope on May 5, 2006 at 16:14:14.

i don't have ANYTHING against blondes, i'm one myself, but my hair is dark blond.
_____________________________________________________

what's a blond with brown hair?